Eric D. Snider

Getting Tested

Snide Remarks #544

"Getting Tested"

by Eric D. Snider

Published on June 11, 2007

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Well, I guess it's official: After two years of living in Portland, I'm finally a true Oregonian.

I don't mean that I've started doing something ridiculous like selling weed or voting for libertarians. I just mean that I've finally acquired an Oregon driver's license (printed on 100% recycled hemp products), replacing the California license I've had since I was 19.

I got my first license at the usual age of 16, then got a new one with a new picture three years later. After that, California kept renewing it through the mail, even during the 10 consecutive years I lived in Utah. The last renewal, four years ago, even came with my Utah address on it. This confused every police officer and other authority figure who ever looked at it: a California license with a Utah address, not to mention a photo that no longer looked anything like me.

It was set to expire this year, and I had to go to the DMV to register my new car anyway, so I figured I might as well get it over with. After dealing with the auto-registration stuff, I told the nice DMV girl that I should probably get an Oregon license, and she thought that was a fine idea. She said the fee was $50, plus $5 to take the test.

The test! There was to be a test involved! I was very excited, and a little nervous. (Also a little perturbed that it costs $5 to take a test that costs the DMV $0 to administer.) She asked if I wanted to study before taking it, pointing to a rack of driver's ed booklets lining the wall behind me. I said, "It's probably not a very hard test, is it?" She said, "Well, I failed the first time I took it." I looked her up and down and decided I was smarter than she was. "I'll take my chances," I said.

The test was administered via touch-screen computer. Very high-tech. You read the question, look at the four possible answers, and touch the one you think is right. It even tells you your score as you go, so you'll know if you reach the point where you should just give up.

Most of the questions were, as I had predicted, absurdly easy. Either the correct answer was obvious from reading the question, or three of the multiple-choice answers were clearly wrong. There was stuff like this:

You're approaching an intersection just as the light turns from green to yellow. What is the appropriate response?

A. Stop, unless it would be unsafe to do so.
B. Floor it and yell, "Wooooooo-hoo!"
C. Roll down your window and leap out, sending the car careening down the street unoccupied.
D. Chicken strips.

I got 32 of the 36 questions correct, passing with flying colors. It's good to have it certified that I know how to drive, considering I've been doing it for almost 17 years. The questions I missed had to do with specific figures. In one, the computer asked what the penalty is for drunk driving the first time you are caught: suspended license for six months, suspended license for a year, or something else. I guessed it was six months; turns out it's actually a year. I'm not sure why we have to know that, though, unless the thought process of an intoxicated person goes like this:

"You know, I might be a little too tipsy to drive. But hey, if I do drive, and I get caught, they'll only suspend my license for six months. Bah! I can do six months standing on my head. Wait, what? It's actually a year? Oh, eff that. I'm taking a cab."

How's this for an arrangement: I won't drink and drive, and you don't require me to know what the penalty is if I do. I don't have room in my brain to store information that doesn't matter! Where am I supposed to put all the lyrics to TV theme songs?!

Speaking of irrelevant information, one question went something like this:

You're driving on a country road and you see someone riding a horse on the other side of the road, coming the opposite direction. The rider is holding up her hand to you. What does this mean?

A. The horse is alarmed and you must slow down until it is calm.
B. The horse is fine and you should proceed normally.
C. There is a herd of cows up ahead.
D. I don't remember what D was, but it was something obviously wrong.

I correctly surmised that the answer was A, you should slow down and let the horse relax, but what, is this question left over from the 1910 driver's test? Why am I driving on roads frequented by horses? More to the point, what is a horse doing on the freeway, which is the only place I ever drive? I think the question should be worded like this: "Do you ever drive on roads where there are liable to be horses?" And if you answer "no," it skips all the horse-related questions for you.

It seems like much of the material on the driver's test is outdated and has little to do with driving in a modern city. I propose new questions be written in this manner:

You're driving with your cell phone in your left hand and a beverage in your right hand, your knee on the steering wheel. It becomes necessary to shift gears. Do you:

A. Balance the drink on your other knee and shift with your right hand.
B. Keep the drink in your right hand and use your wrist/forearm to shift.
C. Reduce your speed so that shifting is unnecessary.
D. Move the drink to your left hand while moving the phone to your right hand, then cradle the phone between your right ear and shoulder, thus freeing your right hand to shift.

What is the proper thing to say when the person in front of you is driving too slow?

A. "Come on, grandma!"
B. "Let's go, idiot!"
C. "It's the one on the right, genius!"
D. "Speed limit's 45, retard!"

You are originally from State X, now living in State Y. Which of the following is true of State Y drivers?

A. They are the worst drivers in the country.
B. You thought State Z drivers were bad, but State Y drivers really take the cake.
C. Seriously, you've driven in lots of different states, and State Y natives are truly the worst.

Why do people become highway patrol officers?

A. Because they think there's truly no greater good they can do in the world than to give people tickets for going 76 in a 65.
B. Because they couldn't become real cops, the kind who actually fight crime and catch bad guys.
C. Because they have low self-esteem.
D. Because they are stupid jerks who have low self-esteem and couldn't become real cops and now they're just bitter and that's why they write speeding tickets all day long and they get off on the fact that everyone hates them, and also they're jerks.

Maybe the questions will have been updated the next time I take the test, in 2019.

Stumble It!

Notes:

The question about State X and State Y refers to this principle: Any driver who grew up in one state but now resides in a different one will believe the natives of his current state to be the worst drivers anywhere. Californians who now live in Utah think Utahns are the worst drivers; Texans who live in Ohio think Ohioans are the worst drivers; Georgians who live in New Jersey think New Jerseyans are the worst drivers. But the fact is, generally speaking, drivers are about the same everywhere: some good ones, and a lot of bad ones.

Now is the part where you post a comment saying, "But [state of choice] drivers really ARE the worst drivers!!" Just know that I'm not listening, because you're wrong.

When I was talking about horses in the column, I was going to include the following tangent, but ultimately decided it was too off-topic. Here it is, though:

Speaking of horses, here is a picture of Zara Phillips, 11th in line to the British throne, falling off her horse during an equestrian event on June 8:

Alt text

She and the animal were both uninjured, but I don't care, because that's an awesome photo anyway.

Really, I just wanted an excuse to post the picture.

