Eric D. Snider

Hannah Montana: The Movie

Movie Review

Hannah Montana: The Movie

by Eric D. Snider

Grade: D+

Released: April 10, 2009

 

Directed by:

Cast:

I've never seen the Disney Channel sitcom "Hannah Montana," of course, so I approach "Hannah Montana: The Movie" blind. Is this it? Is THIS what has been enthralling the tween girls lately? A show about a girl who gets into wacky situations and then screws everything up by being an idiot? In the spirit of Passover, why is this sitcom different from all other sitcoms?

If the TV show is even half as brainless as the movie, then the TV show is very brainless indeed. Or perhaps it plays out better on the small screen, in 22-minute doses. As a movie, it's an annoyance, made more aggravating by the fact that the people who wrote and directed it obviously weren't even trying to be original or smart. You grant a little leeway, plot-wise, for a movie aimed at kids, but come on. Plenty of kids' movies are clever and make sense. This one isn't and doesn't.

The premise, as I understand it, goes like this. Miley Cyrus plays Miley Stewart, an ordinary teenage girl who has a secret life as world-famous pop star Hannah Montana. Miley doesn't tell anyone that she's Hannah so that she may live an ordinary existence free from the hassles of fame. In other words, she wants to have her cake and eat it, to enjoy the benefits of celebrity but none of the headaches.

I'm not as interested in why she keeps her identity a secret as I am in HOW she does it. The only difference between Miley and Hannah is that Hannah wears a blond wig. Otherwise, Miley and Hannah have the same husky baritone, hillbilly-flavored speaking voice, the same non-descript "American Idol" singing voice, the same buggy eyes, snaggled teeth, and camel-like muzzle. How does anyone who sees them both not realize they are the same person? Especially when Hannah's hotshot publicist, Vita (Vanessa Williams), is pulling Miley out of school for Hannah-related emergencies.

And where do Hannah's fans think she goes all day? Don't they wonder why she has no backstory, no family, no Wikipedia entry detailing her early life and rise to stardom? Don't they find it odd that Hannah apparently only exists when she's onstage or making an official public appearance?

But, OK, fine. I can accept that "Hannah Montana" is set in a universe parallel to ours in which all it takes to baffle a human being's powers of recognition is a wig. I can also accept that Hannah's fans are idiots. (The fact that so many of them are teenage boys is hard to get past, though.) The only people who know Miley's secret are her best friend, Lilly (Emily Osment), her dad (real-life father Billy Ray Cyrus), and older brother, Jackson (Jason Earles). Sometimes Lilly acts as Hannah's body double when Miley and Hannah must be in the same place at once and when nobody's going to be looking very closely, although why that should matter, I don't know. Obviously no one in this parallel universe ever looks at anything closely.

In the film, Miley's double life has begun to take its toll, pulling her away from her humble roots. Apparently, being the world's most popular musical star is time-consuming! Huh! She ruins Lilly's massive beachside Sweet Sixteen party by showing up as Hannah rather than Miley, drawing all the attention away from the birthday girl, which is very bad manners. Then, to make matters worse, she gets on the stage that for some reason is already set up, with the backup band and dancers that are for some reason already there, and performs a song. She has to! The fans demand it!

To teach Miley What's Really Important, her dad drags her back to Crowley Corners, Tenn., the backwater town where she was born, and where her grandmother (Margo Martindale) and other kinfolk still live. Here, Dad, who is widowed, meets a new love interest name Lorelai (Melora Hardin), though this is nothing more than a transparent attempt on Billy Ray Cyrus' part to have more screen time in the movie. He even sings a couple songs, too, in direct violation of the treaty signed by the United Nations after the "Achy Breaky Heart" tragedy of 1992.

Crowley Corners is also where Miley meets a new beau, a wholesome, skinny cowteen (that's a teenage cowboy, right?) named Travis (Lucas Till). But never mind him. The real intrigue is that a British paparazzo named Oswald Granger (Peter Gunn) is snooping around, trying to find out Hannah Montana's "big secret." He has learned, by accident, that Hannah has some connection to Crowley Corners, and now he's here looking for answers. Again, I have to conclude that he is not looking very hard. (Since Miley is a heroine in a Disney movie, she is allowed to mistreat Oswald as much as she wants to and it's still OK.) At one point, Miley -- not Hannah but Miley -- gets up at a hoedown and sings a song for an audience already established as rabid Hannah Montana fans, and STILL no one catches on.

Meanwhile, part of the town is threatened by a developer named Bradley (Barry Bostwick), who wants to tear down the old buildings (moonshine distillery, book incinerator, Klan headquarters, etc.) and put up a shopping mall. To stop him, the townsfolk must raise enough money to pay the taxes. They hold a fundraiser that Miley invites her "friend" Hannah Montana to perform at, and that's -- wait, why doesn't Hannah Montana just GIVE the town the money? And wait, Hannah and Miley are friends?! And STILL no one catches on?!

The film's low point arrives when Hannah comes to town and is the guest of honor at the mayor's banquet ... at the very same time that Miley has a dinner date with Travis! And rather than changing the night, or even just the time, of the date, Miley tries to be both places at once, dashing back and forth from the banquet to the restaurant. You may recall this plot device from one of the 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 times that it has been used on television. For the most part, no one at the banquet even notices Hannah is gone, even though it's a small affair and she's seated at the head of the table. They are frequently distracted by Jackson (Miley's brother; I mentioned him once earlier), who for some reason has a ferret at the table, and the ferret gets loose.

Now we're getting into spoiler territory. Please do not read ahead if you do not wish to have the astonishing secrets of "Hannah Montana: The Movie" revealed to you.

