Greetings, friends! ‘Tis I, fictional Internet character Eric D. Snider! I would like to update you on what is happening in the realm of Snide Remarks, the weekly column I write in the English language for people who can read English.
A while back, I ran a Kickstarter campaign to fund the production of 50 Snide Remarks columns. I am pleased to report that last week’s entry, “Requiem for a Chair,” was the 50th. My obligation is complete. And only three and a half months later than originally promised!
Here they are, added to the archives as #619-668. These last 50 all have audio versions now, too, except for a few where the format of the column makes it unfeasible. I’ve been enjoying recording those more and more recently, especially the ones that are written as monologues anyway. It’s like I get to perform but without anyone having to see me!
And may I add that audio versions were not even part of the original contract. Threw those in for free, I did! That is added value for you, the customer.
Do I wish to continue writing Snide Remarks? Indeed I do! But must I make money writing it? Indeed I must. Such is the life of a professional writer: always needing to get paid for writing.
The Kickstarter thing worked well last time. Those who wanted to pay a dollar or five or a hundred for 50 Snide Remarks columns cheerfully (I assume) did so. Those who preferred not to contribute didn’t have to — and they still got to read the columns! Everybody was a winner.
Soon I’ll be launching a new Kickstarter campaign for another cycle of 50 columns. It’ll work basically the same as the last one, with a few tweaks. It will start soon. Don’t worry, once it starts it will not be possible for you not to know that it has started.
In the meantime, Snide Remarks is on hiatus. Think of it like a TV show. We ran 50 episodes, and now we’re on break until the new season starts. Except that the new season won’t start at all unless the people who make the show raise enough money. I even ended the last column on a cliffhanger, on purpose, just to mess with you. Better pony up the bucks, readers, or you’ll never know what happened to the chair!!
All laffy-laffs aside, I hope the regular readers know that I love writing Snide Remarks. There are things I write just for the money, but Snide Remarks isn’t one of them. I’ve been writing Snide Remarks since 1997, and similar weekly columns under different titles since high school. But I hope you also understand that as someone who makes his living as a freelancer, I can’t afford to write something regularly without getting paid for it, no matter how much I enjoy it.
Consider your gynecologist. You think she doesn’t love performing hysterectomies? Of course she does! That is why she became a gynecologist, because of the thrill she gets pulling uteruses out of ladies. But she still has to make a living. (The same applies if your gynecologist is a “he” not a “she.”) She cannot just go around doing hysterectomies in her leisure time. I mean, now and then, sure. At a party or whatever. But in general, we writers and gynecologists have to make a living.
So anyway, Kickstarter, coming soon. Thanks for your support. I love each one of you deeply, to the point that it is uncomfortable.
UPDATE: As threatened, the Kickstarter is up and running from now till July 20!