The Nayme Gaimme

Snide Remarks #342

"The Nayme Gaimme"

by Eric D. Snider

Published in The Daily Herald on January 19, 2003

If you're like me, you think it's funny that a lot of people have goofy names. If you're not like me, you're one of the people coming up with the goofy names. One of us needs to change his ways, and I think it's you, JuDee.

I write this with the knowledge that I am in danger of offending people I know and like. I have friends with absurd names, and some who have given their children absurd names. The extraordinarily snobbish diatribe that is about to follow should in no way be construed as evidence that I have less than warm feelings for these people, or for the children whose lives they have ruined with cruel names like "JayceSun."

Now, I like fun as much as the next guy -- unless the next guy is Pete Townshend, because hoo-boy, I can't keep up with him! -- but I draw the line at making child-naming time wacky creative fun time. Certain activities are meant to be boring. It means you're doing them right. These include school plays, service projects and naming your children. If fun should break out during any of these undertakings, you should stop immediately and start again.

You see, one of the goals of parenthood -- I am generalizing here -- is that your children will live into adulthood. And if that should happen, and you've saddled him or her with an absurd name -- one that you made up or intentionally misspelled -- then what have you done to his or her chances of being taken seriously? Would you trust a doctor named Kaytelynne? Or a lawyer named M'Kaee? Or a senator named Orrin? (Seriously: "Orrin"?)

The two best places to find ridiculous names are Utah and the National Football League. I don't know why this is. Those two groups have little else in common.

In Utah, there are names like these, all of which I got from the single best silly-name source, the obituary pages: Vonda, Julaine, Luray, Ferral, Ardath, Shyrel, Artell, Gerial, Zelma, and Elna. (Utahns 90 years ago were apparently still a little punch-drunk from the trek west.)

From elsewhere in the paper, I find these actual names of non-elderly Utahns: Jefra, Eunhi, Chanthy, Shurron, Chaulyn and Lyndell.

In the NFL, there are these names, all of which belong to men who were born on Earth: Edgerton, Adalius, Peerless, JoJuan, Canute, Artrell, Ligarius, KaRon, Jashon, Earthwind and Plaxico. (How does someone come to be named "Plaxico"? Did his parents follow the Utah practice of name compromising, where Dad want to name him Plate, while Mom wanted to call him Mexico, and they combined the two?)

Do you notice that the names of the mostly white Utahns are very similar to those of the mostly African-American NFL players? Perhaps there is common ground between our cultures after all.

I present these rules in naming your children:

1. Don't make up a name. You have to give your child a name that already exists and is a commonly accepted name. That may sound restrictive, but there are literally thousands of perfectly good names to choose from. We don't need any new ones. Civilization is more than 6,000 years old; the brainstorming session is over. I'm sorry you didn't live 200 years ago, when exciting new names were still being forged. But now, in 2002, or whatever, WE'RE DONE. No new names.

2. Don't misspell your kid's name on purpose. Seriously, what are you trying to pull? Violation of Rule No. 2 is usually an effort to circumvent Rule No. 1: We can't make up new names, so we'll misspell an existing name, thus, in a way, making a new name!

No. You can't do this. It's not clever; it just looks like you can't spell. It also does not distinguish your child from the other children with the same name. When the teacher calls on Michael, it will sound the same as if she is calling on Mikkal, MyKle or Mighkull. She should not have to differentiate between traditional-spelling Michael and all the train-wreck-spelling Michaels in the class.

3. You are entitled to one capital letter per name. Do not deplete our nation's supply of capital letters by wedging two or more of them into one name.

4. No one takes women seriously whose first names end with two e's. I'm sorry, but it's true.

5. You have a friend who says he or she once encountered two people named Lemonjello and Oranjello. But your friend is lying. Those people exist only in urban legend. Stop saying you've heard of them, because you haven't.

Comments & Reaction:

After this column appeared, I received three e-mails from people claiming to have known someone named S***head (pronounced "Sha-THAYD"). This is untrue, of course; S***head is another urban legend, and if I had been allowed to say S***head in the newspaper, I would have mentioned it in the column. Anyway, I wrote back to these people and let them know they were lying about knowing S***head, and none of them wrote back to insist they were telling the truth. So I'm glad we settled that.

Years later, this column still gets referenced a lot. It's linked to from various baby-name sites. In 2005 I ran into an old acquaintance I hadn't seen in ages, and he said whenever a relative is pregnant, he sends her a link to "The Nayme Gaimme." It's one of the more enduring things I've written, which is nice.

About a year after this column ran, I received this e-mail from a woman named Mary Thompson. It starts out OK but then turns bad:

Hi, I just read your article about baby names on the web and I couldn't agree more. I've been keeping a list of true baby names for awhile. These names are names I've seen in print in the local papers or witnessed by a trusted friend or family member or even at my kid's schools (this is metro Atlanta). And yes, they do include Lemonjello and Orangejello (deputy sheriffs in Clarke County, GA), S***head, A**hole, Diarrhea, Phenomena, Vagina, Sensuous. The rest of the baby name list are just the usual, inane unpronounceable black baby names. It's not urban legend, but completely stupid parents, or single mother. Mary

I never thought to blame stupid names on single mothers. Is Mary's reasoning that without the sensible influence of a husband, women go pig-wild and name their kids whatever the heck they want? Hmm.

