A few months ago my friend Luscious Malone and I were visiting our friends Pants and Mrs. Pants at their home in Las Vegas. For some reason, Luscious wanted to know what I would leave everyone in the event of my death. And so my tentative Last Will & Testament was made out, with the following items left to the following people:
Smacky: Satellite and TiVo
Luscious: The Laotion children who work in my sweatshop; the Bic four-color pens that I carry with me at all times
The Clarks: My churchy books, DVDs of “Six Feet Under” and “24”
The Pantses: Tapes of “Simpsons” and “Seinfeld”
My parents: My fake plastic dog Junko, all my credit card debt
My brothers and sisters: ??
The Eric D. Snider Foundation for the Performing Arts: All original works and compositions
It was also noted that the funeral luncheon would include chocolate fudge Pop-Tarts, because Luscious Malone believes that to be my favorite food.