Hannah performs at the benefit concert, sure enough, but her heart's not in it. She's tired of pretending! Also, she already got caught by Travis and feels bad for lying to him. So in the middle of a song, she stops singing and TAKES OFF HER WIG! The crowd gasps in horror and surprise. They had NO IDEA that Hannah Montana wasn't actually a blonde! They also had NO IDEA that she was the same person as this girl who grew up here and has been hanging around again for the last couple weeks! Their world is crashing down around them!

Earlier, I said the reason Miley keeps her Hannah identity a secret is so she can live a normal life. But apparently, it's important to her fans, too. They are crestfallen to learn that Hannah Montana's real name is Miley Stewart, having never before heard of the concept of "stage names." They do not want her to give up the charade. They want her to put the wig back on and be Hannah Montana again, even though -- and I cannot overstate this -- Hannah and Miley look, act, dress, talk, walk, think, and sing exactly alike. Everyone in the audience promises never to tell anyone in the outside world her secret if she will just put the wig on and be Hannah again. They're like some weird little cult: "WE DON'T WANT MILEY! WE WANT HANNAH! BE HANNAH BEEEE HAAANNNNAAAAAH!"

Don't I have anything positive to say about the film? Well, it does contain many songs that are sung by Miley Cyrus, playing Miley Stewart, playing Hannah Montana, and some of these songs are inoffensive to the ears and will not cause any lasting damage.

Warning: Billy Ray Cyrus not only appears in this film, but does so wearing a soul patch, even though he is nearly 50 years old. I would not want my children exposed to this.

Grade: D+

Rated G, nothing offensive, except intellectually

1 hr., 42 min.

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This item has 107 comments

  1. William Goss says:

    Okay, so I'm pretty sure Lilly tells the reporter that she's from Crowley Corners, but every fundraiser sign makes mention of Crowley Meadows, right? Let's see your wig explain THAT!

    (Good review.)

  2. Savvy Veteran says:

    "Meanwhile, part of the town is threatened by a developer named Bradley, who wants to tear down the old buildings...and put up a shopping mall."

    If my memory does not deceive me, this situation has also been used in TV and movies (usually made for-TV movies, actually) so many times that it couldn't even possibly be mistaken for creative anymore. This movie sounds like a giant stew made up of idiotic, tired, sitcom-y devices that have already been done by "Saved By The Bell." And the sad thing is, SBTB almost certainly did them better, as terrible a show that was..

    I really liked the review though. It's almost like we got two Eric's Bad Movies columns this week (plus a Snide Remarks!).

  3. CK says:

    Um...ever heard of Clark Kent?

  4. Ken says:

    Speaking as one of the many unfortunate people who has suffered through the TV show (and judging by your review), I can attest that the show is about a million times more brainless and insipid than the movie is.

  5. Kaydria says:

    Hot damn that was satisfying to read.

  6. Kaydria says:

    Oh crap I swore in a comment on a review for a G rated movie... my only time ever swearing on this site. I'm sorry! :( you can delete it if you want. I'm deeply ashamed. Deeply.

  7. Rob D. says:

    Wow Eric.....that was like the longest review you've ever written.

  8. Lohengrin says:

    That was one of the best reviews you've written for some time.

    Reading the review, I am extremely suprised you gave this a D+, particularly when the only good thing about it was that the songs weren't totally horrid.

  9. Tanya says:

    Oh, my. That was very fun to read!

  10. mommy says:

    I think the cyrus family has some sort of secret powers that balance cocaine and cockroach to make something people can't resist and it will never die.

    I'd watch the mockumentary documenting that fact and the angry parents who are subjected to the hannah montannas of the world

  11. Tara says:

    Ha ha ha! This review is so great! I especially love the line

    "Meanwhile, part of the town is threatened by a developer named Bradley (Barry Bostwick), who wants to tear down the old buildings (moonshine distillery, book incinerator, Klan headquarters, etc.) and put up a shopping mall."

    Did anyone else see the preview for the movie that starts out "The show you grew up with is now on the big screen"...Um, the show has been on for three seasons, I really don't think any one has grown up with it.

  12. Christi says:

    I take great comfort knowing that, if the child currently occupying my uterus happens to be female, "Hannah Montana" will be passe well before she approaches its target age.

    Of course, this comfort is very quickly dashed by the knowledge that Disney will by that time have come up with something else just as insipid and annoying and she'll probably be going gaga over that instead.

  13. He says, She says says:

    Disappointed you gave this D+.

    Very funny review but was hoping for F review-style bashing.

  14. Jessica Holdaway says:

    I don't see how you can not like a movie for not figuring out who Hannah Montana is, when superhero identities seem pretty obvious and not even people LIVING with them know who they are sometimes... the gravelly voices, the people who find out the identity but vow to keep it a secret, wondering who you really are and where your loyalties are... all the elements are there, is it just because she's your arch nemesis, a TEENAGE GIRL (dun dun duuuun!!)?

  15. Laurie says:

    What I like about this movie: two hours of freedom from the spring break fighting and whining of my children. I'll even fork out the dough for popcorn.

  16. Clumpy says:

    You gave this way more space than it's worth. Disney Channel shows aren't meant to be thought-provoking or interesting - they're meant to throw enough flashy colors and manufactured quirkiness onto a screen to distract their audience of easily-captivated morons. Most children's television is like this now.

  17. Heather C. says:

    Eric, call me when you have a ten year-old daughter! I consider myself educated and intellectually stimulated. I read Greek mythology and Shakespeare to my children, and my (ten year-old)daughter appreciates Jane Austen as well as the Coen brothers. But, boy howdy, how she loves her Hannah Montana. I just bought three tickets for her and her sidekicks to see the opening showing today. Me? I will be waiting for them in the parking garage, reading Dostoevsky...

  18. Andy says:

    "You may recall this plot device from one of the 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 times that it has been used on television."

    My personal favorite? Three's Company, when Jack has to also pretend he's "Austin, from Houston."

    Runner-up: Peter Brady entertaining two girls while waiting for his lookalike to show up.

