The Titanic Song

SUNG BY: Eric D. Snider
LEO: Joel Bishop/Adam Boulter
KATE: Lauren Keller
CAL/ICEBERG/MISC.: Lincoln Hoppe

I saw “Titanic,” that big-budget chick flick
I admit, it wasn’t that dumb.
When the film was over and I went to stand up
That’s when I learned my butt was numb.

Three hours —
My legs have lost power!
I believe that this movie’s too long.
A watery grave,
When it was done I had to shave.
I was stuck in this film
And this film just goes on and on.

The movie’s getting sadder as there’s discomfort in my bladder
All this talk of “water” isn’t good.
The captain’s brave and deadpan, while I need a bedpan.
I had three Cokes; that’s more than I should.

Jack says that he loves Rose, so she takes off her clothes
It’s OK — it’s PG-13.
I guess it’s not a factor that Leo’s a lousy actor,
His talents aren’t the focus of that scene. (spoken: If you catch my drift.)

Kate Winslet
For an Oscar was nominated
Just because her clothes didn’t stay on.
Kate’s a ‘ho
For DiCaprio
There’s no morals in this movie —
And this film goes on and on.

(instrumental, during which the ocarina player goes insane and is shot)

Get my gun —
It’s Celine Dion!
Her dang song makes this movie too long.
She wails, she shrieks,
My ears ring for weeks,
Her song’s just like the movie —
They both just go on and on.