Angry Letter: ‘White Chicks’

In response to my review of “White Chicks” — the worst movie of the year — I received this e-mail:

I thought the movie was very humorous. The jokes were hilaroius and if that didn’t catch your attention then the horrible make-up did the trick. [Ho ho, I didn’t say the movie didn’t catch my attention. Most train wrecks are pretty attention-grabbing.] Their demeanor when “made-up” was funny enough by itself. The theme was a one of a kind and it was just an overall good movie. No, it wasn’t the funniest thing i’ve seen but it definitley gets my vote. I think some of the co-stars in the film attributed to the movies success. Your reviews sucked! [Apparently, I wrote many reviews of this movie.] You have a bias opinion because obviously you don’t like the wayan brothers work if not all of black comedians productions. Not every comedy needs a punchline it could just be funny! Stop writing these remarks.. it’s not fair to be so damn bias.

Feeling especially mischievous, I replied to the writer, whose name was Lana, with this:

“Thank you for the very stupid e-mail. My readers enjoy reading angry letters written by illiterate people, so I know they’ll love yours.”

Lana replied thus:

before you reply pehaps you’d like to think about what you’re saying. Do you
know what illeterate means? Get a real hobby

I have never been more delighted in my life than the moment when Lana accused me of not knowing what “illiterate” means, and misspelled “illiterate” when she did so. I gave this reply:

“Yes, I know what it means. According to the dictionary, it’s ‘Violating prescribed standards of speech or writing.’ For example, misspelling the word ‘illiterate,’ as you did, or any of the other 10 mistakes you made in your initial e-mail. So yes, I know what it means, and yes, you are it. But I’m glad you liked the movie.”

She did not reply to that, alas.