  19. Sara says:

    OMG ! I can understand how you didn't like the movie and wanted to express that but you didn't need to call people (miley) ugly or say she can't sing . Of course non of it is how it would be in real life it is acting . It's is simply for people to go and be entertained for an hour . Get over your self !!!

  20. Kara says:

    Yes, I can see why you would think that this movie is brainless. No one is getting killed. No blood baths. No offensive or inappropriate language. No sexual innuendos. I'll take "brainless" humor, appropriate for a tween, over the "intellectual" garbage that is being produced any day of the week. So please, next time you write a movie review, consider the audience in which you are writing and leave out the bias so your audience (tweens) can get an honest movie review. Thanks.

  21. Eric says:

    Who do people like Kara (#20) even read reviews? All she needed to know, apparently, is that it's rated G.

  22. Gary says:

    1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 is One Sixtillion times, in case any people besides me were wondering.

  23. Gary says:

    *and of course that is one Sextillion times, rather than Sixtillion. Unconscious prudishness, I suppose. ;-p

  24. Jennifer says:

    Well I've got one thing to say, what is so wrong with a soul patch? Are you angry that you cant have one or grow one or what's going to happen if my child see's Billy Ray Cyrus wearing one. Nothing, nothing at all is going to happen;big deal so what I'm the one who thinks you got a problem sir. There is nothing wrong with what he wears.

  25. Sassy Alex says:

    ok whoever this Eric guy is, u need to get a life and stop bashing disney movies, sure they're stupid but if you had a girlfriend, i don't think you would care so much. oh and Gary, nobody cares how u spell sextillion

  26. David Manning says:

    Yes! I've been waiting for this review for a long time, and it is everything I have hoped for. Plus, I really like how you reviewed it in the traditional "Eric's Bad Movies" format, as if it were just another entry, even though it meant having to put a spoiler warning near the end since this is a new release.

  27. brian says:

    Am I the only one who's thrilled that this comment thread is being invaded by a horde of Eric-bashing tween girls? Even now, the thread is probably more entertaining than the movie itself. Look-- one of them used a semicolon!

  28. Gerry says:

    Wow, this is the worst review ever written. Why does a critic write about a movie that is tied to the show but has never seen the show? Moron!!!
    This movie fits the show perfect! Entertaining the younger ones. Your comment about Miley and Hannah looking too much alike is simply shallow. I could name many people who do that. I.E Clark Kent. This isn't a show based on tricking the audience. This is about the fun. That part is not a factor of the show.

    It has always been about a country girl making it big and keeping her real I.D. Having "the Best of Both Worlds." It's a sitcom. Nothing more. Miley Cyrus did a great job in that film. She's turning into quite the singer/writer.

    Find a real job and don't write about something you know nothing about.

  29. missy!! says:

    i haven't seen the movie yet..but i am overly excited for it. my sister and her friend went and saw it today(: they said it was amazing and the best movie ever! me and my friend are going tomorrow. i can't wait!!! i've been trying to learn all of the songs so i can sing them tomorrow. :p haha. well tomorrow i'll come back to this and leave a comment of how i thought it was. seee y'all.

  30. Fueling the flames... says:

    Gerry, any quality piece of work should be able to stand alone. If a movie is based on a book, whether or not the source material is good, the movie needs to be able to take care of itself without the viewer having to be prepped beforehand.

  31. brian says:

    Also, Eric, I agree with Kara that you should consider the audience in which you're writing. Bringing a laptop into the movie theater is very disrespectful.

  32. Butter says:

    Ok, I understand why you don't like it, because this movie is directed at teenage girls, and you are not one. Us teenage girls, well most of us at least, like this so-called "brainless" humor. I understand why you think it's stupid, but make sure you factor in the audience while reviewing this movie. Take it from the perspective of a "tween" girl, instead of a middle-aged man.

  33. Chip Burkitt says:

    Loved the review! I also found the comments entertaining. A few people mentioned Clark Kent as another case of a secret identity that was oh so obvious. I beg to differ. Clark Kent's personality was meek and diffident. He encouraged others to think him a coward to keep the illusion going. He also wore thick, black-rimmed glasses that made him look bookish. In the world of TV (and movies) those differences are enough to make it plausible that his secret identity could remain secret.

    As Eric points out, however, the differences between Hannah and Miley are all superficial. Their personalities are the same. She does nothing to make herself seem different.

  34. Takino says:

    That's right! How dare you, Mr. Snider, how dare you not watch every single show on every channel regarless of whether or not it holds any sort of appeal for you whatsoever, just in case it happens to be made into a movie! And if Disney says it's good, then who are you to question it? Hu? Hu?

  35. Ruby says:

    I love it when these Hannah Montana obsessed girls comment. "get over urself!!!!!!" Awesome review, Eric. I've been waiting for this review for such a long time. As soon as I heard it was gonna be a movie. And no, Brian, your not alone.

  36. Muse says:

    I think this review is fair. The fact that Eric isn't the target audience is irrelevant. He bashed it for being cliched and nonsensical. His age has nothing to do with that. Plus, I'm sure plenty of teen girls don't like Hannah Montana. I'm a girl not far out of my teens, and I think the show is pretty awful and doubt the movie is much better. On the other hand, I have a 20 year old friend who loves Hannah Montana. Obviously, taste in movies (and tv shows) is completely subjective.

  37. Kit says:

    RE: the people who bring up Clark Kent -- I think most people would argue that the Clark Kent persona is rather brainless too. Though in her defense, at least Hannah wears a wig.

    I do admire the kids' physical comedy chops. It's pretty bad comedy, but they perform it admirably. I just wish we had enough faith in our kids' intelligence to give them something less transparent. I'm sure they can handle some smarter jokes.

