That's So PETArded
Snide Remarks #591
"That's So PETArded"
by Eric D. Snider
Published on August 25, 2008
It's been a while since we last checked in with PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Appetizers), so let's see what the old stone-faced chicken-worshippers are up to, shall we? Put down that veal sandwich and leave your walrus-skin pants at the door!
First up: When you think of good, lighthearted fun, you naturally think of PETA. A jollier band of merrymakers you've never met! That's why it's very exciting to learn that the organization has expressed interest in buying SeaWorld, with the intention of setting the animals free and hosting virtual-reality exhibits instead! Wheee!
Perhaps this is surprising because you didn't realize SeaWorld was for sale. Well it might be! So start digging for change between your couch cushions, unless "couch cushions" is what you call your butt cheeks, in which case do not. Anheuser-Busch, the beer company, owns the SeaWorlds in San Diego, Orlando, and San Antonio, plus seven other theme parks that I have never been to but that I assume are devoted to the wonder and majesty of beer. (Bring the kids!) I don't know how Anheuser-Busch got the SeaWorlds. Won them in a poker game, probably.
Anyway, Anheuser-Busch is in the process of being purchased by a Belgian company called InBev, and once that's finished, everyone figures InBev is going to sell off its non-beer-related properties. And when I say "everyone," I mean "experts," such as those mentioned but not named in news articles like this one. It must be very exciting to be a financial analyst, always predicting what people who are not you are going to do with money that is not yours. Of course, I don't understand any of it. I don't even understand how a company can be "in the process" of being purchased. When I buy a Crunchwrap Supreme at Taco Bell, there's no "process." I give the teenager my money, and he gives me a hearty, octagonal treat. I understand that Anheuser-Busch is selling for a lot more than a dubiously ethnic fast-food item, but in my mind, the principle's the same. Here is $52 billion; may we have our beer company, please? Done and done, here's your receipt, be sure to feed the Clydesdales.
But that's not how it works, and I'm an idiot. I know all this. My point is, I like to call the Crunchwrap Supreme the "mexigon." They should change the name to that. My second point is, the Belgians are probably going to sell off the Anheuser-Busch parks, and PETA -- smelling an opportunity so pungent it overpowered the scent of armpits and patchouli that normally pervades PETA's offices -- has stepped forward as a potential buyer.
According to news reports, PETA claims to have an anonymous donor willing to fund the purchase of at least one of the SeaWorlds. (PETA itself doesn't have any money, of course. They refuse to touch U.S. currency ever since the treasury started making dollar bills out of manatees.) PETA's plan would be to move the SeaWorld animals to sanctuaries, out of the public eye, and hopefully someday release them back into the wild, where they can be eaten by other animals, as nature intended. And as for SeaWorld? PETA would turn it into a park of virtual-reality tours and pictures of animals, presumably sparing no expense to make the park as lame and unappealing as possible. This is right in line with PETA's global mission, which is to take the fun out of everything, make people think animals are more important than humans, and eventually fill all political offices with liberated lab monkeys.[1]
Would the Belgians actually sell SeaWorld to PETA? Probably not, but maybe! You never know with the Belgians! The prospect of it has put some SeaWorld employees on edge as they contemplate their job security. For example, read what Shamu wrote on his blog last week:
Whassup homies? It's your favorite killa whale comin' atcha from SeaWorld, and lemme tell ya, things is TENSE up in this joint right about now. Errybody who work here be like, "Damn, PETA be takin' over our jobs? Shoot." If PETA be buyin' up SeaWorld and firin' us, what they think we gon' do from there? File for unemployment? Ain't like no damn orca gonna get himself a job at Old Navy. I got skillz, but those skillz is limited to the followin': jumpin' up outta the water, eatin' fishes, and splashin' fools what be sittin' in the front rowz. PETA say they all concerned about animals. Well if they so concerned, how they gonna come take away a sea mammal's job from him? Ain't no way to show respect to nobody, puttin' him out in some damn sanctuary, floatin' around all day, bored as hell. Shoot. Sounds like PETA be watchin' too much "Free Willy." Them seals is probably all happy about it -- damn seals be kissin' up to whoever wave a fish at 'em -- but us killa whales ain't gonna stand for it! If I needs to, I be cashin' in my 401(k) and moving up to Alaska! Holla!
