2011 film titles: a dramatic reading


    And now, a playlet in which the dialogue is composed entirely of 2011 movie titles.

    [Outside a bar at closing time. People are waiting in line for taxis. A MAN sidles up to a WOMAN.]

    MAN: What’s your number?
    WOMAN: I am number four.
    MAN: Arthur.
    WOMAN: Hanna.

    [They shake hands.]

    MAN: [gesturing to his car] Monte Carlo. Real steel!
    WOMAN: [unimpressed] Something borrowed?

    [Despite the WOMAN‘s lack of interest, the MAN plunges ahead.]

    MAN: Cold weather! [pause] Everything must go… [he gestures to his car again]
    WOMAN: Abduction?!
    MAN: No strings attached!
    WOMAN: One day. The future. Another earth.
    MAN: Don’t be afraid of the dark!
    WOMAN: [considering] The dilemma: Contagion? Unknown.
    MAN: Just go with it!

    [She considers his offer. She does find him attractive, and it is getting late…]

    MAN: 30 minutes or less.

    [She still isn’t sold.]

    MAN: Fast five.
    WOMAN: [sighing reluctantly] Take me home tonight.
    MAN: Win win!
    WOMAN: [to herself] The art of getting by…

    [He opens the passenger door for her.]

    MAN: Your highness.

    [They get in.]

    WOMAN: Drive.
    MAN: In time. [seeing pedestrians in the crosswalk] Madea’s big happy family!
    WOMAN: Drive angry! Like crazy!
    MAN: A dangerous method!

    [She puts her hand on his thigh.]

    MAN: [shrugging] Crazy, stupid love…

    [He runs over the pedestrians. The WOMAN is impressed.]

    WOMAN: Courageous! Footloose! Limitless!
    MAN: [regretful] Beastly. Shame.
    WOMAN: [seeing an acquaintance on the sidewalk] Martha Marcy May Marlene!
    MAN: The girl with the dragon tattoo? Young adult? Zookeeper? I don’t know how she does it!
    WOMAN: We bought a zoo.
    MAN: Super!

    [They arrive at her home, a charming two-story.]

    MAN: Dream house! [he sees a silhouette in the window] The help?
    WOMAN: We need to talk about Kevin.
    MAN: The roommate?
    WOMAN: Friends with benefits.
    MAN: Sucker punch.

    [Suddenly a bright light fills the sky. Loud ALIEN VOICES boom in the night air.]

    ALIEN VOICE 1: Attack the block!
    ALIEN VOICE 2: Mars needs moms!
    MAN: Take shelter!
    WOMAN: I am!

    [They run inside the house.]

    MAN: Sanctum!
    WOMAN: I saw the devil! Extremely loud and incredibly close!
    MAN: Insidious immortals!

    [The ALIENS attack and kill everybody. The end.]