  38. Carrie says:

    #24 Jennifer, the soul patch is creepy and gross. Also, this particular soul patch is worn by Billy Ray Cyrus.
    #25 Sassy Alex, speaking for non-stupid girls everywhere, that's offensive.
    Re: #28. I shall now and forever refer to Clark Kent by his full name, I.E Clark Kent.

    Miley and Billy Ray made a surprise appearance in South Jordan, Utah, today at one of the showings of the movie. Consider the **** of hundreds of teenage girls lost.

  39. Da BestieS =]] says:

    Its The best movie ever.... we loved thiis move iit made tears come to are eyes..!! LOL

    but iits a great moviie...... WE LOVE HANNAH MONTANA/MILEY CYRUS =]]

  40. Mrs. H-B says:

    Oh, this review was just EVERYTHING I ever dreamed it would be. The comments are just a cherry on the top of a tasty movie review sundae. I pray nightly that someone else will take my husband's nieces to see this cheesy pile of cheese.

  41. Carina says:

    Carrie, I heart you.

    Yes, Eric, you having a girlfriend would CURE THIS MOVIE. And AIDS.

  42. Clumpy says:

    People might make the argument that kids' shows aren't meant to have a brain, but when I was a kid we watched "Sesame Street" (which was pretty original and clever back in the day), Steven Spielberg-produced cartoons that beat most adult shows these days for wittiness (and not just the comedies - remember the surprisingly mature storylines of the animated Batman series)? Even Pee Wee's Playhouse was nice and weird.

    It's not okay for kids to watch stuff like Hannah Montana. Demeaning your audience with catchy tripe is worse than pushing the boundaries of good taste with edgy material.

  43. Rob D. says:

    I'm guessing some of the same people that are sending Raven Symone e-mails are writing comments about this movie.

  44. Christy says:

    Apparently (a) having a girlfriend, (b) having a real job, and (c) being a tween girl would make Eric like this movie more. For the sake of science, Eric, will you try watching it that way?

  45. Lou says:

    Seriously? You seriously put forth that much time and effort for a review on a Disney Hanna Montana movie? I clicked on the review hoping for a modest chuckle but Eric going into the in-depth analysis and plot summary was honestly 100,000,000,000,000 sadder than this movie could possibly be. I think it's safe to assume that the writers didn't really have the 18-34 male living in his mother's basement audience in mind. Easy formula: show the teen boys T&A and the pre-teen girls Hanna...it sells. Artistic integrity takes a backseat to $$ any day. Wise up man.

  46. Jodie says:

    I can't think of a single way that Eric seeing the show prior to seeing the movie would effect the MOVIE REVIEW. When he reviewed Spongebob he hadn't seen that show either.

    Now, assuming that he does not have any KIDS or nieces/nephews that frequently hand around gun U can think of no reason WHY he would the show. And if he did, I'd be worried.

    He is merely going by the facts of the movie and assessing their entertainment value. And the value is LOW. I'm 16, and I like Miley as person. I think she's cool. I can't stand her father. I love Emily Osment also, I think she's going to grow up to be a good actress.

    However, I can't stand Hannah Montana. I could never get past the wig thing and the fact that everyone on that show goes crazy for her music. Now just girls. That's unnatural and weird. That's like a guy getting hyped to see a Jessica Simpson concert. It makes no sense.

    He graded the movie objectively, and what you think won't change his review. And if you don't think his job is "real" don't visit his site. He won't look for you.

  47. Jodie says:

    Ugh. Instead of "hand" I meant "hang" and instead of "U" I meant "you". Instead of "now" i meant "not".

    I wish this site had an edit button. Geez.

  48. Renee says:

    I think you guys are missing the fact this movie is for teens not so much adults. Many girls like the drama that this movie provides. If you were to take your daughter to this movie she would probably love this movie.

  49. kendall tucker says:

    i saw the movie the first day it came out and i loved it it was so great when the movie was over i couldnt stop smiling (smaily mily lol) it was a great movie and you should go see

  50. N Daley says:

    Renee,

    We completely understand that this movie is made for teens and not adults, but any Pixar film is funny, witty, and appeals to people of ALL ages. I just can't believe that people in Hollywood are actually getting paid to come up with movies like this.

  51. Christina D says:

    I would never, never, never, never ever let my tween child watch Hannah Montana. It may be "harmless" but it also requires that your child have no brain to watch it. That show is ridiculously stupid and apparently it's having some sort of effect on children's brains... as evidenced by the fact that the people commenting here that liked it can't even spell. Laaaaaame.

    BTW, I loved the review Eric, it made me laugh at least 4 times. Thanks! :D

  52. vontrapp says:

    What none of the tweens here realize is that the _review_ is intended for adults, unlike the movie, which is every bit as awful (to us) as he makes it out to be.

  53. Amp says:

    "Holes" came to mind as a movie that was firmly aimed at children/teens, but not the least bit stupid. To quote Eric's review (he gave it a B):

    ""Holes" was made by adults who know the best kids' movies are the ones that don't talk down to kids. They assume children are smart, which they are, and that they can follow fairly complicated plots, which they can. Kids' movies, on the whole, should make fewer flatulence jokes and focus more on treating children like real people, the way "Holes" does."

    That your market is tweens is no excuse for producing mindlessness. I think it's insulting to suggest tweens don't deserve or want quality entertainment.

  54. CoolBoy says:

    I agree with N Daley (50). A movie that is aimed at youth/children does not have to be senseless, irrational, and shallow.

    How would that work for other genres? When something like "Epic Movie" comes out and reviewers bash it for being (in a word), idiotic, do droves of obsessed stoners come out of the woodwork to say "Hey! It doesn't matter that it took 7 writers to make something cliche and unfunny! It's aimed at tasteless morons and we don't need our raunchiness to be served-up on a creative silver platter!"

    Yeah, not going to work. The folks who make these movies are only looking to make an easy buck from suckers.

  55. Randy Tayler says:

    Eric, I'm inclined to recommend that you put some profanity somewhere on the site so that internet filters will block your page, keeping the kids away.