But my cavalier attitude toward the horse struck a nerve with a reader named Amber, who discovered this column five months later and posted three very angry comments (#60-62) below. She also sent me the following scorching e-mail, from a return address of "beautyofhorses@[something].com":

Have YOU read my posts ERIC!!?!?!!?!?!??? If you have you can tell that I'm pretty pisted off!!!!!!!! All my friends are too and they all [swear word] HATE YOU now!!!! How rude is it to post a picture of an inosint horse and rider getting injured and then say I DON"T CARE!!!!??!?! [So she read the part of the sentence that said I didn't care, but missed the part of the same sentence where I said they weren't injured. That is some seriously selective reading.] YOU [swear word]!!! It's people like YOU who kill animals and the environment!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe I should post a picture of YOU, yes YOU ERIC doing something painful and say "well I just wanted to post this picture because it is a good picture,but I don't care that Eric's hurt. I DON"T CARE!!!" [Fine with me! I'll send you some.] That's what YOU did with the horse and rider!! Horses are amazing, beautiful animals and deserved to be treated with respect unlike YOU i may add!!!!!! SHOW A LITTLE RESPECT FOR OTHER THINGS IN YOUR PATHETIC LIFE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and to think I used to like this site!!!!! HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I [swear word] hate it now!!!!!!!!!! I bet A LOT of other people do now too!!Oh ya and the driving learn how to drive YOURSELF [swear word]!!!!!!!!!!So please e-mail me back SOME kind of response.You should read my posts too. THEY might scare away some potential ericsnider site lovers!!!! BYE

P.S.I'm right to be doing so too!!!! Even though I didn't put this letter in THE ANGRY LETTERS SECTION I want this to go STRAIGHT to YOU!!!!!! [I do wish more readers shared her foresight and labeled their correspondence as "angry" when appropriate. It would save my staff so much sorting time.]


Per her request, I replied to her e-mail. This is what I said:
Yes, yes, I saw your comments. I had to edit out the swear words before I could post them.

First, let me point out a couple of obvious things. The horse was not hurt. (Neither was the rider, but you don't seem to care about non-horse beings.) Also, I did not take the photo myself. I believe I got it from Yahoo News. It was taken by a news photographer at the event, and then widely posted by various news outlets. Have you written hilarious angry letters to all of those outlets, too, for printing the photo?

Now then. Let me tell you a little about yourself. You are a teenage girl, and you are obsessed with horses. That's fine! A lot of teenage girls are obsessed with horses. You grow out of it eventually. (Don't say, "I'll never grow out of it!," because that's something that teenage girls say. Eventually you grow out of that, too.)

You've chosen horses as your one thing to care about more than anything in the world. You're the Horse Girl. It's becoming your defining characteristic. People will say, "Do you know Amber?," and someone will say, "Hmm, Amber... Amber...." and the first one will say, "You know -- the Horse Girl." And the second person will say, "Oh! Sure, Amber!"

Horses are your "thing." As a result of this, you blow horse-related things way out of proportion. Becoming enraged by the sight of a news photo of a horse falling down, for example. Posting multiple angry messages on a website. Writing to the person responsible because you're CONVINCED that he will see it your way and apologize. These are all symptoms of horses being your "thing" to the exclusion of all rationality and common sense.

Other teenage girls have other "things." One of them is the movie "Titanic." Some girls became very obsessed with it, to the point that when I made fun of it ( http://www.ericdsnider.com/snide/clash-of-the-titanic ), they flew into a rage that was very similar to yours. They even said similar things about how they used to love my writing but now they hate it. You might read those angry letters and laugh and think, "Wow, those girls sure are getting worked up over nothing!"

The thing is, that's what people will think when they read your angry letter, too.

You're far too young to be this angry. Relax. Calm down. You have your whole life ahead of you. It's already going to be hard, since most girls named Amber wind up working as strippers. So chill out, don't sweat the small stuff, and enjoy life. Someday you'll look back on all this and laugh.

Eric


Far too late, I realized something: The picture was of a woman falling off a horse. Nothing even happened to the horse. It didn't fall or anything. Amber's outrage was even less reasonable than I thought.

She sent a reply that cleared up some confusion. Is she really a teenager? No! Did she misread "uninjured" as "injured"? No! Have her reading comprehension skills improved? No! (I've broken her e-mail into paragraphs to make it easier to read.)

Ok Eric, maybe I did get a little worked up but you don't even know who I am. For one thing i am NOT a teenager, I am a 25 year old mother/riding instructor/horse trainer. Both me and my friends (Simone, Ashley, and Beca) have loved horses ever since we were babies and we have been friends ever since we were babies. I have NEVER GROWN OUT OF LOVING HORSES and nethier have my friends.

You have gotten one thing right though that I AM OBSESSED WITH HORSES. I care A LOT about horses and my family but I also care about the environment and my friends. I am PROUD to be that 'horse Girl' and that's what everyone knows me by. In school my nickname was horsey chic, and even the teachers called me the horse rider. I loved it. I met my husband at a horse show. Horses are a BIG part of my llife and I am happy to say that!

You have no right to be saying stuff about my that isn't even true! You also have NO right to be calling me a stripper!!! What is that all about?!?!?!?!!? [Of course, what I actually said was that most people named Amber grow up to be strippers. If this particular Amber has thus far avoided the pole, then good for her!]

I just want more people to be more careful about the environment and its animals. These days no one seems to care because they're like 'Oh I don't care'. I'm trying to stop that behavior. I am sorry I yelled at you like that but please next time don't even post things like that on your site. Even if the horse and rider weren't hurt (which I knew) you still SHOULD NOT be posting things like that and saying 'I don't care'. Maybe we could be friends if you don't post another picture like that?


Now I'm torn. I really, really want to be friends with Amber, but I also really, really want to post this picture of Mongo punching a horse in "Blazing Saddles." What can I do?
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This item has 90 comments

  1. oleth says:

    Very funny, especially the part about drivers in states X and Y, etc. It's so true that people think that about whatever new place they move to.

  2. Joshua Steimle says:

    Actually Eric, drivers from our mutual home state of California, Los Angeles specifically, are indeed the worst drivers, but it's virtually impossible to tell since nobody in that region has been able to drive over the speed of 3.5 miles per hour for the past 24 years due to a minor accident on the Pasadena freeway in 1983 which has left traffic snarled ever since.

  3. Robert says:

    I guess that makes me a REAL cop (whoo hoo!) since I'm not a highway patrolman. But I still write tickets. I love having a job where I can cost bad drivers lots of $$$ by writing them tickets.

  4. Talm says:

    Oh if only I'd read this column 2 weeks ago! I thought the horse rider was asking for a high five!

