Our series on Bad 9-11 Poetry is over (check the archives to relive the magic), but a faithful reader named Katie sent in this gem that is just as bad. It was a wedding announcement in The (Logan, Utah) Herald Journal for Kimi Wiser and Pete Harris, and for some reason it was written in rhyme. I don’t know what they were thinking, but it demands to be read by a wider audience.
* * * * *
If you want to hear of their fortune and fame
It all started when they met at a soccer game
He thought she was hot she thought so too
But after the first date it was through
He was scared she didn’t care
Being just high school seniors they didn’t dare.
Years later he went on a mission
All the way to Korea a far away nation
When he got home she went on one too
Down to San Diego where the ocean is blue
They forgot each other were alive
Who knew their love would survive.
She had finished school a long time ago
He on the other hand was going real slow
Then one day they finally met, again
Then marriage wasn’t a question of how, but when,
They didn’t like each other quite at first
But between them love soon burst.
Now they have the chance to say
That they are happy to announce this special day
To all those far and near
That this happy day is finally here
March the Tenth is the day to remember
In the Logan Temple where marriage is forever.
Parents of the groom: Buddy and Carol Harris
Parents of the bride: Steve and Teresa Wiser
I… just…
Wow.
Mother Goose herself would vomit.
I love the twist ending.
I tried, but I just couldn’t make it all the way through… I am embarrassed that a fellow human was responsible for this.
“They forgot each other were alive.”
’nuff sed
“Then one day they finally met, again
Then marriage wasnÂ’t a question of how, but when,
They didnÂ’t like each other quite at first”
Let me get this striaght, they didn’t like each other, but marriage was inevitable anyway. Wow!!!!!
What is it about bad poets that makes them think that “poetry” simply means “make sure the last word of each line rhymes.”
I could puke
this poem is such a fluke
I should get back to work now
I will exit with a flourish and a bow.
It is just my dumb luck
That Eric would post this muck
That tastes like a hockey puck.
Like Bush, it’s a lame duck.
You say, don’t be a schmuck
But I think this poetry sucks.
I’d give a sawbuck
For someone hit the poet with a truck.
It was better than Cats… I will read it again, and again.
The Herald Journal of Logan is well-known in my wife’s family for having the most interesting wedding announcements. They get a kick out of printing them off and reading them out loud to everybody. Sometimes you get poems. Sometimes you get what might be better classified as obituaries because of the way that they go over every detail of the couple’s life.
Blargh
“He thought she was hot she thought so too”
Is this an acknowledgement of how stuck up she is/was?
This is the “Plan 9 From Outer Space” of wedding announcements.
I could only read 5 lines…
I’ll come back later when I’m feeling stronger.
@BeeDub: That was the very first thing that occurred to me as well. I love the implication that she was a total stuck-up narcissist.
Wait… I’m still trying to get “Harris” and “Wiser” to rhyme.
“If you want to hear of their fortune and fame”
Sure, why not?
“He thought she was hot she thought so too”
That was arrogant of her.
“All the way to Korea a far away nation”
I think that Korea is TWO far away nations.
“Down to San Diego where the ocean is blue”
Yeah, that’s the weird thing about San Diego. Blue ocean.
“But between them love soon burst”
…and splattered all over them and their clothes.
“In the Logan Temple where marriage is forever”
As opposed to those temporary marriages they have over in the Saint George Temple.
Um, what happened to the fortune and fame?
The best part is that these two will soon be procreating.
YES! Someday, when my daughter gets married, THIS is exactly what I want to do for the announcement! I LOVE bad poetry (it’s the only poetry I am capable of writing), and I’ll bet whoever wrote this particular gem loves bad poetry too! I’m of the opinion that whoever wrote it knew it was bad, and didn’t care. At least it doesn’t have the stink of pretentiousness and self-importance that infested 9-11 bad poetry.
There once was a hot girl named Kimi
Who didn’t think Pete was too slimy
So they got together
I predict stormy weather
But they’re married for eternity, not timey.
“. . . between them love soon burst”? Good grief.
Harris doesn’t rhyme with Wiser . . . .
I want my money back.
Sorry, Eric, but among the recent writings on ericdsnider.com I think my favorite was the post above by your mother. I read it at work, and the tears of mirth were rather embarrasing.
Just wait for the official release of the song. Nickelback’s going to pick this one up quick.
My favorite color is orange
So I’m writing a poem about orange
It’s so very pretty
But I guess I’m not witty
Cause I can’t think of rhymes for orange
Dammit.
Why, thank you, whome!
Wow.
I know this girl. She dated a friend of mine. She is actually as shallow and haughty as the poem puts forth. She’s one of those people who never really ‘left’ high school. Kudos to Eric for giving this poem the recognition it deserves.
I thought this poem was an urban legend and here you are with proof of a source.
I know both of them. I work(ed) with Pete.They’re great and I know this is old. But this was a classic. HA! Terrible poem.
That is rude you guys put up a photo of them — I hope you got permission from the couple.
The photo appeared with the announcement in the newspaper.
That doesn’t matter! You don’t own the copyright! Just because they gave permission for the Herald Journal to publish it doesn’t release it into the public domain.
No, but it does mean I don’t need the couple’s permission to reprint the photo. By turning it over to the Herald-Journal, they gave the paper the right to publish it and republish it, forever and ever. In turn, it’s generally considered legal for websites to post thumbnail reproductions of photos found elsewhere on the Internet, including newspapers’ websites. At any rate, if anyone had legal grounds to prohibit my reprinting of the photo, it would be the Herald-Journal, not the couple themselves.