    But the annoyance is definitely outweighed by the amusement. Ah, youth. May I never grow young.

  56. FHL says:

    Eric, if you could (c) be a tween girl, please post a picture. =)

  57. Jessica Bakerrr says:

    This was SUPER mean .

    The movie CANT be that bad .

    Of course a OLD man wouldnt get it .

    The show / movie was made for LITTLE kids .

    & Hannah is a very bug ROLE MODEL for many children .

    So stop being so R U D E ! ! (:

  58. Gman says:

    You have never seen the tv show, "of course." Why of course? You either have no kids or don't spend much time with them. Your review demonstrates that you have just enough brains to be dangerous, and reminded me why I generally hate critics as a species. You strike me as an elitist snob and a nit-picking s.o.b.

    For the record, I am no hick, and have spent years of my life in both urban, suburban, and rural environments, in this country and others. With that in mind, I must say I found your remark that the Crowley Corners, Tenn. town buildings included a "moonshine distillery, book incinerator, Klan headquarters, etc." to be in very poor taste indeed.

    Your endless comments about Hannah's wig, Hannah's fans, etc. are really too stupid to deserve comment. However, I'm willing to grant that your ignorance on these matters and others is a consequence of your never having seen the tv show.

    I am a father of four and took two of my children, aged 9 and 7, to the show tonight. We all enjoyed it very much, and I can strongly recommend it as a family outing.

  59. Chrystle says:

    In Re: # 32 - Don't you feel special, Eric? Apparently Butter thought that you were a stodgy middle aged man. Since when is mid thirties middle aged?

  60. arkitek says:

    the other bestfriend, oliver, knows about the hannah secret. =j

  61. Michael says:

    Hannah Montana is actually one of the better Disney Channel shows, in the sense that a tornado is better than a hurricane.

  62. Shannon Conley says:

    I completely disagree with your review of this movie. Although, the plot was just like any other sitcom on television today, but for a young audience who this is pointed out to, it is a wonderful film. For the younger audience it doesn't matter about all that crap you mentioned it is about the story and about how the main character can overcome all of the bad things.

  63. crazedc says:

    Great review. Laughed several times. Some of these comments are pretty good too :) I watched the TV show as part of my thesis on childrens television. Meh. It's harmless and occasionally funny.

  64. Jenifer .K says:

    I was ok with my children liking hannah but after those nasty racy pics i do not alow her in my house! what kind of a role model is that?

  65. Ian M. Cook says:

    lol. Good review. My favorite of Eric's reviews are the negative ones. The review of this movie could have been the review of any Hannah Montana episode. My girls like the show, and I will probably take them to see it. I used to watch stupid crap on TV when I was a kid, so, I don't see how taking them to see this will be too harmful.

    I love some of the comments on this post. The anger of some of those posting is classic, especially the adults. This is great, I'm the same age as Eric (low to mid thirties :-)), and I have kids but I definitely hope I am not considered middle aged. lol.

  66. NC-17man says:

    "Yes, I can see why you would think that this movie is brainless. No one is getting killed. No blood baths. No offensive or inappropriate language. No sexual innuendos. I'll take "brainless" humor, appropriate for a tween, over the "intellectual" garbage that is being produced any day of the week."

    Boy, the clean=quality argument - it never gets old. His review actually made it pretty clear why he thought it was brainless - and it's not because of the lack of blood baths or inappropriate language (though I, for one, just love inappropriate language, and always want more of it in my films.) And, in addition to actually reading the review, you might want to check out his reviews of many of the Disney and Pixar movies, to see that he doesn't hate every movie without sex and blood and stuff like that. He just hates the ones that offer nothing of intelligence for the adult viewer.

    And, for the record, equating films that contain adult content with "garbage" is one of the silliest things you can do.

    "Your review demonstrates that you have just enough brains to be dangerous"

    Eric dangerous? How so? I'm intrigued.

  67. Thoughtful Observer says:

    First of all, love the review. Second, love the angry comments. They're always so entertaining. I mean, for some reason people think that tween females are brainless dolts who should, nay must, be entertained by mindless drivel that they've seen a thousand times before. I was a tween girl once not so long ago, and man would I never have been caught dead watching a tv show or movie like this. Then again, I was smart. And had standards. I guess all you young women out there who are yelling at Eric for not liking the movie because you enjoy the brainless entertainment are saying you aren't smart and it's okay to not be smart. Maybe instead of making apologies for Disney for pandering you and treating you like idiots, you should demand more intelligent entertainment. That's what I did. Then again, I was smart. What excuse do you have?

    Sorry, that was mean. I just get so angry at stupid young women making excuses as though all young women are stupid. ::Deep breath:: Anyway, funny review.

  68. Craig says:

    So does anyone besides me have the sneaking suspicion that comments 19-39 were written by the same person? Pretty funny, though.

  69. Sofia says:

    Butter: "Us teenage girls, well most of us at least, like this so-called "brainless" humor. I understand why you think it's stupid, but make sure you factor in the audience while reviewing this movie. Take it from the perspective of a "tween" girl, instead of a middle-aged man."

    Even at 14, I did not like brainless movies,and you shouldn't take pride in the fact that you like them. Go read a book. I mean you can type properly, so you can do better. Movies like this should not even be made and to aim them at young girls is insulting. It encourages them to wear wigs and for me to hate tweens more than I already do, and I'm only in my 20's!

    I disagree with the whole snaggletooth bit though. C'mon, Miley Cyrus isn't ugly.

  70. Jessica says:

    Your a mean guy!

    Hannah Montana;s the best!

    I love her, if it's so brainless why would you write about it?

    Yeah, that makes you just even more brainless!

  71. Ella says:

    I for one have not seen the hannah montana movie but i am a fan of the show. I am 13 and think that even though I didn't see the movie, I do have a reason (reasonS accually) to write a comment about this review.