Anyway, I wrote back to her and said this:

"Thanks for the e-mail, but until I see a birth certificate, or a valid newspaper mention, I'm not going to believe anyone is named Lemonjello, Orangejello, S***head or A**hole. You definitely didn't encounter these people; a friend or relative said THEY did, but they were kidding or lying. Sorry."

Mary replied with this heartwarming tale of faith:

Dear Eric,

Thanks for the quick reply regarding inane baby names. When my husband's 65 year-old aunt says that she typed up deputy certificates with the names Lemonjello and Orangejello on them, I'll believe her. Our pastor's wife worked with someone named Diarrhea. Sometimes in life you have to take some things on faith. I haven't seen Jesus or Muhammad. but I tend to believe that they existed from what others have said (or written). I haven't met S***head or A**hole, but I know they're out there!

Mary

I've met a lot of s***heads and a**holes, but never anyone who was actually NAMED that. It's good to know that someone so dismissive of "inane black baby names" and single mothers is simultaneously so devoted to her religious faith. Makes you feel good inside.

Anyway, regarding Lemonjello and Orangejello, I got a few e-mails from people doggedly claiming to have encountered them once. If all of these people are telling the truth, then the Jello twins are both male and female, anywhere from 5 to 30 years old, and live all over the country. In other words, they're an urban legend.

After this last letter was posted, I received the following e-mail:

Dear Eric,
I think you should get a life. [You and me both!]My name is Vonda and I'm only going to be 30 in a month. I'm not from Utah, but from New York. You said you were not trying to offend people, well I'm very offended. [Actually, all I said was that I knew I was in danger of offending people I knew. Offending strangers was not a concern for me.] Yes my mom was a single mother but she did not name me. It was my grandmother who did and let me tell you, I'm very proud of my name. Do you know how many people actually say to me "wow, that's a beautiful name"? Alot. I'm a single mom and my son's name is Joshua. So it has nothing to do with single mothers. [Nor did I say it did, of course; that was the previous letter-writer, whom I made fun of for suggesting such a thing.] Do you know that there is a singer out there named Vonda Shepard? She doesn't seem to mind her name and she is younger then me. With the money she makes, she could have changed it along time ago. There are so many more names out there that are ridiculous then ours.
Can't you find something else to do with your life then to pick on others names. [If that was a question, the answer is no.] Are you jealous because you got a plain old common name?
Vonda

If I parse this letter correctly, Vonda's complaint is that I suggested Vonda is 1) a silly name and 2) a name for old people. I stand by both statements.

This item has 65 comments

Chrystle says:
December 6, 2006 at 8:56 pm
I say if the spelling is different, but at lease is pronouncable(sp?) as such it's fine. My dad actually made a spelling mistake with my name, and it's become a good ice breaking joke. However, if you need revelation in order to be able to decipher it, then you have way too much time on your hands.
Chrystle says:
December 6, 2006 at 8:57 pm
oops. I meant least. I work as a leasing agent, so guess which word I type more often.
John Doe says:
December 7, 2006 at 12:20 am
The most recent offense I've seen against rule #2 is someone on the news. Name is Arrika (pronounced Ericka). None of us knew how to pronounce it until the other people said her name. Then we knew she was of Utah. Parents, don't make your kids have to get exasperated at people who don't know how to spell their name. If you spell it wrong in an attempt to make them unique, it only makes them unique in the sense people know their parents are dumb, while we can usually only assume such things.
Happiness says:
December 8, 2006 at 8:38 pm
I once knew someone named McElla. Always felt sorry for her.
Anne Tenaglia says:
February 15, 2007 at 6:20 pm
I am a teacher in Philly and I have taught kids named, Lady, Princess, Baron, But the best ones were a young lady named Tueasy (pronounced too easy) and a young man named Mister and his younger brother, Shadow. Unbelievable!
CeCe says:
April 8, 2007 at 5:40 pm
you are very ignorant and i could care less how old you are. you apparently have grown up in a world full of squares and are un-exposed to the lifestyle on many african americans. Names are names "trick" and i do not appreciate under any circumstances your imput on the matter. I personally think the more interresting the name or the spelling the more beautiful and unique. Im sorry but i dont want my georgous daughter walking around with the same name as some other ugly chick whether gretchen or alicia and i resent my mother for giving me a "respectable" (in your opinion) name. I think you should mind your buiness because what are you going to do except introduce yourself to more square living people in your square mindstate of a life. No disrespect and i hope you take into consideration the opinion of a 13 year old as deep as you would with somebody of an older age.