  5. pizzocalabro says:

    I remember reading about a study some group did about dangerous/annoying driving habits in various urban centers, and the top worst (in terms of cutting people off, tailgating, etc.) were Dallas and Boston. I think. In any case, no place I had or have ever driven, so I just shrugged them off. Because which was more real to me, some iffy, limited survey, or the fact that every time I tried to cross a street in Provo I was taking my life in my hands?

  6. stupidramblings says:

    In the past few years, I have driven in about half of our states. In that time, I have learned that drivers suck in almost every locale for different reasons in each state. A main, overwhelming similarity among drivers everywhere, though, is they move to the left lane way too early and leave it way too late. Take the freeway through Provo, for example. (Except for the carpool lane), there are three lanes on most freeways through Provo (i.e. one). The majority of the slow drivers drive in the middle lane. The moderately fast drivers have to move left to pass them, and the left lane gets clogged. I, an amazingly fast driver, enjoy spending my time in the right lane where, if my experience is accurate, there are no cars.

    Move to the right, Wyoming drivers.

  7. Lowdogg says:

    I have to be honest. I don't like the photo. Reminds me of Christopher Reeve, and looks pretty painful.

    The column though? Excellent!

  8. Jesse Harris says:

    The easiest way to figure out where the worst drivers are is to find the area with the least number of natives, like Las Vegas. What makes Vegas so bad is 1) about 1/4 of the people on the road at any given time are intoxicated or otherwise impaired and 2) you're mixing driving styles from dozens of different states on the same roads. In essence, you've got thousands of drunkards from farms, East Coast cities and California all thinking they know the rules of the road at the same time.

    It's no wonder Las Vegas is one of the few insurance markets where rates have been rising much faster than average. When I moved to Salt Lake two years ago, my rate dropped by over half even though I was adding another car and driver after getting married. My rates have stayed flat since then while my mom's (she still lives in Vegas) have been increasing at double-digit rates.

  9. Luwig Von Exmo says:

    Okay, I moved from UT to CA, and I think CA drivers are legitimately better than UT drivers. Then I moved to Dallas, TX... Seriously, THE WORST DRIVERS.... at least that is my opinion.

  10. Kati says:

    eff that, I'm taking a cab. My favorite comment ever.

  11. Jennifer says:

    I currently live in Las Vegas and my car insurance rate has been dropping every year. Maybe your mom should get different insurance.

    Also, why are you picking on Las Vegas? Didn't you hear Eric say (or write) "Now is the part where you post a comment saying, 'But [state of choice] drivers really ARE the worst drivers!!' Just know that I'm not listening, because you're wrong."

  12. treen says:

    AMEN to #2. HA!

    #8 - you want non- "native" drivers? Then please allow me to introduce you to a fun Washington DC feature called the DIPLOMAT license plate. These drivers aren't just from another state (and I have seen all but 11 state plates within the District). They're from another country. It's my understanding that due to diplomatic status, they are exempt any traffic citations. Hooray! They can wreck things (including on a DUI) and not even get a ticket, let alone a license suspension! Give a wide berth when you see those plates, because they do not know what they're doing. There's a couple at my church who recently came from Australia on a 3-year assignment at the embassy - within days, they had already totaled their car.

  13. Nick says:

    People driving slow in the fast lane are my greatest peeve in life. "Come on, Grandma!" is the correct response.

  14. kevith says:

    I like the way the X-Y-Z rule governs states but Utah County is one of the worst locales. Since it's not a state, I don't think the rule needs to apply. You have all of these drivers from all over the country and a high percentage are either under 20 years old, over 70 years old, or have a car full of kids. During the 4 years I lived there, my car was hit six times... and 4 of them were while the car was parked in a parking lot. The other times, a teenager ran a red light and a 75 year old guy decided to change lanes without looking or signalling because he needed to turn.

    And here's a link to an article about the survey from 2005 showing that northwestern states' drivers are the most knowledgable about the rules of the road (Oregon is #1): http://money.cnn.com/2005/05/26/Autos/drivers_study/index.htm

  15. Bickmo says:

    I'm still trying to conclude which drivers imperil roads the most: inept rural drivers motoring about in a 15-mph-under-the-limit, hazard-creating fog, or urban drivers who knowingly terrorize others by their dangerous and rude stunts.

    Which do you choose? For now, I'm picking urban drivers. But those country drivers -- sheesh!

  16. Liss says:

    #2's comment about L.A. is correct; too many grumpy chinese people=worst driving. I'm not being racist (i'm chinese) and i've been in the car with my uncle. I had no seatbelt. Scariest experience of my life.

  17. Slash says:

    'Chicken Strips' is the funniest thing Eric has ever written. Fortunately I am at work, and had to stifle the hysterical laughter that would have sprayed coffee all over my laptop.

    Also, New Mexico has the worst drivers. Mostly because all of them are drunk. Seriously, we have the highest drunk driving rate in the country.

  18. Dave says:

    I NEED to know the answer to this question. What I'm doing right now simply doesn't work:

    You're driving with your cell phone in your left hand and a beverage in your right hand, your knee on the steering wheel. It becomes necessary to shift gears. Do you:

    A. Balance the drink on your other knee and shift with your right hand.
    B. Keep the drink in your right hand and use your wrist/forearm to shift.
    C. Reduce your speed so that shifting is unnecessary.
    D. Move the drink to your left hand while moving the phone to your right hand, then cradle the phone between your right ear and shoulder, thus freeing your right hand to shift.

  19. Cori says:

    Um, I'd be drunk too if I lived in New Mexico. It topped Kansas on my list of worst states to drive through. It was like driving through a never-ending trailer park. A scary trailer park.

  20. The Real Brandon says:

    Just to repeat what was said above:

    HAHA! Driving Scores

    Oregon wins.

  21. lolly says:

    This is hilarious. Thank you! Everyone around here (Provo) is always talking about horrible Utah drivers. I used to do the same, when I moved here, oh, 8 years ago. But I think you are pretty right on. Drivers suck everywhere. Including me. I'm a terrible driver. I make my husband cringe. (In the rare event that I'm actually the one driving when he's in the car.)

  22. Turkey says:

    That survey only confirms what I've known all along. When I moved to Virginia, I was actually impressed with the driving--I thought it would be worse. I also noted that every time I did happen across a rude or idiotic driver, the license plate read "Maryland." Since moving to said Maryland, my impressions have only been further solidified. However, owning a Maryland plate now myself, I feel I have all sorts of freedom to do any stupid thing on earth. Who am I trying to impress? I'm from MARYLAND for pete's sake!