But while attempting to buy and ruin SeaWorld is provocative, it lacks the fundamental illogic and personal offensiveness of a typical PETA publicity stunt. That's why I was glad to see that the group tried to buy newspaper ads in Canada earlier this month that would have compared the recent decapitation of a Greyhound bus passenger to the standard practice of killing animals for food. That's the PETA we know and love: crazy, irrational, and eager to ensure that whatever good points they're making are lost in a sea of sanctimonious grandstanding.
Surely you heard the gruesome story of the 22-year-old man who was stabbed to death and decapitated by a fellow passenger on a Greyhound bus traveling through Manitoba on July 30. The murderer allegedly tried to eat some of his victim's flesh, too, which I think you'll agree is overkill. Murdering Canadians is one thing. We draw the line at eating them.
PETA, like any attention whore worth its salt, immediately sought to capitalize on this tragedy. The group posted the following ad on its website:
Manitoba ...An innocent young victim's throat is cut ...
His struggles and cries are ignored ...
The man with the knife shows no emotion ...
The victim is slaughtered and his head cut off ...
His flesh is eaten.
It's Still Going On!
Right now, this exact scenario is reality for many. They are sensitive, they value their lives, they see what is happening, they cannot run away, and they often suffer greatly yet are being killed for nothing more than a fleeting taste of their flesh.
Nonviolence can begin at breakfast, with what we eat. For our free "Vegetarian Starter Kit," visit GoVeg.com.
If this ad leaves a bad taste in your mouth, please give a thought to what sensitive animals think and feel when they come to the end of their frightening journey and see, hear, and smell the slaughterhouse. Try switching to a healthy vegetarian diet and save lives every day, including your own.
PETA tried to run this ad in a Manitoba newspaper, but the publisher refused to accept it. People were outraged by the ad, of course, and called for PETA to apologize. This is unlikely to happen, however, as no one involved with PETA has ever apologized for anything, except for one instance in 1994 when a PETA member accidentally stepped on a spider and spent the next six months making restitution to the spider community before finally taking his own life.
It's easy to agree with PETA's tactics if you agree with the group's central philosophy, which is that even the lowliest animal's life is just as valuable as a human's. (Plant life doesn't count for jack. You can eat all the plants you want.) Most people don't agree with that position, though. Most people believe that humans are more important than animals -- of course, they only believe that because they're humans. Maybe chickens think that chickens are the most important species. If so, they should figure out a way to convince us of that, because right now all they are is delicious.
[1]This might actually be an improvement over the Bush administration, as at least the lab monkeys would be familiar with science.
This item has 65 comments
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Lohengrin says:
August 25, 2008 at 11:51 am"it lacks the fundamental illogic and personal offensiveness of a typical PETA publicity stunt."
I don't know of any group that goes so far out of it's way to offend people. I was down on the Mall in DC the other day and saw a PETA ad compairing the meat industry to the Holocaust. I wrote to PETA telling them that it was incredibly insensitive and offensive and they wrote back that "Auschwitz begins wherever someone looks at a slaughterhouse and thinks: They're only animals."
Their response was particularly poorly timed, as it came a few hours after I came home from (this is true) visiting the Holcaust Memorial. Oh well, I guess the only way to deal with people who's worldview litterally sees no difference between sentient beings and cattle is to laugh at them. (PETA, not the cows.)
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Ro Ro says:
August 25, 2008 at 1:03 pmMmmmmmm... mexigon.
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Sean says:
August 25, 2008 at 2:03 pmAs a bonus, the title is guaranteed to offend some hyper-sensitive activist for the "mentally challeged" (or whatever the euphemism is this week). I wonder if there's anybody who gets offended on behalf of retarded chickens, because that would be awesome.
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Binky says:
August 25, 2008 at 2:13 pmFunny, funny, funny, funny, INFINITY funny.
Thank you, Eric D. Snider, for ignoring the siren call of solvency and being a writer instead.
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Jacques says:
August 25, 2008 at 3:10 pmI have stepped on so many spiders it's surprising that PETA doesn't have a warrant out for me.
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Paul says:
August 25, 2008 at 3:15 pmI have to say the PETA columns are always funny. Well done Eric, we need more PETA bashing.
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Red says:
August 25, 2008 at 3:40 pmI'm still stuck on the possibility that not all political offices are already filled by liberated lab monkeys. . . .
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Savvy Veteran says:
August 25, 2008 at 3:48 pmThat was hilarious. I particularly enjoyed the part about the PETA member making restitution to the spider community after accidentally stepping on one.