=]] but also please keep in mind children these days make fun of names less unless their parents grew up teasing kids with beautiful names and while some names are rediculus (my bad i spelt it wrong) baby naming should be fun. And school plays. Boring people do boring things to make it boring therefore creating a boring square world. This generation needs better. im sorry.
Hallie says:
April 18, 2007 at 6:48 pm
I can say that I have met twins Yellowjello and Orangejello. So, it's not exactly like lemonjello, but close enough.

Yes, these names really do exist.

And you have no right to tell people what names are ok and what names arent. It's not your decision, it's theirs. If you don't like the names, then don't use them. It's as simple as that.
Eric D. Snider says:
April 18, 2007 at 7:10 pm
Hallie, why must you turn my Web site into a HOUSE OF LIES??!
Eric N says:
April 27, 2007 at 3:14 pm
Vonda, FYI - your name could be Flargagna and guys would tell you "oh that's a beautiful name". It doesn't mean it's true nor a valid basis for your claim - they have ulterior motives.
LYNSEY says:
May 28, 2007 at 4:48 pm
I have a son named Orrin and find your comments funny, this is mainly due to the fact that i'm laughing at you and definantly not with you. Orrin in my opinion is a respectable name and i'm sure many names that are in common use now were frowned on once upon atime untill they became acceptable. i agreed certain names are just cruel to inflict on children and the name maybe quite resonable on its on but once combined with a certain surname can become absurd, obviously this needs to be carefully considered before deciding. Some names also grown on you so donot be so quick to judge. i would love to know what you consider a reasonable name.
melissa says:
June 7, 2007 at 9:26 pm
I agree, and disagree. Yes, people go overboard with silly names for their kids. But at the same time you want to be unique, and want your kids names to be unique .What you name your child is completely up to the person having the child, it is a very important thing because it is something they will have. For God's sake, remember that poor child has to live with it. I have met children named Tuesday, McHail, Blaze, I could go on and on. I thought I heard it all til I recently found out a girl I know named her son, Only. Only?- What kind of crap is that? Anyways, people just need to use common sense. Please don't embarras your kids with some off the wall name, life is hard enough.
Gwyn says:
August 3, 2007 at 1:05 pm
How do you feel about Brighamina, DeRalph, and Nephi Anakin? All Utah names, I assure you.
Hendrice says:
August 13, 2007 at 2:26 pm
How dare you. You can't tell people what to name their kids. Most unique and different names have a special meaning to the parents. This is just stupid saying "we don't need new names". Get a life!
Devin not Devn says:
August 21, 2007 at 12:55 pm
I was talking about people misspelling my name with one of my friends. His name was Kyle, a fairly ordinary, normal name. He said people ask him how to spell his name all the time. "Is it K-Y-L-E or K-I-L-E?" I mean, honestly how can you spell Kyle any different?

The epidemic of misspelling on purpose has spread out far and wide. I hate when I meet girls and have to make an extra effort to remember there name.
Michael says:
August 23, 2007 at 8:02 am
NEWSFLASH - It is not the child's name that makes them unique. It's is who they are as a person. Believe it or not millions of people with familiar names spelled in conventional ways turn out to be quite unique, interesting and fascinating people! Imagine that! When parents make up new names they are guaranteeing their child a lifetime of having their name mispronounced and misspelled. The worst offenders, in my opinion, are the parents who choose a familiar name but misspell it. With much more of this, no one will ever know how to spell any first name (is it Jason or Jayson; Chris or Kris, Jane or Jayne?). I rather like not having to tell everyone I meet how to pronounce my name or how to spell it. Please, prospective parents, please do not ruin that for me and everyone else who is fortunate to have a "boring" name. There are literally 1,000's of names - some of them very rare - that we can all spell and pronounce.
kt says:
August 27, 2007 at 5:24 pm
Lemonjello (pronounced La-Mon-Ja-Low ) and Orangejello (pronounced Or-Run-Ja Low ) are twins that grew up here in Dallas.

All I can say is, "It's very different!"
Eric D. Snider says:
August 27, 2007 at 5:35 pm
KT, why must you turn my Web site into a HOUSE OF LIES??!
Yellowjello says:
September 2, 2007 at 4:11 pm
"you apparently have grown up in a world full of squares"

Yellojello is a very common Navahoe name
Alison says:
September 5, 2007 at 4:35 pm
I am an ER nurse and when I worked in Mississippi, there was a set of twin boys 5 months old that were registered to be seen. Their Mother told me their names were Orangejello and Lemonjello. I crap you not. I did not see a birth certificate, but she did hand me her "green credit card" (her medicaid card). Seriously.
angela says:
September 16, 2007 at 1:19 pm
umm, actually, to be fair, the football player's name is "plaxico", not "plexico".

http://www.nfl.com/players/plaxicoburress/profile?id=BUR595691

there's also one named "atari".

