The past several weeks, I have spent a lot of space in this column talking about what an armpit Deseret Towers is, and what an absolute goob you’d have to be to live there for longer than your freshman year, but I feel that, in all fairness, I should point out the many nice things about living in Deseret Towers.
One extremely enjoyable activity that we here on the fourth floor of Q-Hall frequently engage in is Playing Card Games Until All Hours of the Night. We usually play in Dwight and Greg’s room, because they are the only two people on the floor who almost always have something better to be doing instead. In fact, that is the only pre-requisite we have to joining in our card games: you must show proof that in playing cards for several hours, you will be neglecting an important assignment. Fortunately, I was able to amend the rules so that now, neglecting to write a humor column counts as well.
Speaking of card games, a few nights ago, Wyck and I were playing cards with Greg (Dwight was asleep, so we played quietly), despite the fact that all three of us had papers due the next day. When we finally stopped playing, at approximately 3 a.m., we all agreed that we were going to go write our papers immediately. So naturally, what we did instead was play a few rounds of Sneak into Somebody’s Room, Stand between the Two Beds, Scream at the Top of Your Lungs, and Run out Again. This is a very fun game, and I would highly recommend that you play it anytime you get the chance, particularly if you know some people with especially weak bladders.
Another fun game, played mainly by Pat and Adam, is called Let’s Irritate Everyone. Pat and Adam are currently playing this game by engaging in a They Might Be Giants marathon, wherein they make use of the fact that They Might Be Giants have released exactly five albums, and Pat’s CD player turntable has exactly five slots in it, making it very convenient to turn on the stereo in the morning and leave it on all day long, so that even while they’re in class, everyone else on the floor can enjoy the thrill that comes with hearing the same five They Might Be Giants CDs over and over and over again.
In fact, I don’t think Pat and Adam even LIKE They Might Be Giants. It wouldn’t matter if they do; they’re never in their room to hear them. But the rest of us get to hear them, all the live-long day, until we’re just about ready to start a new game, called Let’s Throw Pat’s CD Player out the Window, and Then Throw Him out after It.
One game that I’ve been playing for several days is Attempting to Get Shampoo from an Empty Shampoo Bottle. This is because I do not have any money, so I cannot buy a new bottle of shampoo. Instead, I shake and shake the old bottle, trying to get the remaining individual shampoo atoms out and into my hair, and then I try squeezing the bottle violently, the result of which is usually that the bottle squirts out a little shampoo and makes an embarrassing noise in the process.
So as you can see, potential DT residents, there’s lots of fun in store for you if you live here. And I should point out that many of the absolute goobs who live here were absolute goobs even before they chose to stay on after their freshman years.
(Eric D. Snider is a freshman at BYU from Lake Elsinore, California, and he’ll be living off-campus after his mission, thank you very much.)
I still get a kick out of this column. I especially like how I keep referring to my friends casually, by their first names, as if you know them.
I really did like Deseret Towers. We had so much fun; I don't think I've ever been as happy and care-free as I was that freshman year. But I stand by my belief that people should live elsewhere after their freshman years. I mean, come on. Go out and find your own friends; don't have them assigned to you.