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Notaturkeybone says:
August 25, 2008 at 4:41 pmI don't understand why they are upset. Are there really that many people out there eating animals? I know I never do. I only ever eat hamburgers and bacon.
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Melissa says:
August 25, 2008 at 4:51 pm"Ain't like no damn orca gonna get himself a job at Old Navy. I got skillz, but those skillz is limited to the followin': jumpin' up outta the water, eatin' fishes, and splashin' fools what be sittin' in the front rowz."
I was at Sea World San Diego a couple of weeks ago, so this made me LOL. I like the idea of Shamu at the Old Navy, helping people in the fitting room, with his little walkie-talkie on. Awesome.
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Matt says:
August 25, 2008 at 5:07 pmI like the meatatarian (I probably spelled that wrong) idea, i heard it on the Wendys commercial, thought it was funny until I talked to someone who says they are a meatatarian, although not an offical lifestyle choice it makes sense. I mean we (humans) are not supposed to eat meat according to PETA, but what about all the other animals in the world, they eat other animals, should we throw blood on them and make outcasts of these animals as well? Or should we just eat them to teach the rest of their species a lesson?
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MattP says:
August 25, 2008 at 5:38 pmOne of my favorite t-shirts:
"Meat is murder. Tasty, tasty murder."
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Lane says:
August 25, 2008 at 5:52 pmIt seems like it's been a while since we've had a good news article, and since this is basically the only place I come for news, I appreciated it.
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ClobberGirl says:
August 25, 2008 at 5:58 pmI'm with Maddox on vegetarianism: for every animal you don't eat, I'm gonna eat three!
But seriously, something I've never understood is: if PETA's position is that all animal life is as valuable as human life, what about bugs? And if bugs are as valuable as human life, do PETA members commit to not driving cars or flying on commercial aircraft? I'm betting the grill of every PETA member's car is a "slaughterhouse."
Anyways, great column Eric.
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Wayne says:
August 25, 2008 at 6:05 pmMy favorite two quotes on this topic:
"I don't eat anything that didn't have a mother."
and
"Salad? That's what my food eats!" -
Native Minnow says:
August 25, 2008 at 6:10 pmI was going to make a comment about liberated lab monkeys being about the same, if not better, than what we currently have in the highest public office, but then you beat me to it with the footnote. Funny stuff, as always.
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Randy Tayler says:
August 25, 2008 at 7:19 pmMaking fun of PETA is easy. It's like shooting fish in a barr-- ooh, poor analogy choice.
And I have to add this thought I just had:
"Meat is murder. But salad is suicide."
Very funny column.
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Cat says:
August 25, 2008 at 7:42 pm"(People for the Ethical Treatment of Appetizers)""So start digging for change between your couch cushions, unless "couch cushions" is what you call your butt cheeks, in which case do not." two of my favorite lines from this article. Well done Eric!!
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Ben C. says:
August 25, 2008 at 7:56 pmMattP: I have that shirt. It's awesome. Most of the time I see people start to get upset, then they finish reading it and start laughing. I've only seen maybe 2 vegetarians get really upset and give me dirty looks. I also have a shirt that says, "Nobody likes a Vegetarian". I get more dirtly looks with that one.
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Cheri says:
August 25, 2008 at 8:35 pmMy brother and sister made up a website called People for the Ethical Treatment of Insects several years ago as a spoof on PETA. I can't find it, it must be shut down, but it was great. They went off on that movie Starship Troopers, and the kids smushing the bugs to "do their part." You got to love how easy it is to make fun of PETA.
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B says:
August 25, 2008 at 8:54 pmMy humble opinion on this topic:
1) There's nothing wrong with being a vegetarian, but you don't have to be a sanctimonious prig about it.
2) There's nothing wrong with eating meat, but you don't have to be a sanctimonious prig about it.
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Jim says:
August 25, 2008 at 9:06 pmGreat article Eric!!
I like the shirt: "Vegetarian = Indian word for poor hunter"
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Angus McFarland says:
August 25, 2008 at 9:21 pmMy favorite shirt:
"I didn't claw my way up the food chain so I could eat vegetables"
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Dave says:
August 25, 2008 at 9:54 pmWho else could write a column that makes fun of PETA, the Bush administration, Taco Bell AND Canadians (of which I am one)? Eric, did you ever know that you're my hero?
