Disaster Movie
Movie Review
"Disaster Movie"
Review by Eric D. Snider
Grade: F
Rating: PG-13
Released: Friday, August 29, 2008
Directed by:
Cast:
By my count, there are at least 25 movies referenced in "Disaster Movie," the latest abominable train wreck engineered by the untalented hacks who excreted "Date Movie," "Epic Movie," and "Meet the Spartans." Note that I do not say "Disaster Movie" spoofs or satirizes 25 movies -- only that it refers to them.
You and I know that mentioning something is not the same thing as spoofing it. (We also know that spoofing is not the same as satirizing, but that's a discussion for another day.) Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer, who write and direct these films as a duo, do not know this. In their minds, all it takes to spoof "The Incredible Hulk" is for the character to show up and then be crushed by a falling cow.
Get it?! It's a character you recognize from a different movie, but here he is in THIS movie! And then he gets hurt!
The title notwithstanding, disaster movies are not the object of "Disaster Movie's" satire (such as it is). You're thinking "The Towering Inferno," "The Poseidon Adventure," or "The Day After Tomorrow"; they're thinking "Sex and the City," "You Don't Mess with the Zohan," and "Juno" -- any movie that came out within the last year, in other words. The film's basic structure parallels "Cloverfield" (which sort of qualifies), and there's a reference to "Twister" -- from 12 years ago -- and the only joke is that a tornado keeps throwing cows around. But other than that, "Disaster Movie" is really nothing more than an ill-conceived, unfunny series of weak, talent-show-at-summer-camp-level skits.
Pop-cultural icons are included too, no matter how out-of-date they may be. (Dr. Phil parodies? Really? And Michael Jackson? Holy crap, non sequitur Michael Jackson jokes in 2008?!) So here comes a Justin Timberlake impersonator to sing about how many hot chicks he's slept with. Here's "Amy Winehouse" pulling objects out of her beehive and name-checking Facebook. (Get it?? Because Facebook is a thing you've heard of!) There's the guys from "Superbad" (look-alikes, that is) trying to steal booze from a party. No real jokes, of course -- just people pretending to be these other people.
When the film does bother to actually satirize something -- that is, to point out its flaws by way of comic exaggeration or irony -- the satire is toothless and obvious. There's a Juno character called Juney (Crista Flanagan) who, when it's pointed out that nobody can understand her, says, "That's because I speak in overly written clever-for-clever's-sake quips." That's a fair satiric criticism of "Juno" -- too bad this movie didn't come out eight months ago, before every single person in the world had already made the same observation. In addition, is it not the height of chutzpah for "Disaster Movie" to mock a comedy that even its detractors would acknowledge is funnier than "Disaster Movie"?
Sometimes I'll watch a terrible comedy and think, "I bet this actor could be really good if he had better material." Three of this film's cast members, Nicole Parker, Crista Flanagan, and Ike Barinholtz, are from "MAD TV," and I suspect they do well there. With a good script and competent directors, they could probably funnel their natural comedic instincts into something genuinely funny.
I do not believe the same is true for the film's star, Matt Lanter. Whatever talents this man may have, comedy is not among them. Granted, the combined geniuses of Steve Martin, Bill Murray, Charlie Chaplin, Jerry Lewis, Will Ferrell, and Lucille Ball in their primes could not have made "Disaster Movie" good, but talented comics can usually at least elevate poor material. Lanter, bless his heart, is a blank slate. Then again, his co-stars are MTV "personality" Vanessa Minnillo and scabrous reality whore Kim Kardashian, so I guess no one was looking for real actors anyway.
The movie is cheap, lazy, and sloppy, an obvious throwaway that no one put any effort into. There is not a single laugh in it. As in their last bloodbath, "Meet the Spartans," Friedberg and Seltzer demonstrate an astonishing unawareness of how to write a gag, much less how to film it. They kill time by staging dance-offs and fight sequences, because those things are easy to write. The few elements that had humorous potential feel dated -- after all, even movies that are slapped together take a few months to assemble, and the cultural landscape changes quickly. The "I'm F***ing Matt Damon" parody that appears at the end (PG-13-ified to "dating") might have been mildly amusing if we'd seen it in February. Now it's just embarrassing.
Embarrassment. It's a feeling you should get used to, Freidberg and Seltzer. You should feel it deeply and painfully. You should be ashamed to tell anyone your names. May you never befoul another cinema with your grotesque comic abortions.
Grade: F
Rated PG-13, a lot of profanity, vulgar references, partial nudity, and sexual innuendo
1 hr., 25 min.
Copyright © Eric D. Snider.
This work may not be transmitted via the Internet, nor reproduced in any other way, without written consent from Eric D. Snider.