    And I didn't know the horse rider was a woman until I read the statement associated with it. I still don't believe it.

  23. Homerific says:

    A guy from Chicago who lived in Utah for several years actually told me last weekend that Utah had the BEST driver's he had ever seen -- how's that for strange?

  24. Janssen says:

    I have noticed lately that I am becoming a totally impatient driver. I'm constantly barking at other drivers. I can't tell if it's because I live in a neighborhood with gobs of old people or because I'm becoming a cranky adult. Either way. . . do NOT drive ten mph UNDER the speed limit, or you will get rammed and then all your safety precautions won't be worth much. If you cannot manage to drive at 35 mph, you should not be driving.

  25. Randy Tayler says:

    Los Angeles has pretty good drivers, I think. I mean, even when drunk, how many of them have accidents? Mel Gibson, Paris Hilton, Michelle Rodriguez -- all getting pulled over for drunk driving, but no actual ACCIDENTS. Go California!

    P.S. Drunk drivers should lose a finger.

  26. Braden says:

    I've driven in Ohio, Pennsylvania, New York, Virginia, West Virginia Utah, Oregon, and currently Washington. Utah takes the cake hands down.

    It doesn't matter where you are driving, most people are bad drivers. In Utah, though, it's everybody.

  27. Kaydria says:

    Any time someone is driving really horribly, I feel a secret satisfaction if they have a California or New York license plate.

  28. Sam says:

    Okay, okay, I don't know about where the worst drivers are, but I can confirm with 100% accuracy that Provo has the worst PEDESTRIANS ever!

    Nowhere else in the country do pedestrians walk out in front of moving traffic without looking or giving it a second thought. "Hey, pedestrians have the right of way! That means I can cross i-15 without looking during heavy traffic and I should be okay - I mean, pedestrians have the right of way!"

    I also love seeing one car stop on a 4 lane road to wave a pedestrian across the street. As if his stopping has a magic way of communicating to every other car on the road that they should stop. The stupid pedestrian will walk out, not paying attention of course, into other lanes of traffic. I've seen more than one messy accident happen this way.

    Provo. Worst. Pedestrians. Ever.

  29. Bickmo says:

    #28 Sam -- Rexburg is making its own strong push for the worst pedestrians ever. They too jump out in front of vehicles with nary a look to the left or right. I nearly hit several of them during my visits up there. Hooray for BYU-Idaho! (Motto: We give BYU Provo stereotypes new life.)

  30. robcan2 says:

    #28 - Sam, in Utah you can get a ticket if you drive through a crosswalk when another car is stopped, even if there is no pedestrian. Very few drivers know this, however, until they get ticketed for it.

  31. Greg says:

    Las Vegas insurance is crazy because they have a huge problem with car theft in Vegas. Even crappy, worthless cars get stolen. It's bizarre.

    As for bad drivers, Arkansas and Utah have been the worst of anywhere I've driven.

  32. Chuckwagon Breakfast says:

    When are people going to learn that scooters are the answer to almost any problem associated with cars? It's hard to be angry when driving is fun. It's hard to get a ticket when your vehicle tops out at 40 mph. And it's hard to be reckless when getting in a minor accident can be very dangerous. In summary, scooters are the 42 (hitchhiker's guide to the galaxy) of all things driving

  33. Ben Sauer says:

    So, we just moved up to WA and had to go through the same. Only I didn't have to take the test. Just had to pay for it. If you think it costs Oregon $0 to administer the test, think how much WA saves.

  34. Lane says:

    Slow drivers should get a finger.

  35. Jim says:

    When I went to the DMV in Utah to get my Utah license, they took my California license at the desk and handed me the test. They also informed me that, if I failed the test, I wouldn't be getting my California license back.

    Luckily, for "transfers" from other states, the Utah driver's license test is only half as long. And it's open-book.

  36. Deb says:

    Great article! Having had a drivers license in OR, CA, UT, and VA, and driving experience in most of the 50 states, I think I can shed some light on the bad driver thing. 1) They are EVERYWHERE, but where there are more vehicles per mile, the percentage of bad/stupid idiots on the road goes up. Period. 2) Crazy road design makes things worse. For example, freeway exit/entrances in VA, MD, etc are often tight clover leaf loops with speed 20mph--and no merge, heavy traffic (Ugly) -- are designed for maybe top highway speeds of 45 mph instead of 65 (posted) to 80 plus mph (what semis and crazy people weaving in and out are doing). 4) Strange local habits just add to the mix (in VA, stop on yield and yield on stop, and when merging into freeway traffic, always go 20 mph, then come to a complete sudden stop and look for entering possibilities). 5) Provo pedestrians ARE the worst. They somehow have lost all sense of self-preservation and common sense. They step off the curb anywhere on the street in front of traffic, and never, ever look. If there is more than one, the possibility of herd mentality rules. It is as if they don't look (0r see) the cars, they don't exist. Here is a scary thing: My daughter, many years ago, after the traffic safety unit in grade school (in Provo), thought if she was in the crosswalk, the painted lines were "magic walls" that would always protect her no matter what. It didn't matter what I had taught her previously. Obviously, we worked to correct that!

    I am surprised that with the horse question in OR they also didn't ask if it is illegal to ride a horse while drunk (yes, it is--ditto for bicycles) and the attached penalty! That is what I got when I took my OR driver exam. However, I really, really want Eric's very excellent and to the point updated cell phone question in the driver tests. It was the best!!! Then a section on applying makeup, shaving, eating chili burgers, changing clothes, etc while or while not driving with a car load of quarreling children should be added...All of which I have seen! Will it make better drivers? Probably not--just lets us laugh a bit while taking the tests.

  37. LawrenceFriday says:

    #18 - E. None of the above. Your car is an automatic.

    We also would have accepted F. Put the drink in the cup holder.

  38. Shumway says:

    Wow, one mans incredible adventure at the DMV. . .*yawn* Whats next, crazy capers at the grocery store checkout line?

  39. Slash says:

    Well, Shumway, comedy is where you find it.

    As in: not in your post.

  40. momma snider says:

    #10 Kati: That WOULD be your favorite. #18 Slash: Did you move to New Mexico, or are you a different Slash? And #34 Lane, that's what I was going to say.