Incidentally, the episode of "Penn & Teller: Bulls**t!" on PETA is a must-see, albeit an incredibly disturbing one. I only thought that PETA was annoying before I saw the episode...now I realize they're far more dangerous, delusional, hypocritical and heartless than I ever thought possible.
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Carrie says:
August 25, 2008 at 10:33 pmI now picture Shamu swimming around in a blue bandana and a bullet-proof vest with a gat tucked under his fin and "BK" tattooed on him somewhere. Binky, draw that up for me. I need it.
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Phil Cardenas says:
August 25, 2008 at 10:50 pmTop ten funniest Snide Remarks. I thought the "octagonal treat" was hilarious enough in its Homer Simpson-like brilliance, but then you floored me with "mexigon". You are right--"The Bell" should call it that. Maybe I'll start a campaign to get that changed. Oh, wait maybe not; some organization just might get offended. Great, Crunchwrap it is.
PETA (Persons for the Egregious Torture of Alligators) is a frightening bunch. I would really like to know how much sway they actually have anymore; I mean being provocative for provocative's sake only goes so far as the envelope can be pushed. Aren't they so over the top that they cease to be effective anymore? I mean what's next for them--full-on copulating pornstars for PETA? Will it go that far for these freaks? It just seems that if you are already a parody, you've jumped the shark (or nuked the fridge, as the kids are saying) and are no longer relevant.
That's my 2 cents...great article, Eric.
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Bundy says:
August 25, 2008 at 11:07 pmTwo things made me burst into gut busting laughter. Mexigon, and "tasty, tasty, murder." I am going to go order a mexigon at the drive thru just so I can confuse some poor teenager.
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Jessie says:
August 25, 2008 at 11:28 pmAnother fantasic Snide Remarks. When I was an intern at a local newspaper, I covered a PETA protest. They were calling it their "Live Make-out Tour." Apparently not eating meat allows for great blood flow to ... vital organs, making vegetarians better lovers. Now I don't know if that's true, but as a vegetarian I'd like to believe it is. Also, as a vegetarian I think PETA is wacked.
http://deseretnews.com/library/photos/lowres/2006/2720531.jpg
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Clumpy says:
August 25, 2008 at 11:33 pmI'm going to be uncharacteristically serious and try to evaluate PETA at face value. I've spent so many years mocking and hating them that it only seems fair (my High School had a subscription to their Animal Times, which we would read and laugh).
From the secular sort of perspective PETA comes from they obviously believe two things:
1)Animals weren't sent to Earth by God for our use (food, clothing, etc.).
2)Though all creatures have differences, there is no inherent difference in the "worth" of an animal life vs. that of a human. We've only created the distinction between man and animal because we're by and large cleverer than them and we were the first to build Winchesters and testing labs.
Even from my perspective (animals were sent by God for our use), I recognize that animals have a sort of emotional system and an ability to perceive, however "smaller" than mine. The argument of marginal differences rules out discrimination against animals based on intelligence, as you'll find humans with brain disorders and the like who may be at the level of, say, a chicken, but we don't go around slaughtering them. The religious rationalization is really the only appropriate one, as it requires no further logical defense beyond that the religious itself rests upon.
A PETA advocate who views the inherent worth of animals as equal to that of humans MUST get frustrated when tragedies that occur to humans are decried in the media, while what they see as concentration camps and slavery for poultry (to pick one example) remain commonplace. Their anger carries them to extremes as they forget that most of the human race approaches the issue from a different perspective (or just habit), and is deeply offended by the comparison of cruelty toward humans and animals.
Even as an omnivore with religious backing I don't believe in tormenting food or product animals during their (short) lives, even if it drives up meat and animal product prices. Read a little about the conditions of chickens being raised for meat and you might be driven to empathy, if not the kind of dogmatism practiced by PETA.
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Ryan N. says:
August 26, 2008 at 12:16 amAlong with the whole t-shirt thing one of my favorites that I have seen had a picture of some bbq ribs and said PETA (People for the Eating of Tasty Animals).
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Fig says:
August 26, 2008 at 12:32 amI will never again order anything but a Mexigon at Taco Bell.
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Strude says:
August 26, 2008 at 1:07 am"...dubiously ethnic fast-food..." Ha, that kills me.
My favorite anti PETA shirt: "If God didn't want us eating animals, He wouldn't have made them out of meat."
