Freedom of Depress
Snide Remarks #639
"Freedom of Depress"
by Eric D. Snider
Published on August 22, 2011
This week marks the second anniversary of the incident wherein my antidepressants quit working and I had a bit of what doctors call "cuckoo time." Boy howdy, that was not pleasant! I did not enjoy that experience very much at all! You should try not to let that happen to you!
I wrote a long, boring column about it a few months later in which I said the incident had been the worst couple weeks of my life. And it wasn't even a close contest. When the other nominees for Worst Couple Weeks of Eric's Life saw my Great Depression unfolding, they were like, "Oh, man, forget about it," like Oscar-hungry actresses watching a new Meryl Streep movie.
But as bad as the experience was, I realize I was lucky. The worst of it -- the crippling, debilitating, I-cannot-possibly-endure-this misery -- only lasted a couple weeks, followed by several weeks that were up and down but manageable as the new medication I'd been prescribed began to take effect. After this came four or five months of general okay-ness, marked by occasional flurries of emotional weirdness wherein I became unduly upset by nonsensical things, and one time I was at a party when this happened, and I wanted to go home but didn't want everyone to know I was leaving early, so when nobody was looking I climbed out the back window.
Not to detract from my own pain or to diminish the amount of sympathy I want from you, but I've heard from other people whose struggle with clinical depression lasted longer than mine did, or who had less success finding effective treatment. There's a shload of different antidepressants on the market -- which is good because there's not a standard drug and dosage that works for everyone and so it's helpful to have options, but bad because the only way to find out what's going to work for you is trial and error. I got lucky and found the right medication immediately: fluoxetine (aka Prozac), coupled with prescription-strength Ben & Jerry's. We had to tinker with the dosage, but we eventually found it. Now every morning I take a fistful of pills, and every evening I take a half-pint of Peanut Butter Cup, administered orally. (The suppository had unpleasant side effects.)
Some people don't believe in clinical depression as an actual diagnosable medical condition. They'll say, "Drugs are a crutch! You just need to eat healthier, get more exercise, and think positive! It's all in your head!" These people are known as "stupid jerks who should shut their stupid mouths." Certainly there is potential for abuse and for over-reliance on drugs, and certainly factors like diet, lifestyle, and mindset play a significant role in treating depression. In some cases, that's all it takes. But for most people suffering from clinical depression -- not bein' down in the dumps or feelin' blue, but actual chemical-imbalance-in-the-brain depression -- it will require a combination of behavioral changes AND medication. No one who has not experienced the true darkness of real depression has any business telling someone who has that he or she doesn't need medication, any more than you would say that someone with a broken arm doesn't need a cast, or that someone wearing jean shorts doesn't need to change clothes. Shame on anyone who considers it a sign of weakness to seek legitimate medical help for depression, especially when there are so many better reasons to look down on others.
I'm harping on this point for two reasons. One, I sought medical help for my own depression, which means it's not a sign of weakness but a sign of awesomeness. Two, it's still common for people to avoid getting help because they're afraid it IS a sign of weakness, or that they'll feel stigmatized, or that if they can't snap out of it on their own they don't deserve to snap out of it at all. That's crazy talk, but it's how some people feel. Because they are crazy. And they need to get help so they can stop being crazy. Thinking you don't deserve to overcome depression is one of the clearest signs that you need to get help and overcome that depression!
Fortunately, there's less stigma about this kind of thing than there used to be. If you're hesitant to get help because you're worried other people will think less of you, there's a pretty good chance you're wrong. (Dummy.) The naysayers I castigated so eloquently a couple paragraphs ago are a small minority. Most people today are sympathetic, if only because most people today know someone personally who has dealt with it. According to the National Institute of Mental Health, 20% of all American adults will suffer from clinical depression or one of its relatives (like bipolar disorder) at some point in their lives, and 9.5% suffer from it in any given 12-month period. In other words, assuming the people you associate with are American adults, there's a pretty good chance that one-tenth of the people you associate with are dealing with depression or bipolar disorder right now. That's about the same percentage of people who are left-handed, and nobody looks down on them anymore, not since the great Sinister Uprising that cast off the shackles of right-handed oppression and left thousands of righties stabbed to death with blunt, inefficient scissors.
