I am so Handsome
The Garrens Comedy Troupe:
"I am so Handsome"
by Eric D. Snider
Originally performed by The Garrens Comedy Troupe on
I am so handsome and strong that whenever I go to the beaches
The girls cannot keep their eyes off of me; in fact, I leave them speechless.
I look so cute in my little bathing suit
That the girls they all hoot and the guys they salute
And secretly wish they could be as handsome as me.
I can kiss any girl that I choose; I've proven that often.
And even if I died in a fiery wreck, girls would still kiss me in my coffin.
What I have got is a body that's hot
And what I have not? Personality. So what?
I am still handsome, and therefore I'm better than you.
I may be as dumb as a box of dirt, it doesn't matter.
‘Cause I'd rather be dumb and handsome and thinner than smart and ugly and fatter.
Concern for my looks is what keeps me movin'
Only skin deep? That hasn't been proven.
I am so handsome, I'll bet it goes down to my bones.
I can go out with two girls at once -- a cute and tasty "me" sandwich.
And when I have two handsome sons of my own, they'll be named Abercrombie and Fitch.
The girls love me and I can't blame them, can you?
And what can I do -- even guys like me, too
I am so handsome, I transcend societal norms.
Girls will say they'll like a guy if a sense of humor he's got.
But of course they're all lying, what they actually want is a guy who is sexy and hot.
And I'm glad to help out, 'cause I sure fit the bill,
And I will till I die, then it says in my will
That my beautiful face should be bronzed and put on display
In the Smithsonian...
‘Cause I am so handsome, they'll never get tired of me.
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Comments & Reaction:
Wow, this thing sat around, half-written, for maybe four years before I finally finished it and performed it. I don't remember what inspired it, specifically. I do remember that I wrote the music while I was a missionary, and in fact wrote mission-specific lyrics for it at the time and sang it for my missionary buddies. In fact, there are eight or nine mission songs that will never see the light of day again, because they were about my specific experiences in that specific mission at that specific time and therefore aren't funny anymore. But at least I salvaged some music.