http://www.nfl.com/players/ataribigby/profile?id=BIG264860
Thomas says:
September 20, 2007 at 9:57 am
I have a friend named Evajuani, a beautiful name for a beautiful person. Her mother's two best friends were named Evelyn and Jaunita which was combined to form Evajuni, a beautiful new name.
Pumpkin says:
November 5, 2007 at 12:04 pm
I agree with Eric 100%. People who make up stupid names for their children are either, 1) losers, or 2) don't realize they're not being creative, they're just causing trouble, and I say that having great-aunts (born in Utah) named Una, Verba, and Rema. Made-up names are not beautiful, unique, or special. What makes a person special is their personality and accomplishments. Joseph Smith had the two most boring names a man could have, and look at the legacy he left behind.
Zack says:
November 17, 2007 at 11:17 pm
I have an uncle Clermandale who married Cletus and a cousin named Prince Albert, all from Arkansas. Utah doesn't have the corner on the market.
Sharon says:
November 20, 2007 at 3:35 pm
There was a little boy in my daughter's day care class...back in the '80s. I still remember his name--SarNicolas Jones.
Jen says:
November 27, 2007 at 10:32 pm
Eric,

I so agree with you. I could not have laughed harder just now reading your hilariously written and more brilliantly named "Snide Remark# 342" You are awesome. I found your link through my brother's blog, (you know him from BYU, I think) I have always noticed stupid names, but I started getting extremely annoyed while going to school in Utah, when i saw names spelled (ALOT) like....Cadee, Kady, Cadie, or... Kaylee, Caylee. Gimme a break on the ee's -like you said. Some others that really bug, are Mckayley, Caiden, Brinlee or Brinley, JaNiece, Haydee, Coby, dude I could go on all day. Purposely misspelled is super annoying, but the worst are these young utah mothers who want to be super unique and "cutesie" with their damn names. So barf.
HENRIETTA says:
November 28, 2007 at 9:12 am
yes Sir the names Lemonjello and Orangejello do exist. i live in cincinnati, and worked as a M.A. 18 yrs ago. i had the pleasure of having to (mis)pronounce the names of the twin boys. the mother had the nerve to get upset because i pronounced the names as they were written. AA-Duh, Right?

i've can give you a Great name try "VAGINA" yes VAGINA pronounced with a B and an E saying Ba-gee-na
Pumpkin says:
November 28, 2007 at 3:14 pm
I'm a bit confused, Zack #23. An uncle who married someone named Cletus? Where I come from (Oklahoma) Cletus is a man's name, and they don't look too kindly on men marrying men.
Logan Rollo says:
December 11, 2007 at 9:47 pm
Lemonjello and Orangello exist. My wife worked for a local bank here in Prattville, AL several years ago, and remembers cashing checks for Orangello. They lived here for a short time and then moved to the Dothan, AL area around the late 90's. In October 2001, while working a sales route, I ran into Orangello who was working at the coffee shop next the Bruno's Grocery store on the west side of the "circle" in Dothan. Lemonjello had moved back to Mississippi in '99 and then back to Texas in the summer of 2000.
Leah says:
December 17, 2007 at 12:58 pm
Evajuani!?! Hilarious! I love how people get so offended over HUMOR! Chill out, people. Laugh a little and think of the truly stupid names you know. I love the mash-up names the most, like these from my neighborhood: Jorgen, Carsten, Cacia, Daven (pronounced Day-vin), LaVoice...I could go on as well. Here's a great comprehensive website of Utah names: http://wesclark.com/ubn/
john joyce says:
December 26, 2007 at 10:10 am
The problem with these idiotic parents is the problem with all Americans these days. Everyone gets worked up about their "rights." "Who are you to tell me what to name my kids?!?!?!" "I have the RIGHT to name them whatever I want?!?!?!?!" Ok, granted. But you sound like a spoiled a**hole. My tip: Everytime you want to make an important decision, try substituting RESPONSIBILITY for RIGHT. The bottom line is any child who is unlucky enough to have a parentillogical and uneducated enough to endow a foolish name has much bigger problems to deal with than the foolish name. The good thing is they probably won't have to worry about the probability of someone being putt-off by a doctor or lawyer named out of a sci-fi novel..... they'll probably be scrubbing the floors of some warehouse at 2am wondering why their parents never put aside money for a college education.

And for the 13yr old that wishes here mother would have given her a cooler name..... When I was 13, I probably would have thought it cool to be named Baetron, or Zelda, or somesuch. Then we grow up and realize our parents aren't stupid afterall. Good luck with that.
Paige says:
December 27, 2007 at 12:51 am
I just ran across this column....I must say that I agree wholeheartedly. I have 2 cousins named Macen and Cassidie and an uncle named Jathan, so I know firsthand how rough it is when people can't spell your name. I still can't believe my aunt would condemn her daughter to have that saccharine name all her life. I myself am only 16, but am planning on naming my children somewhat unique names. However, insteadof making bizarre new names, I choose to look into the history books. There are many good names that have passed out of use that can be utilized. These names don't particularly have to be unpronounceable or spell-able either. I would hope that people would return these (and sense) rather than perpetuating the growing "weird name" trend.
Kourtney with a K says:
December 27, 2007 at 12:29 pm
Great article, especially the proposed "Plate" and "Mexico" marriage. (If it were my baby, I would have fought tooth and nail for "Plate.")