I don't mean to suggest that medication is a magic thing that will instantly heal your addled brain and have you skipping merrily out of your doctor's office with rainbows beaming from your orifices. Though they are colloquially known as "happy pills," antidepressants don't make you feel happy; they make you feel normal. Being happy is still up to you. All the Prozac in the world isn't going to make you happy if you're living your life without purpose or direction, or if you're selfish, or if you focus on the negative, or if you treat the people around you unkindly. If you're suffering from depression AND you're just a crappy person, you're probably going to keep being miserable until you stop being a crappy person.
Those are generalities, though. Everybody's different. For me, no amount of change to my behavior and thought patterns was going to fix me without some pharmaceutical assistance -- and vice versa. But sometimes you can overcome it through therapy alone, or through prayer and meditation, or by following the guidance in self-help books, or by taking any of the herbs and vitamins that the hippies who shop at Whole Foods Market recommend to you. Hey, if it works for you, go for it. If it doesn't work, try something else. The important thing to remember is that virtually every case of depression or bipolar disorder can be helped by something. Maybe not cured entirely, and maybe not forever, but helped. And since I don't like to get all serious about stuff, pretend that this column ends with a fart noise.
This item has 42 comments
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Clumpy says:
August 22, 2011 at 6:38 pmI've often felt that emotional and mental disorders can be more harrowing than purely physical ones, if only because the victim often suffers mainly in silence. People have a tendency to believe that anything that they can't see simply doesn't exist, leading to patently silly advice at best and complete insensitivity at the worst. Kudos for taking the proper route to dealing with this issue and hopefully the current trend of de-stigmatization of these illnesses can continue.
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Jeigh says:
August 22, 2011 at 7:09 pmI was pretty darn depressed for about three years of Jr. High and High School. It may have been clinical "chemical-imablance-in-your-brain" depression, but I doubt it because things got rapidly better for me after that with no medication, no doctor, nothing.
And considering what those three years were like for me, my heart goes out to those suffering the same or worse through no fault of their own. Nothing quite saps the fun out of hedonism like depression.
And Eric, I love how you can make fun of so many things (yourself not excluded) in an article about something you obviously feel very strongly about. :)
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Teri says:
August 22, 2011 at 7:22 pmI had the "I don't need meds--I'm tougher than that" mentality...until I discovered that I needed the meds. That was a hard pill to swallow. Now I can be the best me with a little pharmaceutical assistance, and I'm okay with that.
So glad that you're on the upside! ;)
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Hendiadys says:
August 22, 2011 at 7:27 pmThank you so much for this column, for the notes at the end. I've been looking for help with this. Also, congratulations on finding something that works for you :)
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Hendiadys says:
August 22, 2011 at 7:28 pmI meant to say "and" after the column. The whole column is excellent, and the note is a big help, too.
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Karen M says:
August 22, 2011 at 7:45 pmI'm dealing with a bit of this myself. Thank you for being so open and candid about your experiences. Someone introduced me to this comic today. I thought I would share.
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Dean says:
August 22, 2011 at 7:50 pmI used to be one of the "stupid jerks who should shut their stupid mouths." But after dealing with it myself, in a FAR less severe way than most, I humbly apologized to the people I ever said that to. While mine was short and manageable, I cannot imagine dealing with it longer than a few months. After experiencing it first hand, it is such an a**hole thing to do to tell people who are depressed to exercise it off or drugs are the problem. I am against most medication or drugs, but I was in the doctors office begging for anything to stop feeling that way.
Great article.
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Senora H-B says:
August 22, 2011 at 8:30 pmThank you for being so honest about your battle with depression. It's people like you and other interwebs friends who made me feel okay about seeking help for my depression and anxiety. Life ain't perfect by any means, but it sure is better than it was a year ago.
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Celeste says:
August 22, 2011 at 8:40 pmI really really really wish you had a "share on Facebook" button after this excellent article as I am lazy & stuff. Really really well written & important. Thank you.
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Medicine Man says:
August 22, 2011 at 9:00 pmI was always so sure that the cure to depression would be in my religious faith. When I finally broke down enough that I gave up and tried meds - HOO BOY. What a difference. I honestly couldn't believe that was what "normal" felt like. For once I could see why people were *not* keen on dying.
Nowadays I enjoy chronic back pain, and am often tortured by my sciatic nerve waking me up at night. Makes me want to scream. But I'll take that pain over the depression any time.
