‘I’m not a whore,’ says famous whore Pete Hammond

SHARE

My friend Erik Childress runs an ongoing feature at eFilmCritic called CriticWatch, in which he keeps track of the critics’ quotes used in movie ads. When you see all the quotes listed, it becomes apparent which critics are reasonable and which ones are shamelessly praising everything they see just so they can get quoted. We call those people quote whores.

One of 2007’s busiest whores was Pete Hammond, recently fired from Maxim magazine, which decided it didn’t need a film critic since the only reason anyone buys the magazine is to look at pictures of ladies’ boobs. Hammond’s praise was quoted in ads for 88 films in 2007.

He has zero credibility within the film critic community, and probably not much more among movie-goers in general. Yet for some reason Rotten Tomatoes chose to profile him in the latest installment of its “Meet a Critic” feature. Imagine there were a “Meet an Actor” feature somewhere, and they chose Tara Reid. That’s what we’re talking about here.

In the article, RT’s Jen Yamato (who I met at Sundance last year, and she’s a sweetheart), asks Hammond about the CriticWatch thing. He replies, “I am aware [of it], but I don’t respond.” He then spends a paragraph responding.

One of his theories is that Childress is just really jealous that he doesn’t get quoted more often, and that’s why he’s so upset that Hammond does. You may recall that this is the same argument used by teenage girls who are angry that you have made fun of “Titanic.”

But the hilarious part of the interview is when Yamato asks if he really likes all those movies. He gives the expected defense — yeah, he really likes them — and then says this:

I don’t think you have seen my name on the true crap Hollywood churns out. Sometimes I am just astounded that they can find ANYONE to give a good notice to movies like “The Brothers Solomon” or “Awake” or “Perfect Holiday” or “Are We Home Yet?” or “Daddy Day Camp” or” Saw 2, 3, 4″ etc etc but somehow there always seems to be someone out there to quote.

Did you catch that? He only recommends genuinely good movies. It’s the OTHER guys who are quote whores, recommending bad stuff like “Daddy Day Camp” and “Are We Home Yet?” (a movie that does not exist).

“I don’t think you have seen my name on the true crap Hollywood churns out.”

Really, Pete? Here are some of his quotes from last year, along with the percentage of reviews for those movies that were positive (according to Rotten Tomatoes):

“Premonition” (8%): A gripping psychological thriller that will have you guessing from start to finish.
“September Dawn” (13%): Gripping and fascinating … A pulse-pounding experience that is bound to create waves of controversy.
“The Game Plan” (27%): “A comic touchdown for The Rock!”
“P.S. I Love You” (21%): “A romantic comedy straight from the heart.”
“El Cantante” (23%): “It’s hot stuff. Jennifer Lopez and Marc Anthony set off fireworks. Lopez has never been better. El Cantante scores big time.”
“The Condemned” (15%): “It packs enough red-hot fiery action for six movies.”
“National Treasure: Book of Secrets” (33%): “Heart-pounding action! Total entertainment from start to finish!”
“The Number 23” (8%): “A must-see movie.”
“The Bucket List” (41%): “A must-see film that audiences will love…. Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman are at the top of their game.”
“Trade” (27%): “A movie that should – and must – be seen.”
“Hannibal Rising” (15%): “The new year’s most terrifying thriller… The most electrifying thriller of the year… An absolute shocker in every way imaginable.”
“Wild Hogs” (15%): “Hysterically funny!”
“The Heartbreak Kid” (29%): “Ben Stiller’s funniest film. Brace yourself for an outrageously hilarious comedy. This kid hits the comic bullseye!… It creates so many huge, and we mean humungous laughs you’ll probably have to see it more than once just to catch all the dialogue.”

Whew! Good thing we haven’t seen his name on the true crap Hollywood churns out!

SHARE