Back when I was a nametag-wearing waitress, a very concerned patron once asked if I had had a rough life due to the unique spelling of my name. Um, really, Sir? I just want to deliver your french onion soup then head back to the kitchen to flirt with the chefs. Still, I let him know that my life was just peachy despite my outrageously wacky name. As it turns out, his wife was pregnant they were legitimately concerned that their child would have a more difficult life (not just a minor hassle, but a truly lower quality of life) if they didn't use a standard name spelling.

And just for the record, my name would have been Andrew if I was a boy. Not Kandrew.
kris with a k says:
February 4, 2008 at 6:42 am
S***head seen on a standardized testing document, in a room of over 100 educators in a large city. Girl's teacher confirmed. It was pronounced Shu-TAYD. As in Sinead. How many witnesses do you need?
brandi says:
February 24, 2008 at 8:11 am
I am a teacher and we come across lots of "unique" names. There are two sisters I had Royalty Knight and the little sister Ya'Hinnis Knight is in pre-school. I have had a Scipio, he was from down south ( I teach in MO) There is a Fuchsia!! I could go on as well but I want. It isjust interesting to me to each its own. As for the changing the spelling I am guilty myself with my own children. My daughters' names are Kaprice and Kamryn i wanted to stick with the K's
Michele says:
February 25, 2008 at 11:33 am
When I was a resident at Children's in Dallas, we did indeed have a patient with the first name Sh**head. He had asthma and was in the ER fairly regularly.

I have seen a newborn girl named Douche, pronounced "Doo shay", of course.

My favorite was a newborn named "Jarvia". I entered the room as a nervous intern, trying to be culturally sensitive, saying "Is this Jarvia's room?", to which the woman present shot back "It's Jourvoisier, like Courvoisier." I must have looked genuinely striken, because she replied "Oh, his momma can't spell." I mean, the name was missing entire syllables!

Perhaps another rule that should be added to the above is that certain names really do spell doom for the child's future health. Miracle (or Milagro) and Precious always mean the child will have a serious chronic illness. The names should be outlawed.
Michele says:
March 19, 2008 at 12:11 pm
ugh...i know what you mean by spelling names differently being a pain in the butt. i encounter problems with people trying to put 2 "L's" in my name and spell it "michelle" instead of the "correct" way to spell it "michele." i always found it annoying as a kid that i could never find my name on keychains or name plates because it was always spelled "michelle." i do like the way my name is spelled and i'm glad it doesn't have 2 "L's" in it. and i also like the reason it is spelled "michele." if it was spelled "michelle," then i would have the word "hell" in my first name, which my mom didn't think worked well since i have the word "angel" in my last name...haha. by the way, i have a funny name for you...and i SWEAR TO GOD it is a real name. it isn't just a funny first name though, it is a first/last name combo. my mom worked for an older german man (had to be in his 60's or so when i first met him back in the early 80's) who was named "Seymour Weiner." he went by "Sy (pronounced sigh)." i didn't even know his real name until years later when my aunt was joking around and said to me, "i see more weiner than you!" i had no idea what she was talking about until she told me that "sy" is a nickname for "seymour." haha...

and as for the name "shi'thead," he does exist...at least as a mii character when i play my wii video games...haha...but you would think that some parents would be smart enough NOT name their kid something like THAT even with different weird pronunciations...because anyone who sees the name "shi'thead" is NOT going to automatically know that it has some pronunciation other than exactly what it looks like. anyone who names their kid THAT name is just dooming their kid to a lifetime of torture and they should learn to spell before naming their kids!
Jenn says:
March 24, 2008 at 9:43 pm
FINALLY!! Someone else besides me sees the insanity in messing up names!!!! I'm all for unique names, having grown up with the most popular name in the world, but it's the spelling that drives me crazy!! I couldn't believe my sister when she started naming her kids. I have nephews named Dayvid and Maycen. When I asked her why she spelled them that way, I got the whole "Well, it's different.." explanation. I told her almost word for word what Eric said. "When the kid is on the playground, the teacher is not going to be yelling "Dayvid! Dayvid with the Y!!!" One of my friends at work just had a granddaughter named Payten Miley......what?!?! I also know a Boston, Teagan, Karsen, Cedar, Navin, Madisyn, & a Mahonri. Although, I did know a girl named Gennifer once, & always thought that was kind of a cool way to spell it......

Oh btw, when my sister had her last baby, she named him Anthony......I think the sickness has left the family now.......
Phyllis says:
April 18, 2008 at 12:32 pm
When I was in the hospital 17 years ago for the birth of my child, I shared a room with a very young mother who, while watching cartoonsand breast feeding, shared this exchange with her own mother:
Grandmother: So, what you gonna name the baby?"
Mother: "Juh-koy-a" (pronunciation)
Grandmother: Juh-koy-a?! What kinda name is that for a baby? How you spell that?
Mother: J-E-Q-U-O-I-A.
Grandmother: Well, if you think that's best...

