The “Eric’s Bad Movies” feature at Film.com is three months old now, and it’s time for me to request your help once again in coming up with appropriate selections for the column. Many of you gave suggestions when I first announced “Eric’s Bad Movies,” and I’ve used a few of them and plan to use a few more. So I appreciate your help! And now I want more of it!
The column’s archives are here, so you can see what I’ve already covered. Beyond that, I have a few rules for the types of films that are most useful. I reserve the right to break these rules (except #1 and #2) if I want to; they’re more like personal guidelines. For example, despite rule #3, I think there might be some “Batman & Robin” in my future. But if you’re suggesting titles, try to keep them within these parameters.
1. It needs to be bad. And not just bad, but really bad. Mediocre won’t cut it. A film that is merely mediocre is a waste of my time.
2. It must have been released in theaters. No straight-to-video releases or made-for-TV movies.
3. It must be a film that I have not already reviewed. All my reviews are archived here and can be sorted alphabetically, if you’re unsure. A good rule of thumb: If it was released theatrically in the 2000s, there’s about a 99 percent chance that I reviewed it. Last time we did this, someone — I’m not going to name names — kept suggesting one already-reviewed film after another. Like, five or six different posts. I started to think she was doing it on purpose, the rascal.
4. There should be very little (if any) controversy over whether it’s a bad film. The instant the reader sees the title, he should think, “Oh, man, I heard that was terrible!” That way we’re all on the same page right from the start. So even though you may have personally hated “Titanic,” you must accept that it is beloved by many people, ordinary citizens and film critics alike, and is thus not suitable for my purposes.
5. It should be a movie that most people will have heard of, if not actually seen. Avoid the obscure.
6. Especially prized are dramas, action movies, and horror movies — anything other than comedy, basically. It is very hard to mock a bad comedy, because the movie already isn’t taking itself seriously. Often all you can really say is, “Boy, this movie sure isn’t funny!” But a serious movie that goes wrong will lend itself to plenty of ridicule. I’m not saying don’t suggest comedies at all, just that they should be used sparingly, in times of famine.
I know these rules drastically reduce the pool of potential selections, so I understand if you can’t come up with anything. Mostly I’m looking for help remembering titles that for some reason have thus far eluded me, titles that make me say, “Yes! Of course! Why didn’t I think of that?”
Thanks for your suggestions!
P.S. “Howard the Duck” and Vanilla Ice’s “Cool As Ice” are not available on DVD. If they were, believe me, I’d have already hit that.