  41. Andrew S. says:

    Eric - thanks for making me laugh. I loved your columns when I was at the Y and I still enjoy reading you today. You are one of the few writers who can consistently make me laugh out loud. Keep it up. (And no, this is not Eric's mom trying to inflate his ego. Just a normal, slightly nerdy LDS fan.)

  42. Audrey says:

    The first time I took the test for my learner's permit, I failed by one question. I'm still bitter about it, obviously. The question asked something like, "When are you required by law to have your headlights on?" The answers were:

    A) Always
    B) Never
    C) Sunset to sunrise
    D) Dawn to dusk

    I knew A and B were wrong, and I wanted to say C, but I thought by the time the sun actually sets, it's pretty dark, so it would make more sense to have your lights on as it starts getting dark. So I picked D, not realizing that they had switched the times of day on purpose to trick people like me who think too much about this sort of thing. So, yeah, the Pennsylvania DMV is all about the trick questions. Luckily, I passed the test on the second try.

    Also, I am really eager to see Wild Hogs ousted from the high comments list.

  43. Joe says:

    These comments prove what is the REAL problem behind driving issues. Namely, that everyone thinks they're excellent drivers while everyone else is an idiot. Seriously, who are these people who have real experience driving in 20 or more states? Driving through a state on a road trip doesn't qualify--you have to live somewhere for a while to really know about the drivers. Either that, or Eric's site is read by a bunch of truckers (and if that's the case, I'm honored to be part of that group). Every city has drivers that are wack, but in the aggregate some places are better than others. My vote for craziest drivers? Beijing. Seriously, it's like nothing I've ever seen before. It will make you start wearing adult diapers.

  44. Bickmo says:

    A guy going 20 mph under the limit nearly killed me yesterday on a dark country road. Weird, huh? Came around a corner and there he was. Nearly rammed the dude; only a quick jam on the brakes saved me.

  45. Fred Moston says:

    How charming your story about the Oregon DL! My wife and I recently moved to central Oregon from Atlanta. We've been reading your column for years. This past Monday we both took the same DL test. I actually encountered the horse question as did my wife. I wisely skipped it to the back hoping to finish before encountering it again, my wife did not and FAILED! So when she passed the following day it cost us 15 dollars not 10. I confess to "rubbing it in" a bit for that 24 hour period. You do those type of things when you've been married awhile.

    Not only the 15 dollars for the test but 108 for two licenses and 240 to register our cars...so Oregon certainly saw us coming. I suppose it balances out the 0% sales tax???

    Keep up the good work and funny reviews. If you find yourself in Redmond, shoot me an email and I'll buy you beer. Best of luck with your writing!

  46. kevith says:

    Joe (#43), what you say is largely true. Everyone thinks that they're a good driver, but if that's true, where do all these bad ones come from? My dad teaches "driving school" (where you go when you get a ticket to reduce your fine or are ordered by the court) and it's interesting to sit in on a class. Everyone in attendance thinks that they're an excellent driver, but when they are asked to explain how they ended up in the class it's because they've been caught driving while intoxicated, speeding, running stop signs or red lights, etc. Oh but they assure you that they're excellent drivers.

    So how does one really know that they're a good driver? Maybe if you've never received a ticket or caused an accident would be a good place to start. Or maybe if someone other than yourself has ever spontaneously told you that you were a good driver (if you have to ask them about your driving, of course they'll say you're good... even if you're not). I have a feeling that would eliminate about 95% of the people who [i]think[/i] they're good drivers.

  47. robcan2 says:

    I admit to being a bad driver. That doesn't stop me from making fun of other bad drivers, but I have received many the finger.

  48. robcan2 says:

    Oh, and I have never been in an accident that was my fault. I have recieved a number of speeding tickets, though, and one for running a red light (which totally was still yellow when I entered the intersection). I've been to traffic school three times, and I once had to pay a $500 fine for going 124 mph on the freeway. So yeah, I'm a bad driver. Getting better, though.

  49. Marc says:

    Amen to #22. I've lived all over, but Maryland contains by far the worst drivers in the US. I don't know why they even install turn blinkers in this state, that money could be dedicated to louder horns so that you really jump when you don't start going a millisecond after the light turns green.

  50. HomestarJr says:

    I grew up in California, my wife grew up in Utah, we moved to California after we got married, and she thinks Utah drivers are worse than California drivers. I concur, especially around winter time. Maybe you should revise your statement to "Everyone who grew up in one state and moved to a different state thinks that the different state's drivers suck, unless you're from Utah, in which case you will always be the worst driver in any state you move to."

    Oregon drivers are rude. The lone car on the 26 will not get out of the right lane so that you can get off the on ramp and onto the highway. And yeah, when I took my Oregon drivers license test, the girl at the counter told me that she had failed the first time too. Maybe it's procedural to tell incoming test takers that so that they will take the test more seriously, or maybe the Oregon DMV won't hire you unless you're dumb enough to fail the test.

  51. Amp says:

    You know who has the best pedestrians? Seattle. Even if there are no cars in sight, people won't cross the street unless the pedestrian light says "walk", and they always cross in the crosswalk. We were there the same summer Sue Bird started with the Storm, and I read an article discussing how she, being from the East, didn't quite fit in, and the example the writer used was about how she'd just walk into the street to cross, rather than waiting for the light. The first couple times we crossed the street (we came from Boston) it was like the twilight zone. Why was no one else crossing? we wondered. It took us a little while to realize pedestrians in Seattle actually pay attention to traffic signals. No one does that in Boston.

  52. card says:

    #43 Joe: I concur. Beijing has the scariest drivers.

    My coworker thinks he's the best driver. Most recently when he went to traffic school, he came back saying that the cop who taught the class was an idiot and didn't know what he was talking about. Okaaaaaaay...

  53. Markk says:

    Has anyone noticed an inverse correlation between the quality of the roads and the quality of the drivers? Seriously, the worse the roads the better the drivers. People drive better because they have to in order not to die.

  54. turtled28 says:

    #2-- LOL very very funny.

    #3-- though I support cops in their roles to serve and protect, I reeeeeeally don't want to know that cops out there relish giving tickets to people so it causes them hardship. I can't afford to renew my license plates, insurance, and registration because a cop gave a ticket because the weather was bad. I was not doing anything wrong, but 'as a precaution', because bad weather leads to bad driving.

    (But ironically enough, in Arapahoe county Colorado, the State patrol or Sheriffs are a THOUSAND times better than the city cops)-no exaggeration.

    #5-- Boston, by FAR the Worst. Drivers. EVER.