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Eric D. Snider says:
August 26, 2008 at 1:21 amSide note: Strude's comment is the 10,000th comment posted on EricDSnider.com since we enabled comments in October 2006! Comments! Hooray! Strude wins nothing! Comments!
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Mary says:
August 26, 2008 at 2:28 amOh my gosh, I am so craving a mexigon right now.... :)
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Karen says:
August 26, 2008 at 2:40 am"(animals were sent by God for our use)"
If He didn't want us to eat animals, then why did He make them out of meat?
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Ampersand says:
August 26, 2008 at 3:24 amIn the past few months I've been trying to eat less meat because of the health benefits of eating a more plant-based diet, rising prices of meat, environmental impact, etc. type stuff. But honestly, when I see PETA's tactics of bludgeoning people over the head with their ideology, it makes me want to go eat a veal steak with foie gras and caviar sauce just to stick it to them. I sympathize with PETA's message that we should treat animals humanely (which to me means treating them with dignity), they turn so many people off with their tactics.
Fantastic column. Yeah, making fun of PETA is like shooting drunken fish in a barrel, but it's still hella funny.
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Jenn says:
August 26, 2008 at 3:28 amThis kind of reminds me of a scene in "Notting Hill" (great chick movie!) Hugh Grant is on a date with a girl who will only eat food that is already dead, such as apples that fall out of a tree. He points to some carrots & says "So the carrots...?" & the girl says "Have been murdered." It makes me laugh everytime I see it!!
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Evie says:
August 26, 2008 at 4:43 amShamu's blog is probably the funniest thing I've ever heard in my life. There is nothing, I repeat NOTHING, funnier than listening to the SnideCast.
I couldn't even LOL. I could barely breathe. And it all started when I was about to look for coins in the couch cushions.........yikes! DH and I just listened to this podcast three times....it's a great cheap date! Thanks for the links to your earlier four PETA pieces--so very, very funny (and unforgettable).
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Logan says:
August 26, 2008 at 5:54 pmIf meat is so wrong, why are vegetarians made out of it?
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richrich says:
August 26, 2008 at 9:25 pmwalrus skin pants. har!
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David Manning says:
August 27, 2008 at 12:44 amAw, shoot. I was secretly aiming for that 10,000th comment.
Oh, well. I guess there's always the 100,000th comment...
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Michelle says:
August 27, 2008 at 8:29 amI agree with B, for once I don't find this Snide Remark particularly humorous..
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Paperclip (yes, I'm actually called that) says:
August 27, 2008 at 9:58 pmAs I am well trained to not laugh at a lot of things (I'm looking at this at school) it didn't make me laugh. It would have if I was at home though.
Just for the record, PETA needs to go put their head in a hole like the ostriches they worship.
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Mad Monkey says:
August 28, 2008 at 12:02 amThe worst thing about PETA, apart from the insane craziness described in this Snide Remarks, is that it kills animals. That's the worst part because I think that most people would agree with PETA's titular message; most people, even meat-eaters, think that animals should be treated ethically (after all, you don't really need to torture animals in order to kill and eat them!). But they just take it overboard, saying that you can't use any animal products at all and that eating an animal is the same as killing and eating a child, and they go out of their way to be as obnoxious and offensive as possible, to the point that they're actually making things worse.
But that's not the worst part. They kill animals. A lot of animals. They kill more animals in a year than most people could kill in their whole lives. They kill puppies and kitties that people wanted to adopt. Check out this shock site -- http://www.petakillsanimals.com/petasdirtysecret.cfm. Ninety percent of animals taken in to PETA-run shelters are killed by lethal injection instead of being adopted. And it's not because they don't have any money. Despite the fact that money is now made from manatee-skins, they still rake in millions of dollars every year, which goes towards comparing people eating chicken to NAzis.
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Cheri says:
August 28, 2008 at 12:43 amFound the website! Hilarious.
http://wheelerfamily.com/todd/Home.html
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Stuart says:
August 28, 2008 at 1:09 amWell it's been a while Eric.
I use to read you columns when you were writing for the Daily Herald in Utah. You are bright, funny and quick witted with a gift to see the quirky and humorous that surround us, which we all too often over look.
So on a whim I decided to google you today and take quick search led me here.
I read your piece on the PETA, unfortunately I didn't find it that humorous. I realize that some of the methodology used by some of it's members (and at times endorsed by the company itself) can be seen as silly or obnoxious and even ludicrous.
