Angry Letter: Dumb people don’t like having their dumbness pointed out

Because I was tired of people asking me for celebrities’ e-mail addresses — even though nothing on my site implies I would have them — I put a warning on my e-mail page saying this:

STOP: If you are going to ask Eric how to contact a celebrity, DON’T. Eric has no such information for ANY famous person. If you ask him anyway, despite this warning, Eric will write back and tell you how stupid you are. And he’ll be right to do so.

There has been a distinct drop-off in e-mail-address requests since then, but I do still get one occasionally. And when I get one, I do indeed respond and tell the person how stupid he or she is.

Here is the latest:

Hi! I just want to know the e-mai adress of elizabeth winstead. Plaese! Can I have it?? I promise I will not give it to anyone because I also care for her privacy.. Please reply! She is really beautiful and I like her very much. I just want her to be my friend. I’m one of her biggest fans!! I would really appreciate your kindness!!


I replied:

The page you just e-mailed me from says this:

[I repeat the above-quoted warning.]

So: You’re a very stupid person. It says specifically that I don’t have contact info for any celebrity, and yet you asked me anyway. That is stupid.


Angel replied:

Oh!!! I’m sorry and CHILL!!!! Don’t call me stupid bcoz i’m not been raised as a stupid one bcoz im studying and im a scholar and also a valedectorian!!!!! So please be careful of your words!!! Bcoz some1 is being hurt!!!! Thank u, anyways!! For your politeness!! And remember that im not stupid! its just a simple question though!!! I asked only for the e-mailadd of mary elizabeth! You can reply Nicely!!DUH!!! Who are you anyway and are you close to mary elizabeth winstead???

Sigh. All that, and she STILL thinks I know Mary Elizabeth Winstead’s e-mail address. I don’t even know who she is! (An actress, apparently. I’m guessing she was in a movie I reviewed, but I don’t feel like looking her up.)