    #6-- EVERYONE needs to remember to Move to the RIGHT when not passing. At least on a highway. I don't care if it's city or rural, if the speed limit is 55 or 75, people plant themselves in a lane and stay there; they think it's their private lane.

    And as Many of you have expressed, it is (one of) my biggest pet peeves- slow people in the really-fast-lane.

    #12 and 16, next to Boston drivers are ANY foreign driver. Believe me, I am not racist, I am simply making an observation. All people who drive are convinced they are better than everyone else out there, but people from a different country hold a special place. I, too, have had a little asian lady driving in a parking lot hit my parked car after dropping of her whelps, waving spastically and not looking in the direction her car was pointed. She smacked into the rear of my truck as we were trying to load equipment. If my dad hadn't jumped awfully quickly out of the way, he would have no legs. (Indian and African drivers fill out the top 3... *shudder* the horror)

    I would also love to know the acceptable answer for multi-tasking while driving. I have never been in an accident, but have had to be able to juggle. My personal favorite is when I was baby-sitting for a friend. I had to make a left turn while shifting, talking on the phone with the mom to assure her we were ok, while reaching back to feed said baby. There are people who can't listen to the radio while driving without getting into an accident.

    I honestly believe people should be required to take the tests more often. I know many people who after their test at 16, 18, or 21, don't take another test for.... YEARS. Things have changed! Back in the day, my parents tell me you had to know how to parallel park and back up sucessfully, on top of standard driving, stopping and turns. Not so now! All of the younger people I know attest to the fact that the didn't have to parallel park, and to this day don't know how. We are all doomed!

    And Finally, I think those who drive drunk should have to watch their license be cut up in little pieces like they used to do to credit cards-in front of crowds, no less- then watch their car be compacted into a laptop-size steel log, and then be b*tch-slapped by everyone who happens to feel like it at the time. Then toss the confetti- license up in the air, and say, see you in two years! Have fun on the bus, loser.

    That's just my $.02

  55. Deep says:

    Okay - being from rural Pennsylvania, here's my four cents (i.e., two comments) --

    1) It's 'New Jerseyites.' I know, because one of them shot my uncle's cow because it was moving through shrubbery during deer season.

    2) The 'horse question' is still applicable in Amish country. We often find ourselves slowing down, swerving, or E-braking-into-a-ditch for random slothful buggies.

  56. David Manning says:

    Ah, just like the classic "Chili's Gift Certificate Gag," here comes the return of the "Random Mentioning of Chicken Strips."

    In some other waay earlier column:

    "'What's the capital of the United States?'"

    "'Uh, chicken strips?'"

  57. julie says:

    OTHER people say "it's the one on the right genius?" I mean, obviously I didn't make it up, but to find out it is as common as mud (or indeeed drought where 'm from) is rather depressing. I'm even LESS original than I thought, which I wasn't sure was possible.

    Actually, I ride a horse and I'm 5km from the middle of Sydney. Kid you not, right there. So now you know what to do if you are ever in sydney (seemingly unlikely) and see me. Actually, you could just hoon on past like the rest of the idiots do, luckily my guy doesn't care. Or I could end up on my head like Zara (both her and more importantly horsey were fine).

  58. Susan says:

    In the 70s I would have said Utah drivers were first on the bad list. I moved there from California where pedestrians were constantly embarrassed because if it looked like you were even contemplating crossing the street, cars stopped and waved you across. Contrast with Utah where if a car stopped to let you cross, say, 9th East in Provo, it didn't guarantee the other direction would stop so there you would be standing in the middle of the street being nearly sideswiped while hoping for a chance to dash across between speeding vehicles. Utah is also the only state where I've come close to being plastered while riding my bicycle--drivers there don't seem to realize that bicycles follow the same road rules as cars, so if a car has a stop sign and a bicycle does not, just because you are bigger doesn't mean you can make eye contact with the cyclist, then proceed through the intersection and give the right-of-way cyclist a heart attack.

    Having since lived in/driven in many states, drivers all seem about the same level of bad now. My pet peeve is that drivers forget they have signals, so they're turning and changing lanes without notice, endangering the rest of us and wasting our time--for instance, we could have turned right out of a street if we'd known you (non-signaler) were going to turn in to said street; instead, we waited for you to pass by, thinking you were going straight down the road. Note to non-signalers: I am not a mind-reader, and how hard can it be to switch on that little lever on your steering column?

  59. Sez says:

    Okay, this is for people taking a rap at drivers from other countries. I moved here from England some 10 years ago, and while we have our own breed of crazy drivers, at least they ALL seem to know how to use lanes. Multiple lane roads, as a few on this site have managed to explain, were created to reduce traffic, by making it possible for slower drivers to maintaina more sensible speed on one side of the freeway, and those who are in a bit of a hurry to pass them on the correct side (which would be on the left in this country). I really don't think the majority of Americans understand this at all. Durring my first confusing experience driving with a relative in state Y, I looked at the mess of traffice ahead of us and asked "which lane is the fast lane over here?" She replied "fast lane?" I said "Yeah, you know, the side that you pass the slower cars on?" Her only reply to this was a quizzical look that I hoped had more to do with my accent than my question. Another time I was driving my boyfriends car down a two lne highway and he took the pains to explain that when you reach a rural, two lane freeway in state y you have to keep to the right so trucks and faster cars can pass you on the left, it's just polite. I turned to him and asked "isn't that true for all roads with multiple lanes?" He didn't seem to think so. sigh. We all have our pet peeves, but I do hope that correct lane usage will someday be taught here...

  60. Amber says:

    You are a [swear word]!!!!! That is so rude to both the rider and the horse to post a picture like that and I DON"T CARE!!! It's people like YOU who kill animals and the envirnment because YOU DON"T CARE!!! That is so rude you little #$@#$%#$^(*%^$%^$%$@!~#@!##$$## @$$ @$$!!!!!! Show SOME sympathy in your pathetic life!!! Horses are beautiful, graceful anamals and they deserved to be treated with respect!!! Unlike YOU I may add!!!!!! Who cares about the drivers, YOU learn how to drive YOURSELF [swear word]!!!!! [swear word] YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  61. Amber says:

    Oh yeah, and to think I used to like this site!!! HA!!!! After you said YOU DIDN"T CARE!!!???!?!?! HA!!!!! [swear word]!!!!!!!!!!!!! I should post a picture of YOU doing something that looks painful and say I DON"T CARE!!! I JUST WANTED TO POST THIS PICTURE!!!!!!!!!!! How rude you [swear word]!!!! @$$!!!