They "can" be all those things and more...but they do so for one reason, to shock people out of their complacency and try to bring awareness to the plight of hundreds of thousands (if not millions) of abused, starved, over hunted, encroached upon, expiriments on, innocent animals from all over the globe.
Yes they are animals.
Why is that a belittling comment for some, like it's a derogatory thing?
When you stop and think, animals do a lot for most of us in ways other than produce food or processed goods.
Most of us have had a pet of some type in our lives, a dog or a cat, perhaps a horse, gerbil, bird, snake...granted some show a greater degree of affection and understanding than others. The point lies in how they make US feel.
Those of us who have had say a dog or cat and shared their love and companionship know of what I speak, as do other with different animals I'm sure.
There is a connection, when your pet come up and lays next to you on the bed or couch and snuggles up quietly and goes to sleep. The calm sleep of contentment and safety. You can tell that this is what they feel, they look to you as a provider and friend.And for most of us that makes us feel good, it's pure, unadulterated affection. A special thing that, in my opinion.
Now realize that there are those that would take your pet (whatever it might be) and kill it, maybe quickly but probably not...certainly not without pain. Some would do this for food, most would do it because of a job. Yes there are countries that eat and serve dog or cat and horses, as well as donkeys but we needn't go there.
Here is a creature that's more than willing to under normal conditions give almost unconditional love and affection, and what do we do? (metaphorically speaking)
We kill them, or allow them to be killed by others but looking the other way or keeping our words and thoughts to ourselves. We rationalize that it's not our pet that's being killed, eaten, tortured by testing, starved through neglect or abused through cruelty.And there are those that enjoy the pure act of causing another living thing pain. They're out there too.
So the difference between those that turn away from these activities, these crimes is that PETA members (as well as other animal rights groups) speak out.
They speak out against it, they write articles about cruelty and neglect. They try to encourage companies to improve the, (most time) horrible conditions of these animals.
Yes, perhaps at one time we "needed" as a culture, as a race produce animals for food just to survive. But in all honesty that isn't the case anymore, there are alternatives known and available for protein and any other nutritional ingredient that animals can give us through consumption.
The crazy thing is that almost all animals when young will come up to you and lick your hand and treat you much like a dog or cat would. I've seen fawns do it, baby cows do it, baby moose, baby calves...it's not till later after experience and environment teach them to fear man.
My point isn't so much that I advocate not using animals at all, I know that to some degree it's probably always going to exist. My point and hope is that we understand what it is that's actually happening.
A living, feeling creature is losing it's life for many times a convenience, not a necessity.
The great tragedy is that animals are much more intelligent than we ever normally give them credit for. Especially within their own environment.
I watched a special the other day on The Animal Planet where a Lifeguard and his daughters (and friends) off the coast of New Zealand were circled frantically for 45min by a group of dolphins. At first the situation was shocking and scary for those in the water, it wasn't till the father tried to break out of the circle that he was able to see below the surface a very large great white shark. The dolphins had of their own accord and altruism, formed a protective circle around the people, viscously slapping the water with their tails to try and keep the shark away. They did this for 45min, till the circle began to grow larger and larger...till they were go and all sign of the shark was gone as well.
Dolphins are hunted and and killed for food every day, despite activists and supposed agreements they are still considered a delicacy in parts of the world.
What about orangutans? Almost driven to the point of extinction...they can learn sign language and have actual conversations. They can express feelings of likes and dislikes, of being afraid, of sadness and joy...yet they are hunted and captured and driven from dwindling forests because of illegal lumber harvesting. There is thought to be only 30000 left in the wild.
These are only a few examples, everyday there are reports of domestic animals that were abused or found needing help.
PETA may not be a perfect group or organization, but they do what they do to try and help as many animals as they can. To get the message out that there are horrible things happening to innocent animals all over the world. That there IS better and different ways to live and share our world with these wonderful creatures.
So I'm sorry that I don't find the lack of compassion or sensitivity or caring about these articles funny.
I've seen and read too much to be ignorantly detached and callous and uncaring.
I honestly don't know how rational and otherwise decent people can turn their backs on and actually joke and ridicule the demise of creatures that would only give love and affection and loyalty and love for a little attention and kindness.
People say the world is going to hell, maybe it is....as long as we continue to turn a blind eye and continue to conveniently forget or dismiss the truly horrible things committed against animals on a daily basis...maybe it's already there.
