The stupidest message ever posted on the Internet

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People have been posting stupid messages on the Internet for as long as the Internet has been around, maybe longer. I always thought it would be hard to single out the single stupidest message.

Until now.

As you know, I often post dumb e-mails written to Raven-Symone by fans who don’t realize the address they’re using is not actually her address. I post those e-mails here in this blog. On Saturday, someone named “Shanae” stumbled across one of the batches of Raven e-mails and posted the following comment. Read it carefully.

hello whoever this is,

i just wanted to say, you are so SICK TO ME. i mean you are saying raven fans are idots and they are not. that is making raven look like a bad person. raven if you ever read this you just lost a fan because of this fake person. i thought i should become a fan of tia and tamara mowery. i am just saying, whoever you are,since the people that write to the FAKE E-MAIL ADDRESS are stupid,you are just making yourself look like a bigger dumbie. i am so sorry raven for saying that but it is true. if you ever get the time, look at what this person is saying online. look at what your number 1 fans are saying. nobody should even e-mail you because of this stupid person. i dont even care if you show this e-mail to your friends,family,and husband this e-mail because it is not going to hurt me. you can thank this SICK PERSON FOR ME WRITING THIS LETTER.thank you and have a nice day or night. i am still going to be a fan but you are my 3rd favorite person in the world.

I marvel at the stupidity exhibited here. Every single sentence is a treasure trove of bizarre leaps in logic, faulty reasoning, and outright dumbness. Here are the elements of stupidity that I’m able to identify:

• Some parts of her comment are addressed to me, and other parts to Raven. She tells me that by posting fans’ dumb comments I am only making myself look dumb. Then she apologizes to Raven for saying that. Wait, what?

• Somehow she thinks that saying Raven’s fans are stupid makes Raven look like a bad person.

• Somehow all of this causes her to stop being Raven’s fan, and somehow it’s my fault, like she has no control over it.

• She also has no control over her comment-posting; it was reading all the dumb e-mails that forced her to do this.

• Posting other people’s dumb e-mails makes me look dumb.

• “If you ever get the time, look at what this person is saying online.” Well, if Raven is reading this comment, then obviously she has already seen what I’m saying online. That’s sort of like saying, “If you don’t get this message, let me know.”

• Despite the top of the page saying “Eric’s Blog,” and despite the URL being EricDSnider.com, Shanae has no idea who is responsible for this website, or even that person’s gender.

• The implication that she has to choose to be a fan of Tia & Tamara Mowery (twins who were in the ’90s sitcom “Sister, Sister” and some Disney Channel projects) or Raven-Symone, but she couldn’t possibly do both.

• Calling someone a dummy but spelling it “dumbie.”

That’s what I’ve come up with. Can you spot any other signs of blatant stupidity? I think this is the kind of thing that’s so deeply layered you’ll find something new every time you read it.

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