This item has 16 comments
August 31, 2008 at 9:32 pm
I would think that the fact that half the cast from "Mad TV" was in this movie would automatically qualify it for an F!! Or is that just really sad that I know that they're from Mad TV?
August 31, 2008 at 9:39 pm
Wow... an F. I haven't seen something THIS bad reviewed for a long time now...
September 1, 2008 at 1:36 pm
It saddens me that Eric was unable (or unwilling) to review Epic Movie. I suspect that one will end up on Eric's Bad movies sooner or later.
September 1, 2008 at 6:52 pm
I think that whoever executive produced this film(I wasn't able to find who it was on IMDB, perhaps they didn't want their name associated with the film) should be shot. They are the lowest of scum. To actually read a script as banal as this and give Selzer and Friedberg money?!
September 1, 2008 at 11:21 pm
Well, to be fair, dropping a big rock on hannah montana and the rabid chipmunks really bring this up to a F+
September 2, 2008 at 4:49 am
Oh I don't know Lohengrin....I've seen Epic Movie & I can't say that it really deserved a good grade. It had some funny parts, but they were few & far between. And the whole Lucy copying Susan gag got old after the first few times.......the only reason to watch the whole movie was Jennifer Coolidge as the White B***** & Kal Penn as Edward. My favorite part of the whole movie is the first time Edward sees the White B***** & his response is "Wow....Stifler's mom!" & she then tells him she wants to take him to her White Castle. They then show a White Castle burger place. It's so stupid, but I laugh at it everytime I see it. Daryl Hammond does a great Johnny Depp/Jack Sparrow impression, but that's about the only highlights in the whole movie. What a movie to try & defend!! ;)
September 2, 2008 at 6:21 pm
I was waiting with anticipation for this review, knowing it would be an "F", hoping it would be better. What I hate most about these movies is that they are good ideas; satire the standard date movie, the standard disaster movie, etc., but have extremely poor execution and focus. I wish David Zucker or Mel Brooks, or heck, Matt Groening would sit down with these guys and say look, heres what you're doing wrong! Who is funding these guys to make more of these movies anyway? More importantly, WHY are they doing it? And is it me, or do these movies get further and further from the point every time they make a new one?
September 2, 2008 at 7:20 pm
molly says:
September 1, 2008 at 11:21 pm
Well, to be fair, dropping a big rock on hannah montana and the rabid chipmunks really bring this up to a F+
That may be true, molly, but as William of Occam observed, "A difference which makes no difference *is* no difference." .....
For those who are wondering how these doofuses keep getting funding for this kind of schlock (and perhaps you are only asking rhetorically), I will explain it to you:
The audience for these stupid movies are juveniles between the ages of 11 and 13.
Unfortunately, there is a point at which young people repeat the psychological patterns of that age group, and it happens between the ages of 19 and 22, usually while attending college, when a young person first discovers that he/she can get away with anything they want to. Later they discover this is not really true and can't believe they ever thought it was. In the mean time, money-grubbing Hollywood doofuses make movies that cater to 11 to 13 year olds in 19 to 22 year old bodies.
Maybe the age restriction for R-rated movies should be raised to 25.....
Dale
September 2, 2008 at 7:21 pm
BTW, I haven't seen (and never will see) this movie....
Dale
September 3, 2008 at 12:22 pm
Mad TV is not funny. It is never funny. Every time the skit has any potential whatsoever to be funny, someone has the brilliant idea, "Hey! If this is funny NOW, imagine how funny it'll be if everyone starts yelling and screaming as loud as they can! Louder always equals funnier!!"
I despise Mad TV. Anyone who regularly watches Mad TV and enjoys it; we will never be friends. Thats a deal breaker.
Of coarse the cast of that terrible, terrible show would jump at the chance to be in a terrible, terrible movie.
September 3, 2008 at 8:15 pm
All I can think is that you must hate your job when you have see these movies Eric.
September 3, 2008 at 10:37 pm
Dave the Slave, have you been watching the newer episodes of Mad TV? Because there are a few rare gems from back in the nineties.
September 4, 2008 at 10:49 am
Obviously, this movie was bad. I must say that it was a lot better than "Date Movie", "Meet the Spartans", and the worst by far "Epic Movie". There were some parts of this that I found very funny. Most of it didn't work- but I had such low expectations that they were surpassed.
September 5, 2008 at 7:06 pm
Did you notice that this movie has 00% at rotten tomatoes? Has that ever happened before? I'm seriously impressed... in a bad way...
September 5, 2008 at 9:01 pm
Christina, that happens more often than you think. Meet the Spartans and Epic Movie were 2 percent........but I've seen zero many times.
September 12, 2008 at 3:01 pm
These ***-bags busting on ANYONE else's writing has got to be the height of hippo-crykie, home-skillet...they deserve a beating more righteous than Pam Grier's fly 'fro in Foxy Brown!