Some people think that I am a poor driver, but this is not even remotely true. Yes, I’ve been known to exceed the speed limit somewhat, and I have, on occasion, driven on what would technically be considered the sidewalk, and it is true that I did, in fact, strike a chain-link fence that probably was not moving very fast with the front end of my car. But this does not make me a poor driver. This makes me a fun driver.
I am such a fun driver, in fact, that my friends are always asking to go places with me. I would estimate that I have driven my friend Aaron a total of — and this a rough estimate — four hundred thousand miles in the year that I have known him, but I don’t mind, because I know he has so much fun driving with me.
“Eric!” he’ll shriek, clutching my arm. “Wasn’t that a stop sign?!?”
“I don’t know!” I’ll respond. “Ha ha ha!” What a jolly time we have!
Anyway, knowing what you now know about my driving habits, what would you guess my first traffic ticket would be for? Speeding? Reckless driving? Killing an elderly gentleman in a crosswalk? Not even close. I received my first ticket for an illegal left turn. Care to hear the story? Too bad.
Back in April, my friends Aaron, Nick, and Colby and I decided we should go to the movies in Temecula. Naturally, they asked me to drive because they knew what fun would be in store for them. Also, none of them have cars.
So I was in Temecula, driving south on Ynez Road, and I turned left into the enormous shopping center in which the Edwards Cinema Zillionplex is located. I have turned left there at least, I’d say, one million times. Unfortunately, a sign had just been posted a few weeks before insisting that no, I can’t turn left there, but I did not see this sign and I turned left. Fortunately, a fine, upstanding member of the police force, someone whose duty is to protect us, was sitting there, literally miles from a donut shop, alertly on the lookout for potential dangers to the general populace, and she saw me make that extremely hazardous left turn, and I do not blame her one bit for pulling me over and giving me a ticket and making us miss the movie, because she was just trying to protect me. In this case she was trying to protect me from doing something convenient and natural, something I had done a million times before, but I do not blame her and I am not bitter, nor do I resent being ticketed by a woman.
Nor do I resent having to go to Traffic School. I mean, you can see why Traffic School would be particularly effective for me. It had been nearly 14 months since I took driver’s education in school, and goodness knows I must have forgotten everything I learned if I could do something as flagrantly and rebelliously illegal as failing to see a brand-new “No Left Turn” sign in the dark. What a renegade scofflaw rebel I must be, not thinking to look for a sign where there had never been one before!
Next week, I’ll tell you all about Traffic School. If you’re lucky.