  62. Amber says:

    Have you read my posts Eric!?!?!?!?!? If so you can tell I'm pisted!!!! So just in case you didn't read my posts I'm going to e-mail you what I think Of your STUPID [swear word] SITE!!!!!! That picture you posted of the horse and rider!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!!! How [swear word] rude can you get?!?!!?!?!?!?!?! It's people like YOU who kill animals and the envirnment because YOU say that YOU DON'T CARE!!!!!!! YOU just post the picture because YOU think it's a good one and say "well both the horse and rider got injured but I DON"T CARE!!! I just wanted a reason to post this picture!!! HA HA!!" WHAT THE [swear word] ERIC!!?!?!?!? and to think I used to like this site!!!!!! Horses are amazing animals and deserved to be treated with respect!!! UNLIKE YOU I may add!!!! I should post a picture of YOU doing something that is painful and post it on my site saying "I just wanted to post this picture!!! I don't care if ERIC is hurt!!! I DON"T CARE!!!!" Thats how YOU were with this horse and rider!!!! ALL my other friends [swear word] HATE YOU now because of what you said about that photo!!! I bet A LOT of other people are pisted too!!!!! and the DRIVING???? Learn how to drive YOURSELF [swear word]!!!!! So if you could please e-mail me back with SOME response that would be nice. Oh ya you should REALLY read my posts. THEY might scare off any potencial ecricsnider site lovers! BYE!!!!

  63. Dan says:

    I used to love the ecricsnider site. Now? I'll admit that I'm a bit scared off.

  64. whome says:

    In Taiwan, they have multiple lane roads, but nobody actually follows the lane markings. A road with three marked lanes could easily accomodate five cars across, so drivers just fit in wherever they can.

    And it's impolite to cut somebody off, but if you didn't see them, it was just an innocent accident, so drivers will make sure they never make eye contact with anyone so that they can claim it to be a simple oversight when they cut you off.

  65. Turkey says:

    "And it's impolite to cut somebody off, but if you didn't see them, it was just an innocent accident, so drivers will make sure they never make eye contact with anyone so that they can claim it to be a simple oversight when they cut you off."

    Don't they do that everywhere? They sure do it here.

    As for Horse Girl, I doubt she has all that many friends who care as much about horses (or the photo) as she does. I'm sure they're just being supportive at the most; I'm sure they're largely apathtic otherwise. Kinda like the rest of us.

  66. Clumpy says:

    Drat. All this time I thought that I was the only #$@#$%#$^(*%^$%^$%$@!~#@!##$$## @$$ @$$ in the world. I guess I was wrong. Eric, you #$@#$%#$^(*%^$%^$%$@!~#@!##$$## @$$ @$$.

  67. Clumpy says:

    I like the double "@$$" at the end. @$$ @$$. She really thought that one out.

  68. Amber says:

    Whatever Clumpy. What kind of name is CLUMPY anyway. Oh wait I know a dumb one. As you can tell I'm a red head so don't mess with me. I have a REALLY hot temper. And I am NOT a teenager I'm a 25 year old married woman.I work at Gateways Equestrain Center somewhere in the US. Eric was WRONG. As you notice he didn't post my second e-mail when I told all about me and how he was wrong! And Turkey, another stupid name, I do to have the friends I say. I don't lie or say false things about other people (like someone else, Eric). And Dan, finally a real name, I'm sorry you got scared, I didn't really want anyone to get scared. Unless your being sacrastic of course. Anyway any other STUPID comments for me? Bring them on!

  69. Eric D. Snider says:

    Thanks for pointing out my oversight in not posting your second e-mail here. (I had already posted it in my blog.) It's here now.

    "Gateways" Equestrian Center doesn't seem to exist, but Google reveals a Gateway (no "s") Equestrian Center in Simi Valley, Calif. Is that the one you work at? You should let your employers know that they've been inadvertently leaving off the "s" in all their advertising and paperwork!

  70. Dave the Slave says:

    "These days no one seems to care because they’re like “Oh I don’t care”.

    Classic.

  71. kuri says:

    "That is so rude to both the rider and the horse to post a picture like that"

    I can't stand people who are rude to horses on the internet. Don't you ever think about the horse's feelings? What if he's surfing the web and comes across your site and sees a picture of himself almost falling down? Think how embarrassed he'd be.

  72. Turkey says:

    How is it obvious from your postings that you have red hair? Not all people with a temper automatically have red hair (faulty logic). And given that I've known several horsey chicks growing up, one of which was a good friend in grade school, I stand by my original statement that few if any of your friends care as amuch as you do about this; you only think they do.

  73. Amber says:

    Ok Turkey, if my friends didn't care then why do they all own their own stables and help me train horses if too many come in?! Shows what friends you have. Anyway, all the redheads that I've met in my lifetime were, lets just say female dogs. I guess you know more than I do about life, sorry. Kuri, if your not being sarcastic I do not think that the horse would be surfing the web. If you are being sarcastic then that is so rude! If you can't see the point that I'm trying to get across to people then your just plain stupid.

  74. Natalie says:

    Oh my goodness!!! I literally have tears streaming down my face!!! I think this is quite possibly the most hilarious discussion board I've ever read in my entire life!

    Amber, no way I believe you're 25 years old. Haha. How does someone even respond to a post like that last one? I'll have to let my red-head friends know they are female dogs. Seriously Eric, is this a fake? Did you plant these posts here posing as a woman named Amber to entertain us all? It's hard to believe!!!

    And Kuri. Dang. All those poor embarrassed horses. We need to have some compassion for them, I agree.

    Oh dear. Wow. I don't think I've laughed this hysterically in a long time. I came across your blogs totally by random today, Eric, but I think I just may keep reading them. :)

  75. tony says:

    Wow. So, I'm browsing old angry letters and this little gem comes up.

    You know, I hope Amber never lets this one go. Really, it's just too much.

    She has the grammar of a six-year-old and the temper of... *hmmm* well, the temper of a six-year-old, too. Make that a red-headed six-year-old.

    Prepubescent rants are the best, especially when they come from people who claim to be adults!

    Rant away, Amber. We're all hoping you do.

  76. Chris says:

    I have to say that Amber's comments were amusing, in a slightly uncomfortable "advocates restriction of voting rights to people with some common sense" kind of way. However, it is slightly disturbing to, jokingly, wish hurt on rider or animal.

  77. Chris says:

    Read some more, can't be for real. But v. entertaining.