Come on!! Leave some vowels for the rest of us!!

And the vowel-hogging continues:
In March of 2008, I received a call from a lady named "Kee-On-Tay" (pronunciation). I asked her how to spell it, and she said "Q-U-I-E-O-N-T-A-E."

Bless her haaaart.
Christi says:
April 18, 2008 at 2:41 pm
Michele,

I feel your pain. My name comes with a variety of spelling options, and I don't think anyone's ever gotten it right on the first try. ("Is that Christi with a "y" or an "ie"?" "Um, neither...") Heck, I have an aunt who, despite thirty-plus years of evidence to the contrary, still insists on tacking an "e" to the end of my name.

I'd also like to chime in on the general dislike of "creative" name spelling. I've seen this a lot in popular names, as if parents think spelling their daughter's name "Madysson" will somehow separate her from the sixty-five other Madisons (and Maddisons, Madysonns, etc.) in her grade level.
Savvy Veteran says:
May 12, 2008 at 10:11 pm
I did a Google search for "Mighkull" (why I did this, I have no idea), and noticed that someone had posted rules 1-4 on an internet message board type thing http://bbs.clutchfans.net/archive/index.php/t-101772.html

They acknowledged that they did not make it up themselves and found it while surfing around the internet, but apparently had no intentions of telling anyone where exactly they found it.
Jarekhye (pronounced like Jarek+kai) says:
June 15, 2008 at 7:43 pm
When I was younger I wished I had a name like John,Bill, Tom because I wanted to be like everyone else. Then in the 2nd grade a teacher wanted to protect me from being teased (which I never was) and started calling me Jarek, I honestly did not mind this until I was in the 5th grade and we got new kid named Jarek Anderson (not his real last name but it started with and A.) and I was then told I had to go by Jarek C. as my last names starts with a C. Well I did not like this at all, I realized that me name was my own and I actually liked my name it made me unique so I quickly told everyone I was to be referred to as Jarekhye from now on.

I junior High and high school, I was teased being called Jherico,Jhericurl, Malachi (thanks to a late night showing of children of the corn) and who can forget the all endearing Jamiroquai. I think it was a good thing, I liked my name so the teasing did not bother me and it helped my to develop my razor sharp wit.

Sure if I wanted to blend in I could have simply stayed Jarek or gone by aerk (eric) or rick or kai but I love my name. I love the I am the only one in the world with my name I no one will ever in history have my exact name. How many people can honestly say no one else in the world has their name.

My point you ask, sure people will judge you by your name. They will see Lemonjello or Lamisha and assume ghetto and black (as if the two always go together) they will look at Jesus or Juanita and think Mexican( cause u know all Spanish speaking folks are Mexican) I could go on but my point is aren't those assumptions based of stereotypes and prejudices? also children don't any better but as adults shouldn't we be beyond making fun of someone for something as personal as their name. Or judging someone by their name?

My experince taught me that I really like my name a lot, Can you say the same ? Do u really love the name Eric? or did u just get used to people calling you that?
ElHuevon says:
July 15, 2008 at 3:08 pm
Hers's some names for your rant:
Heva
Belva
Dorccas
Adam Eve Cain Abel (mexican family in California)
Guys named Maria, ladies named Jose or Jesus
(apparently some mexican states outlawed boys named Jesus or Jose and girls named Maria because overuse and religious reasons. They figured out a way around the law.

DeVerl
LaDerl
Both Utahns
Canyon for a girl

And I know that you will call me a liar but our secretary's niece has twins with the Oranjelo and Lemonjelo names. What stood out was the fact is they dropped the double L, because they thought it was redundant.

I agree with the author, stop misspelling names to make new ones.
AWOL says:
July 15, 2008 at 9:31 pm
Eric- I'm so dissapointed that you mentioned people from Utah and football players but not the children of celebrities. Who names their kid Apple or Pilot Inspector? I'll tell you who... Crazy famous people. On a more personal note my grandmother is named W... That is her full first name. Her parents wanted to name her William after her grandfather but surprise wrong gender! So they decided the easiest way around this would be to name her W.
JeremyB says:
July 22, 2008 at 4:47 pm
I think #15 nailed it perfectly. It is who you are that makes you unique, not the number of vowels and capital letters in your name. Just one example: Michael Jordan. How many Michaels are there in the world? That man took an average name and became someone so great his name will go down in the history of the world. His greatness came from within, not from constantly having to tell people the correct way to spell/pronounce his name. It's hard enough having a semi-normal name ("Jermy Jeremy"), why subject your child to a lifetime of correcting people? Life is hard enough without having to stop and explain how to spell/pronounce your name to every person you meet. Your child should not be ashamed of his or her name.

My all-time favorite: Latrina (The cutest name ever derived from an outdoor public toilet hole).
Becky says:
August 18, 2008 at 3:46 am
My mom teaches outside of Atlanta and has had some pretty incredible names--my favorites are Aquanetta, Shikita (pronounced Chiquita, like the banana brand), Sharrdonnae "like the wine", and El Rio. I have seen the class rosters for all these names, but unfortunately the evidence is gone at the end of every semester.