With Sad Regards,
Stuart in Utah
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Stuart says:
August 28, 2008 at 1:32 amThe Story Behind a New York Billboard and the Interests It Serves
A bit more information about the "PETA Kills Animals" claim.
www.nytimes.com/2005/07/24/opinion/24sun3.html
Regards
Stuart
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Ro Ro says:
August 28, 2008 at 5:30 pmWhoa, that's got to be the longest comment (#46) I've ever seen in my life. I thought the article was hilarious, and I'm all for the ethical treatment of all animals (even the scrumptious ones).
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JD says:
August 28, 2008 at 8:20 pmSad Stuart:
I think you've ably proved Eric's point about the humorlessness of the animal-rights crowd. I truly hope the point of your post was satire.
A couple of points:
1. baby animals come up to humans not because they haven't learned to "fear man." They fearlessly come up to people because they're stupid and lack cognitive skills, just like baby humans reach out to a hot stove. These baby animals have all sorts of predators in their lives more dangerous than "man," and they eventually become skittish and fearful due to these actual threats. Which reminds me -- time for a trip to Ottavio's for veal parmagian!
2. Regardless of the righteousness of your message, when your marketing campaign is obnoxious or lackluster then you have failed (although, I vote for more PETA ads featuring naked Pam Anderson)
3. mmmmm, orangutan -- with a side of dolphin.
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Paperclip says:
August 28, 2008 at 9:28 pmNo dolphin for me. Mercury kills.
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Pumpkin says:
August 29, 2008 at 12:09 amI love Eric's columns about PETA, and they deserve all the flack they get from thinking people. Notice that Eric has never written a column making fun of the ASPCA because unlike PETA they are not made up of a bunch of rabble-rousing hypocrites.
Religion, or lack of it, has got to be one of the biggest forces behind PETA. God made humans more intelligent than animals; we are not equals in any way. He gave us animals for our use, and to not use them at all is ungrateful. What also annoys me is that there are millions of starving people all over the world who need help and groups like PETA distract a lot of people from doing some real good in the world. They whine about cows and chickens while children are dying in Africa.
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Momma Snider says:
August 29, 2008 at 12:29 amI have to agree that euthanizing homeless pets can be an ethical, humane way to treat them, so I don't hold that against PETA. I know I personally would rather be dead than live in an animal shelter for any length of time.
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Steven Ricks says:
August 29, 2008 at 1:44 pmto Momma Snider:
For the record, I would personally rather survive torture and deprivation, even for years at a time, than simply be killed.
Also for the record (and in partial response to Stuart's comment # 46), PETA does not euthanize homeless pets to keep them from languishing in shelters. PETA euthanizes homeless pets because the keeping of pets is equivalent to slavery in their eyes, and death is the preferable alternative to bondage. So Stuart, when you advocate PETA's position by using the example of pets, please be aware that PETA is just as horrified by pet ownership as it is by the slaughterhouse, and would, in fact, "take your pet (whatever it might be) and kill it," not for food and not because of their job, but because they believe that the animal is much better off dead than experiencing that special, pure, unadulterated affection that you and other pet owners treasure.
And to B, who said:
1) There's nothing wrong with being a vegetarian, but you don't have to be a sanctimonious prig about it.
2) There's nothing wrong with eating meat, but you don't have to be a sanctimonious prig about it.
Most anti-PETA rhetoric that I have encountered is reactionary. I am unaware of any activist group existing solely to advocate the eating of meat. When people indulge in comments like "For every animal you don't eat, I'll eat three," or "I love animals - they taste so good," it's just a way to figuratively flip the bird to a group who is beating us over the head and has no shame whatsoever in using any tactics they can think of to force their view on everyone. Here are some things that I find infinitely more offensive and dispicable than killing for food or clothing and even crowing about it:
PETA members attending public events and looking for women wearing fur coats, and then handing to the impressionable children of these women (without the permission or necessarily even the knowledge of the mother) a cute little cartoon booklet titled "Your Mommy's a Killer," complete with graphic depictions of terrified small mammals running from a crazed-looking woman holding a large, bloody knife.
PETA's anti-fishing pamphlet that tells kids "Your father's teaching you the wrong thing about right and wrong."
Reporting as scientific fact such dubious claims as that meat (or even milk) consumption directly and adversely affects one's love-making ability (and including such "facts" in pamphlets distributed at public schools).
And the most offensive: that a group that uses such tactics as cited above would include the word "ethical" in the name of their organization.