  78. Global Warming says:

    I would just like to mention that, if I were Clumpy, I would be terrified of messing with any redhead in an online conversation. Yikes!

  79. Kellan says:

    How much can Amber really like horses if she can't even spell 'equestrian'?

  80. kourtney says:

    Thank you for this informative article. I'm glad I finally started reading your little internet page. I mean, where have I been? Illiterate? Anyway, I like to learn which states have bad drivers, like California, Utah, and Chicken Strips. And Amber taught me that one way to figure out if someone doesn't care is if they say, "Oh I don't care."

    I also believe that everyone thinks that the other 49 states have worse drivers than those in their home state, just like parents never think their own babies are ugly. I, on the other hand, think that all drivers, including those in my lovely home state of Oregon, are generally terrible. I will offer this unbiased fact to show how serious I am: I drove the wrong way down a one-way street during my driving test and the fine people at the Beaverton DMV still gave me a license that very same day. Probably because I kept my cell phone AND beverage in their original hands and shifted into 3rd gear using telepathy.

  81. LdG says:

    I like horses too, but only as Jello. (Well, Elmer's is useful too.)

  82. elsalgal says:

    American drivers have their issues, its true, but having lived overseas for several years, I'd have to say that drivers in developing countries are without a doubt the worst. I've seen buses driving on the sidewalk in El Salvador, cars 5 across at railroad crossings in Romania (on both sides of the tracks--what a mess when the crossing arm finally goes up), and so much more. I spent my time on the roads alternating between sheer terror for my life, absolute astonishment at what people would do to get ahead of everyone else, and puzzlement at why there weren't bodies strewn all over the road.

  83. Immy English says:

    I hate you to Eric. Do you think your funny? Coz u aint. u act like a little 6yr old.

    Freak

  84. Robbie says:

    I am not prone to contributing to running online posts but this one has brought tears to my eyes. I wanted let ol' Amber know how much I appreciate her for making my stumble into this thread perhaps the most rewarding experience of my time on the web.

    Amber, 'your' the best.

  85. John Doe says:

    As for bad drivers, I say overseas places are a lot worse than anywhere in the US. When I was in Taiwan, a lot of people there respond to a red light by honking their horn and driving right on through. It was so common that everyone told me to never be the first person to enter the intersection when the light turns green.

  86. Steve says:

    @28, [unwarranted personal attack deleted]. Drivers should pay attention! If you're not willing to pay attention, then you have no business driving. When you approach a crosswalk with your car, watch for pedestrians. Be prepared to slow and stop. They DO have the right of way--too bad if you think it's inconvenient.

    I live in Provo and I stop for pedestrians in the crosswalk. One time as a man and his dog were preparing to cross, I slowed and stopped for them and SEVERAL SECONDS LATER a van plowed into the back of my car, seriously injuring me and two of my passengers. The driver of the van got out and had the nerve to ask me why I was stopped in the middle of the road.

    SHEESH!

    I'll bet he was talking on a cell phone too (if not texting).

  87. Sarah says:

    Hey.

    I used to be a driving instructor in the UK, gave up cos I didn't want a fat arse (ass), and always used to say to my charges 'You may be a good driver but everyone else isn't' They usually failed to get that what I meant was everyone is a bad driver at some time in their life. We all have done things we shouldn't have done, talked on a mobile (cell), ran a light, got carried away thinking about something else and realised your doing way under the speed limit. So, technically speaking, we're all as bad as each other, myself included.

    On the horse thing, I also haven't grown out of horses, but I found it hilarious that a 25 year old mother/rider/instructor should get so incensed about a photo of a fall. As a mother, surely you should be teaching your children patience and understanding and the power of friendship, not screaming that you hate someone, swearing and genarally making yourself look like an idiot, because they posted a picture of something that happens to all riders and then stating that BOTH HORSE AND RIDER WERE UNINJURED! The person who posted the picture rightly pointed out that you acted like a teenager who has discovered horses and thinks that without them your life will not be complete. I know, I did that, I cried when my brother went to france and tried horse meat. I'm older, wiser and understand that I don't have to splash my opinions over a website to get the point across. You would have come off a lot better if you'd said you understand that it's a funny picture and that both horse and rider were unharmed but that you thought it was a little tasteless.

    P.S. I love Blazing Saddles and think it's a genius movie!!! Everyone knows that the horse was probably really punched but it was before the days of real animal protection so we kinda have to get over it and move on!

  88. Googelplex says:

    I can't believe 'Amber' is 25 and a mother. I'm several years younger that that, and I DON'T [swear word] WRITE LIKE THIS [swear word]!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Personally, I wonder if 'Amber' is younger than a teenager, perhaps to the point of being a preteen. Then again, we must account for the fact that she's able to make up a nice convoluted story about how they called her various nicknames (that sound totally bogus) in school, and how she met her husband. Could it be she actually *is* 25, with a mental age of 11? What a lovely paradox. The world may never know how old Amber really is, but we will all remember how she was shot down by Eric the Great.

    LOL (excuse the chatspeak, but I really did Laugh Out Loud when I read this article)

  89. AmberForVP says:

    Absolutely classic blog.

    I found this page looking for pictures of Zara Phillips because I heard that Russell Brand fancies her.

    Instead I got huge amounts of enjoyment reading about young Amber and her slightly psychotic posts. I think its one of the most pure and crystallized examples of the Internet Teen Post so easily found on the likes of Youtube, it had it all:

    Bad grammar/spelling & ANNOYING CAPITALIZATION,
    Childlike views on right and wrong,
    Arguments driven by hormones rather than Knowledge
    Failure to build a persuasive argument or even indicate any form of logical reasoning going on
    Teen saying their an adult


    Its so pure I am starting to think it is a spoof by a 49 year old virgin nutter wearing a star trek uniform hunched over his PC, but if this person truly is a 25yr woman with children then we should all spare a moment, for they truly have had a most unfortunate start in life!

    Having said all this I think on the whole it is positive that teens are able to express their naive and hormonal views online but it does transfer parenting somewhat to the rest of us, now we have to be the ones to say 'Yes dear/Amber, cruelty to horses is a terrible terrible thing' [while thinking when the &*^% is this one gonna grow up]

    Keep up the good work Eric.

  90. DeliciousBoat says:

    I read through your Snide Remarks about once a year or so, and every time I forget about Amber the horse girl, and every time I come back and read the comments section and die laughing. "Whatever Clumpy" has me in tears every time.

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