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Sam Chazon says:
August 22, 2011 at 9:16 pmNicely said, sir. You taught me a couple of things with this article. I appreciate your honesty. :)
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MikeTheSoundGuy says:
August 22, 2011 at 10:03 pmAwesome use of "Sinister" (yay Latin!) to describe we Lefties.
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Biff Tannen says:
August 22, 2011 at 11:02 pm"That's about the same percentage of people who are left-handed, and nobody looks down on them anymore, not since the great Sinister Uprising that cast off the shackles of right-handed oppression and left thousands of righties stabbed to death with blunt, inefficient scissors."
Golden. Especially the "blunt, inefficient scissors." Well played, sir.
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TashaKay says:
August 23, 2011 at 12:01 amI also second the need for a Facebook sharing button on all your articles ... I am lazy too.
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The Ninjedi says:
August 23, 2011 at 12:29 amReally? Nobody is going to comment on the fact that he linked to an "Ultimate Fart Soundboard"? /Really?/
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Jennifer says:
August 23, 2011 at 12:49 amAs we say in my family, "Better living through chemistry!"
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Jeff J. Snider says:
August 23, 2011 at 12:52 amGood news, friends! There are now buttons for Facebook, Twitter, and Google+ along with the other buttons, available at the bottom of all Snide Remarks and movie reviews. Click away!
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Kay Rookhuyzen says:
August 23, 2011 at 2:19 amI have also suffered from sever depression and I look back now, after years of medication and therapy that lasted a few years, and wonder how I even survived. Feeling like life is not worth living and that the world would be a better place without you in it is a terrible place to be. I know I hurt my family with some of my actions as I tried to find some relief. Medication is a GIFT FROM GOD for which I am ever grateful!
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Tom says:
August 23, 2011 at 4:33 amThe whole "it's all in your head" sentiment isn't entirely inaccurate. In fact, I think that's one of the big problems with clinical depression - disentangling the ailment with your reaction to it. With a broken arm you can say "my arm is broken, that's why I'm sad", but saying "I'm depressed, that's why I'm sad" doesn't work quite as well.
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Lille says:
August 23, 2011 at 7:36 amWoohoo! Now I can totally Facebook-like Snide Remarks! Awesome, thanks. By the way, excellent article, you's on th' point.
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Alex Goodman says:
August 23, 2011 at 7:47 amI too have depression and was resistant for a long time to taking medication. I only wish I had tried it sooner, as it changed my life. Thanks for the column, Eric.
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The Cotton Floozy says:
August 23, 2011 at 9:05 amBrilliant. Thank you for sharing your med-crash story. When that happened to me a few months ago, I remembered the first time you wrote about it. That helped! I overcame mine with a med change and a new doctor. I embroidered this sampler to share with everyone the craziness that is out-of-nowhere-super-depression-with-scary-clowns. http://www.flickr.com/photos/98027952@N00/5728322751/in/photostream
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Joshua Steimle says:
August 23, 2011 at 10:45 amJust the same, if you go in for a job interview don't start it with "I have some behavior problems and sometimes I start yelling and swearing at people in meetings, but that's gotten better since my doctor got my medication right." I still hired the guy, perhaps out of curiosity, but I'm just sayin' it's probably not the first thing you want to advertise about yourself.
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Mark Burns says:
August 23, 2011 at 1:20 pmEric:
The "boring article" you refer to two years ago was superb and much-needed and this article is also. As great as all the other stuff you write is, these two essays will likely be the most important ones you've done--although I guess saving us all from crappy movies in your film reviews is also a crucial service to society. And people who think depression is "all in your head" and those suffering from it should just get over it are like those who still think the earth is 6,000 years old: there is no lack of scientific evidence to prove them wrong, but they choose to ignore it.
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Diane says:
August 23, 2011 at 8:32 pmI very clearly remember your first post about your struggle with depression. I even commented on it. My now ex-husband was on anti-depressants at the time for an agoraphobic diagnosis. He left me suddenly not long after that and has not spoken to me since. It was only after he left that I was told that he has several close family members with Bipolar Disorder. That explained why the loving, funny and kind man married suddenly turned into someone I did not recognize (think Charlie Sheen and his “winning” phase). Everyone I have ever told knew someone or was someone themselves who suffered from a mental disorder. It is so common I find it hard to believe that there are so many misconceptions. The pain of having mental health problems is only made worse by the stigma.
