The General Authorities Song (2nd version)
The Garrens Comedy Troupe:
"The General Authorities Song (2nd version)"
by Eric D. Snider
Originally performed by The Garrens Comedy Troupe on
SINGER/PIANIST: Eric D. Snider
There's Gordon Hinckley, Thomas Monson,
James E. Faust and Eugene Hansen,
Richard Clarke, F. Burton Howard,
Loren Dunn, M. Russell Ballard,
Dean L. Larsen, Kree-L Kofford,
David Haight and John H. Groberg,
Carlos Amado, Carlos Asay,
John E. Fowler, Glenn L. Pace,
L. Tom Perry, Ronald Poelman,
Claudio Costa, Gary Coleman,
Spencer Condie, Dallin Oaks,
Boyd K. Packer don't tell no jokes,
Porter, Bruce and Porter, Aldin,
Marlin K. and Jay E. Jensen,
Dallas Archibald, Dallas Merrell,
Graham Doxey and Hillam, Harold,
In Sang Han and Kwok Yuen Tai,
Yoshihiko Kikuchi,
Sam K. Shimabukuro,
Samuelson (that's Cecil O.),
Ben B. Banks and Robert Hales,
Jeffrey Holland never fails,
John J. Carmack, Sheldon Child,
Vaughn J. Featherstone is mild,
Julio Davila, James O. Mason,
Angel Abrea, Russell Nelson,
David Burton, Merrill Bate-man,
Mack Lawrence is a great man,
Enzio Busche, John B. Dickson,
William Bradford, Lance B. Wickman,
John M. Madsen, Augusto Lin,
Then D. Todd Christofferson,
Alexander Morrison,
David E. Sorensen,
Joe J. Christensen,
Andrew W. Peterson,
Neil Anderson, Neal Maxwell,
Dieter Uchtdorf knows his facts well,
Robert K. Dellenbach,
Melvin Hammond, Gene R. Cook,
Then there's Dennis B. Neuenschwander --
Whatever your name is, his is longer --
Joseph Wirthlin, Richard Scott,
They're Apostles; you are not,
Rex D. Pinegar, David Stanley,
Richard Edgley sure is manly,
Jack H. Goaslind, Monte Brough,
Lionel Kendrick's hangin' tough,
Lynn A. Mickelsen, Craig Zwick,
Charles Didier's hair is slick,
Jerald Taylor, Joseph Muren,
Earl Tingey, Keith McMullin,
Lino Alvarez, Rulon Craven,
Kenneth Johnson has me ravin',
Don Ladd and Stephen Nadauld,
Jorge Rojas es muy bueno,
Quentin Cook and Bruce C. Hafen,
Now my lips have started chafin',
William Kerr, Francisco Viñas,
Oh, my poor old aching fingas!
Edward Brown and Henry Eyring,
Now my forehead starts perspiring,
Dennis Simmons, Lowell Wood,
Richard Wirthlin sure is good,
Hugh Pinnock, Robert Wells,
James Paramore, Max Caldwell,
Give 'em a hand now, if you please,
These are the General Authorities!
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Copyright © Eric D. Snider.
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Comments & Reaction:
(See COMMENTS & REACTION after "The General Authorities Song" (original version) for more details.)
This version reflects changes made in the General Authorities during the April 1996 General Conference. I sang the song several times that summer for various occasions, but never did it in a Garrens show until Oct. 4 -- the night before October Conference began. The next week, I did version three, updated with the changes made the previous weekend.
Note that the song will continue to get longer. This is because more men were being called than were being released, and because I wanted to get more jokes in.