What say you to dilemmas like Sara vs. Sarah? Is there a "correct" one, or are the names and alternate spellings so mainstream that it doesn't matter?
Michelle says:
September 1, 2008 at 4:05 am
I know a mother who named her child Helaman's Warrior (yes WITH the apostraphe).
a fan says:
September 1, 2008 at 6:02 am
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. You're a voice of sanity in this crazy, sick world of made up stupid mispelled names.

We're having our first baby in a couple of weeks. A little boy. His name will be Joseph after my husband. His middle name will be my maiden name.

Boring? Maybe. But he will be able to buy his name on a wallet or a pencil. People will know how to spell his name. People will know how to pronounce his name.. It's a good strong, normal, name. And that's what I want. A good, strong, normal child.
Seripa says:
September 9, 2008 at 11:47 pm
"Mighkull" reminds me of someone I met working at the local Wal-Mart, by the name of..

Kreg

Which I can't help but think sounds like the caveman/tarzan version of Craig.
Chuckwagon Breakfast says:
September 16, 2008 at 9:50 pm
For a few cruel names, see:
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,390028,00.html

Brief summary:

The name about which the article is written is "Talula does the hula". She is from Australia. A judge there made her a ward of the court so he could change her name into something that was not abusive.

I mean seriously, how bad must postpartum depression get before naming rights are taken away?
Chuckwagon Breakfast says:
September 16, 2008 at 9:53 pm
I'd like to apologize, I reread the article. She's from New Zealand and her name is actually "Talula does the hula from Hawaii". The substance of the article was right, the details were inaccurate.
Erica says:
September 17, 2008 at 9:33 pm
Well, I am several years late commenting on this article, but it looks like people are still fired up about it. The celebretards in the media and self proclaimed "hip" parents that name their kids unique names are living in a bubble. There is probably a bubble in their brains too, taking up valuable thought and logic processing space. I do however, think the names in the obituaries are interesting to read. Did people really find it normal to have a first lady named "Ladybird"? What about Rock, Buzz, or Mitzie? I think these strange names are really cute for old people- but pretty obnoxious when they are for babies. If you have survived the ridicule all your life w/o hanging yourself and managed to not be incarcerated for patricide, you deserve to be an old person with a cute weird name.

By the way, what's with the number of people offering "strange names" being educators with the writing skills of a middle school drop out?

I don't mean to single anyone out, but if you are an educator, you should understand that being "unique" doesn't mean you can type just like the way you speak. That requires no unique skill. And no, I'm no better than you- being able to put people down for their ignorance requires no unique skill either.
Latedra (La-te-dra) says:
September 21, 2008 at 5:51 pm
I totally agree with #51 about how the educators have awful writing skills, especially #34. How could you possibly be a teacher?

I have an "unique" name, and I love it. It doesn't make me upset or bothered when people misspell it or mispronounce it. That just means that they do not know me or my mother, and that is not their fault. I wanted to name my daughter something a little more common, Madisen, but it is spelled differently.

The reason I wanted to name my daughter something more common, is because of the ignorance of this country. I didn't want employers to know exactly what race she is when she becomes older and wants a corporate job. We as African-Americans have to think about these things.

One day, a name will just be a name, and people will not have to have long conversations such as this one. Allow people to be creative without dumping on them.
Janice (the "nice" way to spell it) says:
September 29, 2008 at 11:12 pm
I went to college with a girl from West Virginia named "Chrystall" (pronounced "Crystal"). She had a son who she named "Mar'quix" (pronounced "Markie"). Yes, with an apostrophe. She is not of African ancestry but perhaps her son will make it to the NFL anyway.
Ziggie says:
October 15, 2008 at 4:09 am
Yes, Ziggie is my real name. The girls thought it was so cute all through school. :) Anyways, Yellowjello and Orangejello really do exist. Yes, they live in Alabama, and I happen to know Orangejello. He was at Saint James Baptist on Vaughn Road in Montgomery Alabama once.

Anyways.

My aunt named her frigging kids "Karsyn" and "Dysyn" (Kar-sin) and (Die-sin).
I just looked at her and said "Are you retarded?". Those kids are 6 and they're already nearly in counseling for being made fun of.
susan - nice and normal says:
October 29, 2008 at 5:54 am
I think it's funny that someone mentioned Joseph Smith as a normal name, applauding Lucy and Joseph Sr. Apparently they didn't pay attention to the rest of the family: DonCarlos and Sophronia? Looks like Mormons were giving their kids weird names before the LDS church was even started!

I'm also glad that people mentioned weird Hollywood names (Chastity Bono, Apple Martin, Zowie Bowie, the entire Jolie-Pitt clan...) and the penchant of Southerners to go to the dark side (typical southern names: Billysue and Billybob, Beulah and Remy, need I go on?).