    1. I am getting this review link from a google gadget that I put on my home page on iGoogle and this review is one that comes up when I click reviews under hannah montana the movie and I am not familiar with this website but the title of the page says eric D. snider and these reviews are called "snide remarks" and according to dictionary.com snide means:derogatory(tending to lessen the merit or reputation of a person or thing)in a nasty, insinuating manner. So the way I interpret this page is that it is for trashing movies.

    2. I don't know about anyone else but I know that the whole reason I look at the review of a movie is to see if it is worth seeing. Starting on the seventh paragraph and ending piontlessly four paragraphs later this page contains what is going to happen in the movie THEN it warns us that if you haven't seen the movie you shouldn't read it. They don't show in the exiting parts in the previews so that people will want to see the movie to find out what happens.Therefore, this review is completely defeating the purpose of seeing it, first by trashing it, second by telling everyone what is going to happen!

    3. Qoute-"Is this itwalked into a movie about cinderella or High school musical would you expect anything more? I would like to see your reviews of those movies.

    I would go on but I don't have 5 hours to spend on the computer.

    ? A show about a girl who gets into wacky situations and then screws everything up by being an idiot?"

    IT'S A G-RATED MOVIE which means if a four year old went to the movies without a parent,they could get in(aside from calling their parents to make sure that they know theyre child is ok, obviously.) The screwing up part is a mistake which leads to a lesson that miley ALWAYS admits to learning at the end. As said by miley herself "The minute I stop making mistakes is the minute I stop learning."

    THIS MOVIE IS FOR KKKKKKIIIIIDDDDDSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The makers of this movie didn't make it so that some old geezer would like seeing it. Of course it is going to be "brainless" to you because it's a disney film which is a KIDS channel -you aren't a KID! If you walked into a movie about cinderella or high school musical would you expect anything more? I would like to see your reviews of them.

  72. Michael says:

    I am honored to be a firsthand witness to the classic "HEY LOOK! The word SNIDE is in the name of the column SNIDE Remarks so that means Eric is SNIDE and SNIDE is bad!" argument.

    PS: I am 15 years old and think Disney Channel should be thrown into a very hot fire. I'm insulted that some people think I eat this stuff up because I'm young. :(

  73. Heli says:

    This show is for KKK-KIDS? Only white supremacists allowed? But I kkkkid #71.

    Eric, take note; you are only allowed to review movies that are targeted specifically at you. All your reviews should be positive from now on.

  74. matt says:

    Michael gives me hope for the future. Ella too, actually, though she could use a copy editor.

  75. Michael C says:

    You who take umbrage at this review fail to realize that your protestations prove everything we grown-ups think about this movie and its equally vapid fans. One hopes and prays the IQ-lowering effects are temporary.

  76. sara says:

    iam 16 years old and iam affended at what was said here

    miley rules and youre just a hater

    i cannot get over the fact that you said she was ugly

    miley is very pretty and as a matter of fact you must be ugly and a hater for that but whatever you really hurt my feelings

    i have to be the biggest miley fan ever and you suck

    i just cant get over you..................

  77. Casey says:

    I completeley agree with ella(#71) exept I couldn't understand number three. And I disagree with Heli. I think what ella was trying to say was that eric should have included or understood that the movie was G and wasn't for his age group. But to ella- eric is only in his 30s not a geezer. lol. ps- im 28. Just saying that because apparently age matters when writing a comment.

  78. CC says:

    Having read only some of these comments, I admit my perspective may not be quite as inclusive as some. The point I'd like to make, though, is that while yes, Eric is not a preteen girl, he makes no attempt to disguise that fact. Everyone's entitled to their opinion on a movie, whether it's eleven-year-old girls or 30-year-old men. However, this goes both ways.

    I think it's rude to say that just because a young person watches this show, they're automatically a brainless fool. Plenty of adult shows/movies are just as pointless, and they get ridiculously good box office sales and ratings. My sister is nine years old, and she watches Hannah Montana, so I've seen it too. Sure, it can be pointless and unrealistic. That's the point. This isn't about Hollywood writers purposefully offending a cyber-nation of cynics. It's about Hollywood writers trying to make money. And, since the Hannah Montana franchise is so successful, I'd say they're doing a pretty good job of it. The fact that my sister watches this show doesn't make her an incompetent idiot, it makes her a normal nine-year-old girl. I apologize she doesn't have the taste of a supremely sophisticated adult, but I don't think that that gives people the right to insult her or the entirety of the preteen population.

    That being said, some of these comments annoy me as a teenager... Honestly, to those people, please read these comments and understand that people who hate this movie hate it for exactly this reason "OMGG LOLL HANNAH MONTANANA IZZZ DA BESTTT MOVIE EVR!" And it's really not helping anything.

  79. Michael says:

    I just saw an interview with the stars of Hannah Montana, and somehow the topic of "How to be funny" came up. (*cough* *cough*)

    It doesn't have much to do with the review, but this was one of the answers.

    "When in doubt, make big eyes or fall down. It's ALWAYS funny."

    srsly. I'm depressed that this is the majority of entertainment that is given to us.

  80. CC says:

    Very funny review, though, I must admit. Especially the soul patch comment... I agree Billy Ray's sharklike desire to feed off of his daughter's fame/soul patch is rather disturbing.

  81. SAMcq says:

    Okay, this is getting slightly ridiculous. Eric writes a brilliant review for a D+ movie (and that's definitely what it deserves) and people start bashing him for being mean to the children for telling them that Disney channel sucks.

    Well surprise everyone, but the disney channel sucks. Even though it's definitely "made for kids," the writers at disney who are coming up with ridiculous shows like hannah montana are not positively contributing to society by providing this brainwashing trash.