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Carrie says:
August 30, 2008 at 1:09 amWhy doesn't PETA also spend it's time jumping in between lions and wildebeest?
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Carrie says:
August 30, 2008 at 1:13 amWe'd need another name for that group, wouldn't we? People for the Stopping of Animal-on-animal Violence or something like that. People Who Want Animals to Stop Killing Animals. I'll work on it.
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Clumpy says:
August 30, 2008 at 1:59 amActually, you're wrong, Steven. We used to laugh at the Animal Times (a PETA magazine), but the regular messages from PETA members and even the editor of the magazine (who may have been the president of the organization - I don't remember) made it clear that many PETA members do keep pets. They have run public service announcements as well for spaying and neutering.
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Eric D. Snider says:
August 30, 2008 at 2:37 amAnd they don't call them "pets," they call them "companions." Because they're equal, you know, and "pet" makes it sound like somehow you OWN them.
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Tom says:
September 1, 2008 at 10:43 amAnheuser-Busch winning the SeaWorlds in a poker game - I can't stop laughing about that.
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Boyd says:
September 2, 2008 at 4:03 amPeople Eating Tasty Animals.
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Steven Ricks says:
September 4, 2008 at 2:25 pmWell, I stand corrected on the pet - or companion - thing. I based my statement on something that I heard a representative of some group say on the radio, and I thought that the group was PETA. I looked up some information on the Animal Liberation Front, but I couldn't find anything like that in their stated policy, either. So I don't know what group the person was representing when they said that. I guess this is a case where any views regarding animals as equal to humans is eventually attributed to PETA just as any collection of life observations circulating on the internet is eventually attributed to George Carlin.
But then there is this:
http://www.vancnews.com/articles/2005/07/13/warrenton/news/news07.txtPETA's official response was not, "They should have really tried harder to find homes for those animals," but rather "they shouldn't have tossed them in the dumpster."
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Sarah says:
September 5, 2008 at 12:05 amUh, Sad Stuart? Where in this column did Eric "joke and ridicule the demise of creatures..."? The column I read made fun of PETA's methods which tend to "ensure that whatever good points they're making are lost in a sea of sanctimonious grandstanding."
Also: "You never know with the Belgians!" might have to become part of my everyday speech.
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You'vegotsnails says:
September 10, 2008 at 3:44 pmLeather is from animals, right? If you really protest the use of animals for clothing, try that crap at a biker bar. I think the people who throw paint at women wearing fur coats are cowards.
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Bart says:
September 11, 2008 at 1:41 amI've got to say, while quite insensitive at times, SnideRemarks comments are among the grammatically correct on the net. And funny.
Which affirms my opinion that intelligence and humor go hand in hand. Also, it explains why PETA people don't laugh at stuff like this.
Honestly! Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not get bent out of shape. When I drive by Panda Express I chuckle just thinking about a time not long ago when you'd have to sit and wait for hours to eat Panda.
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Morgan865 says:
September 30, 2008 at 5:09 pmSo here's a question that has formed in my mind while reading these comments: If PETA encourages spaying & neutering homeless animals, and PETA feels that animals should not be treated any differently than humans, what is PETA's policy on homeless humans?
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denise casey says:
February 24, 2010 at 9:57 pmmarine animals should be left in the ocean. they should not be forsed to live in a fishbowl or do silly tricks for the un-educated. get a life people take your children out doors and enjoy nature and wildlife.
Copyright © Eric D. Snider.
This work may not be transmitted via the Internet, nor reproduced in any other way, without written consent from Eric D. Snider.
Notes:
Additional reading: Details on the InBev deal; PETA tries to buy ad space.
Though I've mentioned PETA in passing here and there more recently, it's been five years since I wrote a column entirely about them. If you're interested, here are the four I wrote back in the old days, in chronological order: "I PETA the Fool," "PETA's Dragon," "Milking It," and "Pet Peeves."
My first thought on Shamu's blog was to have him write in a very scholarly, erudite fashion, with a large vocabulary and advanced sentence structure. But that turned out not to be very funny; plus, it's hard to write that way. (As any good fiction writer will tell you, it's impossible to create a character who's smarter than you are.) So then I thought that since killer whales are black and white, maybe Shamu would sound like one of those white suburban kids who try to talk black. Sadly, I had no trouble writing in that voice.
SnideCast intro & outro: "Food, Glorious Food," from the "Oliver!" original Broadway cast album.