My point is that this name game isn't just played by Mormons, who have only been around for 200 years after all and so can't be held responsible for *all* the madness. It seems that giving children weird names is just one of those quirks of humanity. Better blame God!
Mona says:
November 16, 2008 at 11:48 pm
#52 has a good point which extends to more than African-Americans. Every name gives an impression, and though we call it racist, unfair, prejudicial, etc., it will always be that way. A girl with a cute-sie name like Kylee will probably always be thought less intelligent than she is. A name like LaQuisha will always say 'ghetto'. A train-wreck spelling of any name will unfairly brand a child as having stupid parents, and he/she will be at a disadvantage because of it(Khevahnn rather than Kevin, for example, is going to have a hard time rising above the judgment of others).
L says:
December 4, 2008 at 1:06 am
Actually, "Plaxico" as a given name may sound odd, but "Plaxico" as a surname goes back in America to at least 1790 (see the 1790 Federal Census, York County, South Carolina).

Plaxico Antonio Burress, the football player to whom you referred in your article, was named after an uncle of Woodbridge, Virginia - though I don't know whether the uncle's given name or surname was Plaxico.
John (pronounced "John") says:
December 11, 2008 at 2:53 pm
I have long thought that at least one influence in this naming madness, at least for girls, is porn. It almost seems like young new fathers are hearkening back to their bachelor days by suggesting their old favorite porn stars' or strippers' stage names for their kids, or the young mothers (or both parents) have their heads stuck in "what would your porn name be" game mode.

Just a pet theory of mine. What do you think?
Records Keeper says:
December 16, 2008 at 5:46 pm
West Montgomery High had Lemonjello and Orangello in the late 80s or mid nineties. Here is their contact info. Ms. Blake the main secretary can probably verify this or have this verified. Mrs. Sanders/Saunders taught one or both of them English. She retired around 2003.

West Montgomery High

147 Warrior Rd

Mt Gilead, NC 27306

(910) 439-6191
Daniel says:
December 18, 2008 at 11:17 am
How about this one. A girl's name of Le-a, complete with the hyphen in the middle. Mom became indignant with Le-a's teachers because they kept mispronouncing it. Mom insisted it be pronounced "La dash a." Give your kid a stupid name and then get p.o.'d because no one can pronounce it the way you think it should be pronounced. She'll probably file a lawsuit alleging a violation of her right to have her kid be called a stupid name that doesn't follow basic rules of punctuation and pronunciation. Besides, it is a hyphen not a dash. Moron.
Sarah says:
December 23, 2008 at 2:16 pm
I've always been really annoyed at having the name Sarah. Not only it is INCREDIBLY common, I go to a Christian college and I have a Bible name...awesome. I'm 1 of about 100 Sarah's I personally know. HOWEVER, I do NOT think that having an overly common name is grounds for naming my children something insane. My roommate and I have joked that we're just going to name our children whatever we're craving during pregnancy. Jello and lasagna? I shall call her "Jellagna!" So, yeah, it's sad. My personal favorite strange names include:

Pr'phec (pronounced Perfect)
Corian and Coriann (twins, a boy and a girl pronounced Cory-ahn and Cory-anne)

Also, you should listen to the Brian Regan bit on "Hooked on Phonics" he mentions names spelled strangely. Such as "Amy" spelled "Aymie"
Dawn (no double n or e) says:
April 11, 2009 at 8:52 pm
Jon & Heather "Dooce" Armstrong are bloggers in Utah and Jon linked to the Utah Baby Name page today, which led me to this article.

My husband and I are about to have a baby boy. We are considering all names from our family. Nothing spelled funny or "uniquely" because honestly, as a teacher (with good grammar thank you) I am sick of trying to learn how to spell kids names. And I live in Vermont.

Over the years I have had 4 different spellings of Caitlin; 3 of Mackenzie. This year we have a Jaxon, but in the birth announcements I saw a Jaxson (which I would say Jacks-son). An Alexus and an Aleksander. It does no good to give your child an odd spelling, as you pointed out, they all sound the same. Best "odd" name? Krystal Blue Waters. It is common enough to spell right, but different enough to be unique.

I have always liked my name, because it is common enough that people know how to spell it (occasionally I get "Donna?"), but is not so common I know a million.
Bree says:
April 16, 2009 at 2:45 am
Hilarious, although I'd argue with the double e rule. As Dr. Bree J----, I've never had any problems being taken seriously.
Palad says:
April 16, 2009 at 7:34 am
"In March of 2008, I received a call from a lady named "Kee-On-Tay" (pronunciation). I asked her how to spell it, and she said "Q-U-I-E-O-N-T-A-E." "

The first time I saw this name at a school, all I could thing of was 'Fava beans and a nice...'
Mellissa says:
April 16, 2009 at 9:44 am
Eric, do you really think, with the way that people are nowadays, that there is NO WAY some crazy person out there would hear the story of lemonjello and Orangejello and name their kids that just to be funny? Really? In the day of names like Espn and Apple? Sadly, I think there probably are a set of twins out there who have been saddled with the unfortunate name.

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