Two more Erics that I am not

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Not me.

The latest development in dumb people e-mailing me is People Who Think I am a Famous Eric. I told you a few weeks ago about the person who thought I was Eric Bana. And now we have two more instances of this phenomenon, bringing the total to three, which makes it a bona fide trend!

First came this e-mail, apparently addressed to Erik Per Sullivan, the kid who played Dewey on “Malcolm in the Middle.”

The subject line: “Eric please write back.” The e-mail:

Hi! Well I have some questions. Do u really like asian and Japanese food? And are u really getting reddy 2 turn 16? Well hey do u ever meet people that u like 2 keep in contact with on the computer? What do u like 2 do for fun when u have time off? Sorry if im asking 2 much. well if u dont write back I understand. Well happy erly B-day.
I have just turned 16 to.
And I am Quarter Japanese. But I dont look it, but my sister does.
Oh hey do u like eney sports? I am writting a report about u for a summer school class. On my favorite actor.
What is ur favorit band? And what is ur favorite tv show. Mine is Malcolm in the Middle. LoL. No really it is. I watch it every time it is on.
One more question how did u get started in actind?
Oh, sorry I lied there might be a few more questions. LOL
What school do u go 2?
What is ur favorite actor? What is ur favorite animal? Well mine is Horses. I have 2. Sorry I thought u were bored with just asking u questions so I threw in a comment. Ok my sister cant say H. LOL Just joking. Oh my sister has a crush on Justin Berfield. Just saying. Ok true fact I think we should keep in contact just as friends. Cause I think we have some things in common. Well of what I have read we kind of do have some things in common. Some of my friends think we have things in common. Cause I do love asian and Japenese food. Well im sorry I wrote so much. well type me back please. Your friend Alyssa

Delightful, no?

A few days later, I got this e-mail from someone with a Russian e-mail address and an even more Russian name.

I whant to say “thank you” for so exellent playing in the picture “Lie with Me”. I got a lot of pleashure, because I did not see so good imaging of Love yet.

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Also not me, though I could do worse.

We could sit here all day and make fun of this foreigner’s tenuous grasp on the English language, but that would be fruitless. What baffled me, at first, was the movie in question, “Lie with Me.” Usually dumb people e-mail me because they read a movie review I wrote and thought either that I had access to the actors in the movie, or that I WAS one of the actors in the movie. But I have not reviewed anything called “Lie with Me.”

So I checked IMDb and sure enough, there was a Canadian film by that name (apparently a very sexually explicit one) that played at film festivals but was never released in the United States, not even on DVD. And the lead actor? Eric Balfour, best known for his appearances on “Six Feet Under,” “24,” and numerous other TV shows. Evidently the Russian girl thought she was writing to him. What remains a mystery is how she navigated to my site in the first place, since I hadn’t reviewed “Lie with Me” and have barely mentioned Balfour anywhere else.

And the question on everyone’s lips now: Which Erics and Eriks will I be mistaken for in the future? And why do people think clicking “E-mail Eric” on a site called will take them to anyone other than Eric D. Snider? Stay tuned to find out!

(P.S. You might think it would be funny now to send me an e-mail in which you pretend to mistake me for a famous Eric, but trust me, it wouldn’t. You can’t force this kind of thing!)