    I'm not saying people who watch hannah montana are stupid, i'm saying people who watch it are steadily becoming less intelligent. And what morals or values does it teach kids anyway? That adults are stupid? Even as a teenager, it was appalling to me to see how disney channel portrays grown-ups so idiotically in shows like hannah montana, the suite life of zack and cody, and so on. It's time to find better entertainment for the children in america. Though it might be entertaining to young children who don't actually care what's happening on the screen, it's imperative that children do NOT get the message that life is actually how it's portrayed by the disney channel. Adults aren't clowns in the real world and society isn't as idiotic as hollywood says so. If anything the disney channel is only portraying the faulty type of life that exists within the corrupt spheres of hollywood and the media, NOT real life.

    Anyone who doesn't agree with me needs to watch one or two episodes and the movie and see if you can prove me otherwise.

    Additionally, not only are the adults in hannah montana portrayed as stupid, but so is society. That, or Miley has a truly magical blond wig. Apparently the only people who are intelligent enough to think for themselves or consider multiple points of view are the teenagers and tweens, which is absolutely backwards. Now teenagers aren't exactly clueless, but the teen years are definitely a critical time for individual learning and development of character. Teenagers don't know everything about life yet because they haven't had enough time to experience it, which is why parents and other adults exist. Adults aren't ignorant of a teenager's feelings or problems, and society isn't as idiotic as the disney channel expects us to believe.

    Again, i'm not trying to say that everyone who watches or enjoys hannah montana is stupid. That's not true. Children are perfectly entitled to watch a D+ movie like hannah montana and thoroughly enjoy it. However, when a kid is old enough and smart enough to interpret the plot and rhetorical purpose of their entertainment, it's time to switch to something a lot less superficial and shallow. Hannah montana may be great for small kids, but for tweens? One has to wonder.

  82. kacy says:

    this is for samcg.

    i am 18 years old and i consider myself old anough and i think that the ****** you wrote is stupid i see mothing wrong with the script of hannah montana i find it very amousing and i have watched all episode of the show and the movie 3 times alraidy and i have not became less inteligent i did 3 years ONLY in high school and i attend chapel hill and is recieving all As in my class and i dont think you or anyone else in the world consider that to be not inteligent and iam more than a tween iam an adult.

  83. Michael says:

    Kacy,

    That was hilarious. Thanks for making my day.

  84. Fueling says:

    Oh Kacy...or kacy I guess, or is it 'i' guess? Is that how the kids these days write the 'I' pronoun?...whatever...you have made me smile in at least 8 different ways.

  85. Carrie says:

    #68 Craig, it's possible it's just you because there is absolutely no way I'm responsible for all of those comments before mine at #38.

    #75 Michael C, I think using "big" words to convince others of your grown-upness is as bad as some other stuff going on in these comments.

    #82 Kacy, awfulsome!

  86. Jalen says:

    People, People, Calm down! Everyone who wants a tween/caring mother father point of view please visit Parent Previews.com and look at the review. They gave it a 5/5. Everyone else stay here and enjoy.

  87. Jalen says:

    Oh and btw i love how there are hannah montana ads right next to the review

  88. Portia says:

    Eric, I am shocked--nay, appalled--that you fail to see the genius of Hannah Montana, She's the Man, and that one movie where Lindsay Lohan inexplicably falls into a pile of french fries, or something, because she's famous?

    This is the most high-quality, high-brow, thought-provoking art of our day!

    How DARE someone disagree with me? On the Internet! Let's all go to Portland and throw teabags at Eric! Dirty hippie.

    As a BYU alumnus, you should represent the school better. As it clearly states in the 6th article of faith (which you probably haven't read, being an apostate, and preferring trash like The Godfather), lo, if there is anything Disneyfied, innocuous, implausible, corny, and mind-numbing, we seek after these things.

    Your sullying of the minds of the youth does not amuse us, sir. Sneaking in "sex" through "sextillion." What next . . . stoners watching Yo Gabba Gabba? Allegations that the priest has inappropriate lust after Ariel? Three-quarters-naked Indian statues in Zion?

    Forsooth, these are baseless rumors, and I will proceed to obsessively search every clip on YouTube which alleges thus, to type up my pointed, timely, important, and probably-will-be-turned-into-a-doctoral-thesis rebuttal.

    You owe Ms. Cyrus a personal apology, and a fake email address so you can post her fans' mail, since Raven Symon*é* seems to have gotten to Reubenesque for her target population. You must dress yourself in sackcloth, ashes, and a soul patch for forty days.

  89. Portia says:

    amousing=amusing+arousing

    antonyms: fugly, your mom, Hannah Montana: The Movie

  90. hecowe says:

    Just got back from vacation.

    What's a soul patch?

  91. Eric says:

    What's a soul patch?

    http://lmgtfy.com/?q=soul+patch

  92. Bundy says:

    To summarize everything said so far.

    FOR MILEY: "The movie is great for it's target audience." The arguments against to, "Just because a target audience likes it doesn't mean it is a good movie."

  93. Nina says:

    So sad. Yes, Hannah Montana fails desperately as far as original plotlines go. Or realistic scenarios. Or comedy that's actually funny. But the truth is, what else do we expect our kids to watch? What else can parents feel safe letting their small children and tweens watch, besides the Disney Channel? There are small children in my household; I've seen the show more than once. It's definitely not Oscar-worthy, but it's always clean.

  94. wentzel25 says:

    "i am 18 years old and i consider myself old anough and i think that the ****** you wrote is stupid i see mothing wrong with the script of hannah montana i find it very amousing and i have watched all episode of the show and the movie 3 times alraidy and i have not became less inteligent i did 3 years ONLY in high school and i attend chapel hill and is recieving all As in my class and i dont think you or anyone else in the world consider that to be not inteligent and iam more than a tween iam an adult."

