Ben decides to write his memoirs, dedicated to the "loving memory" of his father ("Do you know something I don't?" Katz asks). The book will have three parts: The Early Years, The Camp Years ("Yes, I played softball -- doesn't mean I'm gay"), and The Pensive Years. He tells Laura she'll be in the book: "The long-standing relationship, and the breakup in Paris," in particular. Eventually deciding the title is the most important thing, he bounces a few ideas of his dad: "What Did We Do to Make Mommy Go So Far away?"; "The Sound of My Father's Voice is Slowly Killing Me"; "An Introspective Retrospective of a Prospective Genius"; "Thoughts of a Bloated Boy"; "Big Ben, American Style" (Katz's favorite); and "Daddy Abandoned Me."

• Louis C.K. : Wants to change his name to something awful like Farty McCrablice and then cure a disease, so they'll have to name a street after him, and the President will have to say, "God bless Farty McCrablice"; forgot to start playing saxophone when he was 14; flying in an airplane is a miracle, so people shouldn't complain; airlines' motto should just be, "We Can Fly!" and that should be enough; borrowed a friend's car where the horn kept honking itself, so he started yelling at people whenever it did ("Hey, lady walking -- you suck!"); arrested for driving without a license; got strip-searched and was told to life his testicles; "Can I use my hand?"; saw two kids in the back of a station wagon with that really "crappy look on their faces," so he flipped them off; suspects parents always want to flip off their kids.
• Ron Lynch: Thinks Katz is a dentist at first; has a fake phone, which rings and he answers (twice -- the second time: "He knows you're not a real person now"); makes Katz look away, and then talks using a thing that makes his voice sound weird.
• Fred Stoller: Never actually sees the doctor because he keeps being late and missing appointments; hates making left turns ("in a car -- that would be REALLY bad"); offers to stand outside and drum up business for Katz like a carnival barker.