The return of dumb comments

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One of the reasons I used to admire Defamer.com was that you had to basically audition to be allowed to post comments. If you weren’t sufficiently literate, witty, and intelligent, they wouldn’t let you post. (They seem to have eased up the restrictions in recent months.) If I weren’t eager to increase traffic to my site — which is the one and only reason that any website allows comments — I’d implement such a system myself.

But in the meantime, here are some of the dumb things that dumb people have said in recent weeks.

(P.S. Most of you post comments that are smart and useful and contribute to the discussion! Really! Keep doing it! And especially, keep coming back to see if anyone has responded to you! That’s the important part!)

DUMB COMMENTS POSTED AT ERICDSNIDER.COM

“Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed”:

Hey Ericdsnider,

i want you to go into a office and say something about God you will soon see that almost everyone will stop talking to you. but if you talk about Darwinism they start asking questions. Ok Ericdsnider i want you to get out a $1 bill there something wrote there. Something that deals with…..GOD not Darwin. Maybe Everyone needs to remember what our fore-fathers based America on.

[The problem with Creationism isn’t that certain elements of it are incompatible with science. It’s that so many of its followers are semi-literate idiots.]

* * * * *

“Iron Man”:

“IRON MAN WAS A BLAST!” You people on this site are “PICKY PICKY PICKY.”

I’m glad this wasn’t a la “CUTESY SPIDERMAN MOVIE.” Finally Hollywood comes out with a movie for everyone. Iron Man is funny, serious, has great special effects,

a great soundtrack and terrific acting by Robert Downey Jr. “WHAT MORE DO YOU WANT?” [He has a point there. Once you have a great central performance and a great soundtrack, the other elements — like plot, direction, supporting performances, screenplay, sets, costumes, makeup, lighting, editing, and cinematography — really don’t matter.] Hollywood came through this time people. You can really tell they tried to please all ages. I can no way complain. Iron Man was pure entertainment and “THIS TIME” I give Hollywood credit for their effort and Eric you should have too with a “A” review rating. “Shame on you!”

[Sometimes I put “quotation marks” around things because I think “quotation marks” are used for “emphasis.” And “shame on you,” movie critic, for failing to hold the same “opinion” that I “hold”!]

* * * * *

“Speed Racer”:

If you did see the cartoon and don’t like it, then why the hell did you go to see the movie…. [“What? You mean there’s actually a job you can have where you go see movies and review them, even if you don’t like them? When did that start?!”] If you see the cartoon you will love the movie….love it…. yes the trailer was very bad….but go and see the movie….. it has nothing to do with the that bad made trailer. The ones that say that it have a bad story, Then you just stay criticizing that it has too much color through all the movie , great history, and if you did not like the cartoon or at least see it, you can’t understand why the movie is like it is.

That movie is a great adaptation of the cartoon… you will rememorate the anime series… a perfect fusion between the human world and the bidimentional japanese world, comedy, dramatism, thriller, and all that good old memories….. truly great.

Remember if you didn’t even see a chapter of the anime,don’t care if you like it or not…. then you are incapable of understand why is the way it is… so please go and see a freaking chapter and then think about the movie.

[You will rememorate the anime series!]

* * * * *

“Speed Racer”:

THE CARTOON IS AWFUL. LITERALLY A PILE OF CRAP. FROM THE 60’s.

[Literally: I do not think this word means what you think it means.]

* * * * *

“Sex and the City”:

I’m very upset with your review! Although I didn’t finish your whole review, I get it. [Yeah, I stopped reading your comment right about here, too.] I’ve watched all the seasons and I’m a hardcore fan, I don’t think you should have seen the movie if you never watched the show. [“Ideally, the theater would have someone quizzing you before you could buy a ticket, to make sure you’d seen the show. But for now, you’re just on the honor system.”] The show is more than “four superficial, materialistic women prancing around New York City”. There’s humor, events that most could relate to, drama, sex gossip, its much more than just fashion and girls being materialistic. I loved the movie, it was a perfect ending in my eyes, rather than just five epidosdes tied together. When I saw the movie the theater was packed with mostly women, of all different ages, and a few men, I really wouldn’t expect a straight man who didn’t watch the show to like it, so why would you see it? Sorry for the length but I was heated with all the bad reviews, and yours was a low rating so I decided to take my anger out on you haha. That’s all.

[Getting angry because someone didn’t like a movie that you liked is, I believe, the very definition of dumb. Is there really nothing in your life that warrants anger, so you have to go looking for something?]

* * * * *

“Sex and the City”:

Yes it is your job as a movie critic, but why would you even bother writing up a movie review for a movie you know you wouldnt be intersted in and wouldnt understand, it just makes it confusing for the fans who want to see it.

[We had several comments along these lines with “Sex and the City,” and some of the confusion is not entirely unjustified. However, this poster earns extra points. First, she claims to understand that being a movie critic is my job — which means I get paid for it — yet still doesn’t understand why I wrote the review. (Hint: Because I get paid for it.) Second, how is a negative review confusing for fans, especially if those fans have already decided they want to see it? Is my review somehow making them unable to see it? Is it clouding their minds with doubt?]

* * * * *

“The Strangers”:

This movie sucked. If this scared you then you might need to make an appointment with your gynecologist Mr. Snider. [Because as everyone knows, being frightened by a movie is often an early warning sign of cervical cancer.] The review you give of this movie discredits your entire site.

[Doh! My entire site of 2,300 movie reviews, discredited by one review with which the reader disagreed! I had no idea so much was riding on this.]

* * * * *

“The Strangers”:

I thought that it was one of the most frighting movie’s ever. I felt bad about the ending. I felt really sorry for the couple. I thought that the acting was very good. I have seen ALOT of “scary” movie’s but this one was very scary.

[The unnecessary apostrophe in “movies” — twice! — and the construction of “a lot” as one word — in all caps! — are pretty common abuses of the English language and not really noteworthy. But this person submitted the comment four times, so when I looked at the moderator queue, here were all these annoyances staring back at me, multiplied by four. Highly dispiriting.]

* * * * *

“Meet the Browns”:

Well, obviously, Eric doesn’t even know how to do his job, considering the fact he doesn’t even understand the concept of the film. Tyler Perry is giving his message to people all over the nation but unfortunately, there are some who’d rather rate the high or low class of the film. I feel so offended to know that there are people who feel this way about Tyler Perry’s films. [The existence of differing opinions offends you? How does a person like that even function in life?] Perry teaches us to love even when we have no more left in us, to forget, to forgive, to get the past out of the way and let you live you live the elated life you deserve to live. If Eric doesn’t understand that, maybe he shouldn’t write reviews, nor see Tyler Perry films. [Oh, I understand what Perry is doing, all right. He just doesn’t do it very well. That is what movie critics do: describe how well a filmmaker does something. I feel so offended to know that there are people who don’t understand this.] Nor Tyler Perry nor his fans care about a man’s no good, low quality, incompetent reviews on a film that opened up at Nunber 2, with $20,082,809 in its opening weekend! [Why do people always say “nobody cares what you think anyway” when the very fact that they’re posting a comment proves that they DO care?]

Let him critisize Tyler Perry, he’s just mad he can’t get on his level.

[By the way: This was in response to a positive review.

This comment is noteworthy because the writer manages to hit all three dumb points that are often made by dumb people who are angry about a review. To wit: “No one cares what you think anyway”; “The movie is popular, so it must be good”; and “You’re just jealous of his success.” The dumb response trifecta!]

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