    This has got to be one of the most elaborate parodies I've ever read. Kudos to you, Kacy. ... This was a hoax, right? Please tell me you're a witty satirist mimicking teenage Hannah fans. If not, God help us all. The future could be very bleak. Favorite line: "and i ... is recieving all As in my class." Me fail English? That's unpossible!

  95. Brittany says:

    I actually liked this movie. Honestly though, for all you people saying that Eric is stupid and is a hater and what not, your doing the exact same thing. Everyone's entitled to their opinion, and the rest of the world can deal with it. Just state your opinion, and say whatever you like, but don't offend people...

  96. Steve says:

    "...what else do we expect our kids to watch? What else can parents feel safe letting their small children and tweens watch, besides the Disney Channel?" (#93)

    1) Anything ever made by Pixar
    2) The Planet Earth (BBC)
    3) The Cosby Show (re-runs are all over the place)
    4) I Love Lucy (again, re-runs abound)
    5) Shut off the stupid box and make them go outside

    The list goes on and on, and everything I have mentioned (besides the last one) is an intelligent, well-written piece of entertainment, miles beyond anything currently found on the Disney Channel. And kids like it. However, if you are asking if there is a particular channel that I would always be OK with my kids watching any time of the day, knowing that I would have no issues with what happened to be on at any particular time, the answer is a resounding NO, and especially not the Disney Channel.

    And I'm sick of people saying, "Hey, you may think it's dumb, but the kids like it, so what's the big deal?" My kids would also like to eat cake and candy all day and never eat any vegetables. They would like to not go to school and to never do homework. They would like to never clean their rooms or do chores. Some things are more than just a matter of personal taste.

  97. Cristy says:

    I like the number 5, Steve!

  98. Steve says:

    A corollary to my previous statement (#96): When people say "it may be stupid, but at least it's not offensive," I think, "I may be in excruciating pain, but at least it doesn't hurt."

  99. Nina says:

    Steve, that one actually made me laugh. I'm not out to offend anyone, and you're right when you say that most kids shouldn't be watching as much TV as they do. I don't concede my point- i don't see anything wrong with Hannah Montana- but Eric, this was a genius review!

  100. You don't need to know says:

    actually it makes alot of sense its that hannah montanna gets so popular that miley is not being like herself so they go to tennessee her home and she realises that this is the place she loves so... watch it and think about the storyline if your going to right bad stuff about it.

  101. Dave says:

    #100: watch what you write and think about your spelling if "your" going to "right" bad stuff about this review.

  102. HomestarJr says:

    xkcd.com had a comic a while ago about how your computer should read your dumb comments back to you so you can hear how stupid they are.

    I plugged #24 into the Microsoft SAM voice. It's kind of funny. The youtube audio preview voice is much better, but it couldn't handle the entire post.

    I was hoping for an F review, but this was still ok. I was horrified to find a Hannah Montana button on my 7 year old daughter's backpack a few weeks ago. We don't even have the Disney Channel in our home, it looks like stupidity is spreading to my kids despite my best efforts to keep them sheltered from it.

  103. Cassandra Helene Nielsen says:

    I'm a big Hannah fan and I was sceptical about this movie, because I didn't found the previews looking so promising. A part of me still wishes that Disney could just for once have left the series alone, cause I actually used to love the series and Disney has a way to destroy their own products with making sequels and movies to them.

    But anyway; The Hannah Montana movie. It wasn't as bad as expected, but still not as great as it could have been. The movie had some great parts. The beginning was dynamic and engaging. The score from John Debney was one of his better scores and there was a lot of good comedy and great, dynamic dialog. And some great songs too, like "Let's Get Crazy", "Crazier" (by Taylor Swift), Billy Ray Cyrus' "Back to Tennessee" and "Hoedown Throedown". And the cinematography of Tennessee was beautiful.

    But where did the Hannah movie fell flat? In the third act, where the movie became too sappy and melodramatic. The drama didn't belonged at the same movie who was at the beginning upbeat and cheerful. Why do most teen-flicks have to be like that?

    And another question; How can anyone like "The Climb"? It one of the most sappy, dreadful ballads I've ever heard and Miley oversings it with a voice who doesn't quite fit the song. "The Climb" destroyed the movie for me. Sure, the song has a good message, but didn't had to do anything with the actual story. There are so much better ballads out there who deserves attention.

    Overall, until the highly dissapointing third act the movie was excellent, but as a Hannah fan, I'd hoped that the entire movie could have been excellent.

    Many reviewers have claimed that Hannah fans would like the movie. I'm not so sure about that comment

  104. Vinessa says:

    Okay, I get what your saying about the Hannah and Miley looking too much alike and everything like that. But, the show isn't about tricking everyone into thinking that Miley and Hannah are different people. It's mainly about an ordinary girl making it big. It shows that if you try your hardest, anything can happen. So don't talk about the movie unless you have seen the show or have a tween daughter force you to watch it with her. Then you will understand the concept.

  105. He says, She says says:

    The concept of the show is good #104, but that doesn't make up for it being spectacurly annoying and unfunny.

  106. Emily says:

    Alright then #104, I'm a 17 year old girl and I have seen most of the episodes of Hannah Montanna as well as the movie. I understand the concept and I think the movie was stupid - the ending actually made me angry.

    I think children need to be given a little more credit here. How is it at all plausible that a whole town would keep her secret? I'd sell her out and collect a huge payout.

    Am I the only one that would do that?

    I doubt it very much.

    I don't care who the target audience is - I don't think that even children would believe it.

  107. John D says:

    #106, I would totally sell her out. First I would take some pictures of the unmasking (un-wigging?). Then I would blackmail her into paying me an absurd amount of cash to keep her real identity a secret. After she'd paid up, I would spread the news to the tabloids and start a vicious bidding war for the photos. Once I had collected the payout from that, I'd call it good and retire to somewhere tropical. Hawaii, maybe.

    Hmm . . . I really should stop posting comments at this time of night. It seems to bring out my evil side.

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