Eric’s Sack of Mail: Loretta is not a prude!

I got an amusing e-mail from someone regarding my review of the film “Children on Their Birthdays.” You almost certainly have never heard of this film. I’d forgotten about it. There was a press screening for it in the summer of 2002, and it was supposed to be released soon thereafter. Then it got pushed back and pushed back, and it was finally released on Oct. 18, 2002, but only in a handful of theaters. I don’t think it ever even played in Utah, where I lived at the time and where they had the press screening for us.

Anyway, I guess it’s on video now or something, because a woman named Loretta watched it, loved it, and took issue with my review. Her e-mail doesn’t qualify as an Angry Letter, but it is enjoyable for other reasons:

I think you are way off base on this movie, “Children on Their Birthdays.” It was delightful and a breath of fresh air compared to the movies of today. We enjoyed that movie so much a I am going to buy it. Sick of the blood, guts & foul talking movies of today. And why do we have to watch stupid people smoke stupid cigarettes in movies today? I usually get bored with them and turn them off and read or paint. Boring stuff today. After you have heard the “f” word 60 or 70 times it is sickening.

Wish there were as many of this type of movie as there is the trash movies available. I would be in heaven with something good to watch!

And I am a far cry from being a prude, Loretta

Now, I’m pretty sure the word “boring” doesn’t mean what Loretta thinks it means. Movies are often violent and bloody, and I guess they’re sometimes dull. But I think where Loretta says she gets “bored” with them, she really means she gets “offended” or “disgusted.” I do find it unlikely that someone would be bored by, say, “Terminator 2,” yet enthralled by the plot-free and pointless “Children on Their Birthdays.”

Also, Loretta is the only person I have ever heard complain about the amount of smoking in movies. I guess she’s whom the Motion Picture Association of America was thinking of when they recently announced that they would start taking onscreen smoking into account when determining films’ ratings. (The lunacy of that announcement is the subject for another blog.)

Finally, Loretta’s last line made me laugh. The way she put her name on the same line as her closing sentence made me read it as: “I am a far cry from being a prude, Loretta!,” like she thought my name was Loretta, or like “Loretta” is a common nickname like “Sparky” or “Buster” or whatever. I ain’t no prude, Loretta!

Also, it’s worth noting that Loretta probably really is a prude. I mean, come on. She gets offended by smoking!