It’s ironic that the situation that lead to my depression was the same thing that made me not hesitate to take anti-depressants when my MD recommended them. I had always been the “pull myself up by bootstraps” gal. But this time was different and I could feel that. Bless you for sharing.
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Ann says:
August 24, 2011 at 12:38 amI've been on and off meds for about 15 years. Poo on the stigma. Medication saved my marriage, it's kept my children alive, and me too, for that matter. I wouldn't deny myself treatment for any other 'lifetime' illness. Good timing btw. Trying to survive one of the top two worst bouts I've ever had right now. And one of the most insensitive, ignorant things anyone's ever said to me about depression was, 'my motto is just "don't worry be happy." Clearly clueless. Good luck.
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Edna T says:
August 24, 2011 at 1:24 pmMedicine is the Best Medicine.
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momma snider says:
August 24, 2011 at 3:17 pmHa ha Edna T!
Eric, I was and am so sorry you had to go through what you did two years ago, but I'm happy for the good things that have come of it!
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Steve says:
August 24, 2011 at 7:34 pmGreat article Eric, as was the one you wrote 2 years ago. Jeigh, it probably was a clinical "chemical-imbalance-in-your" brain depression. As a Special Ed teacher who works with students with emotional disturbances I have seen many students with similar issues. When you're in Jr. High and High your brain is going through so many chemical and hormonal changes that it is quite possible for there to be an imbalance and for you to "grow out of it" as your brain continues to develop and those changes settle down. Not that this happens in every case. (Fun fact for the day: The human brain doesn't finish developing until about the age of 25.)
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Steve says:
August 24, 2011 at 7:36 pmerr.. sorry even teachers make typing errors. That should have read "...when you're in Jr. High and High school..."
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Damon Edwards says:
August 24, 2011 at 11:23 pmLong and boring is right. Sheesh.
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Heather says:
August 25, 2011 at 1:12 amSteve (#29-#30)I like your sentence the first way better! It might actually be just as accurate!
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Neil says:
August 25, 2011 at 9:28 amI had no idea until I read this that Ben & Jerry's has a suppository version. I am SO ALL OVER THAT.
Wait. That came out wrong.
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Yet another sufferer says:
August 25, 2011 at 12:55 pmAs someone who suffered, not primarily from depression but rather from a chronic anxiety disorder (which often led to depression, for reasons that will be obvious), I can only eighteenth all the comments before this one. It helps, folks, it really does.
When I finally gave up, took the meds, and discovered that most people don't have to fight off panic to decide to show up at a friends house unannounced when they were in the area, when I realized that I can plan events with my brothers in advance and have fun with them, 'cause they're my brothers and we all like camping, when I became normal...
It was like waking up. After a few months of learning social skills most people had figured out by the age of 15, and wow, I have a hard time remembering who I was. No more sleepless nights. No more empty weekends. Combining this with supportive friends and a lot of self-applied cognitive therapy, and the world is a very different place.
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aneyone says:
August 25, 2011 at 7:16 pmAre jean shorts cool? I think we all know the real answer...
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Tertium Squid says:
August 26, 2011 at 2:26 pmThis is the absolutely right message:
"The important thing to remember is that virtually every case of depression or bipolar disorder can be helped by something."
However, parsing what you wrote elsewhere, I found this very interesting:
"Certainly there is potential for abuse and for over-reliance on drugs..."
In what way is requiring pills to avoid "crippling, debilitating, I-cannot-possibly-endure-this misery" not "over-reliance"?
That is, are you saying complete reliance is not over-reliance?
Maybe I can guess. Though we depend on water to live, nobody would say we are over-reliant on it. We accept our total dependency. It seems something like this with antidepressants, though of course that moves them from the "drug" category to the "oxygen" category.
So here are two questions for any of the long-term medicated (such as Eric) who care to answer:
1. Can you imagine living and functioning without the pills?
2. What would have to change for your ordinary and sensible "reliance" on these chemicals to become "over-reliance" - i.e. is over-reliance even possible?I'll probably get flamed but my interest is sincere, and my experience with this stuff is more than cursory. Among other things, I was on Ritalin for a decade. I really don't think it was me that was flawed though, it was society for expecting a small child to behave and feel according to certain norms.
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Robison Wells says:
August 26, 2011 at 3:58 pmMan, I needed this column today. I was recently diagnosed with Panic Disorder. I'd fought with it for months, telling myself I just needed to think positive and eat right and go outside more. And I spiraled into a weepy mess.
I'm finally on medicine now (it's been about a month) and I'm seeing gradual improvement.
Now that I know the science—that it's not a "mood disorder" but an actual, physical problem with the autonomic nervous system, it seems crazy that some people insist you can just take a few deep breaths and all your problems will be solved.
Thanks again for the column. You said a lot of things I've been stewing about.
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Janette Rallison says:
August 26, 2011 at 4:23 pmWhen I was pregnant I had severe morning sickness (hyperemesis gravidarum) that put me in the hospital more than once. During my second pregnancy I had to have a feeding tube inserted into my arm (I threw up at least once every half an hour so couldn't have the one down my nose.)
I wanted to kill anyone and everyone who thought morning sickness was all in your mind. (Thank you, Freud, for passing on that bit of wisdom to our society.) Or who recommended I try dry crackers, or said things like, "I had morning sickness too, but I just had to deal with it and soldier on."
I passed out from sitting up too long. My soldier had lost the war.
Our bodies don't work the same as everybody elses body. I don't know why we think they do. So sorry to hear about your problem, Eric. I'm glad you've found something that helps. I hope you're also doing all of those things that will help your body like eating right and excercising. Depression runs in my husband's family and those things help his family members.
Interestingly enough, I found they also help morning sickness. (And I'm going to tell you about it in case there are other women out there with the same problem who are reading this.) Before my last pregnancy (my fourth) I found a midwive's site that claimed if a woman--for at least three months before her pregnancy--went on a diet that cut out fat, sugar, meat and perservitives/additives she could significantly diminish her morning sickness. It was hard to follow. I mostly ate fruit, vegatables, and whole grain homemade bread and waffles.(Tofu for protein.) But in my case it made a world of difference. I just had normal morning sickness instead of hyperemesis gravidarum.
Anyway, thanks for sharing this very personal post with us.
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Heather Moore says:
August 26, 2011 at 5:28 pmGreat article. I've been through small bouts of depression which is nothing like you are writing about here. But several of my loved ones have been diagnosed with various forms of depression, bipolar, borderline, anxiety disorder, etc. etc. So I've read a ton about it, gone to doctors appointments in a supportive capacity, and I agree 100% there is no magic cure for anyone out there. And it's far beyond "eat your veggies & exercise." In fact, exercising mirrors the symptoms of panic attacks (rapid heart rate, tight chest, sweating, etc.) and so can be very very difficult for some people. Sometimes therapy helps, medication can definitely help, and following various cognitive behaviors help as well. Bottom line is that the mental health industry is far behind where it should be. One thing I have read is that you should switch your brand of antidepressant every couple of years. But it just really sucks no matter how you look at it, and our crazy world doesn't make it any easier.
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AWOL says:
August 27, 2011 at 8:33 pmReally?! It's been two years. Wow, time flies when you're having fun...or maybe not given that this article was about depression. In all seriousness though Eric, I recall vividly when you wrote the first article. Though I've never met you, you have become a very big part of my life (in a non-stalker way) and I felt as pained when I read your first article as I would have if a dear friend or family member had confided the same in me. I have never suffered from depression but I could feel the hurt and pain in your writing. I would like to echo the thank you of those that have posted before me. Thank you for sharing this side of you, thank you for having the courage and willingness to inspire others, and thank you for bringing happiness to those of us who may not be depressed but still need to smile.
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Julia says:
August 29, 2011 at 3:00 pmI appreciated your first column on the topic and I happy to see you revisited. I'm also happy that things are better. After a few years of battling with anxiety and depression, I think my friends and family seem to realize what a big deal it is. I still dread the sun coming up each morning, but believe in the meds and therapy I am getting.
Thanks Eric. Great as usual.
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Binky says:
October 30, 2011 at 4:09 pmI'm not resistant to medication, but my depression/anxiety sure is. I still haven't found a combo that works after several years of trying (I think I've covered every med on the market, even the spankin' new Viibryd). I just hope that one day things will work out.
Thanks for sharing your experiences. It helps.
Copyright © Eric D. Snider.
This work may not be transmitted via the Internet, nor reproduced in any other way, without written consent from Eric D. Snider.
Notes:
Don't let a lack of health insurance or disposable income stop you, either. Google something like free mental health clinic + your city to see what options are available where you live.