In a rare lapse from the Happy Madison production company, it would seem that Adam Sandler’s latest work, “Just Go With It,” is riddled with logical flaws. This is the impression we get from watching the trailer, anyway. Please spend 150 seconds of your time reviewing the trailer for yourself and join us as we enumerate…
The Logical Problems Presented by ‘Just Go with It’
1. We are to understand that Adam Sandler’s character — we do not know his name, so we are going to call him Adam Sandler — gets hot chicks to sleep with him by pretending to be stuck in a terrible marriage. At the risk of sounding boastful, we are personally acquainted with several hot chicks, and not one of them would be more inclined to have non-committal sex with a man simply because the man was sad about his failed relationship. The likelihood becomes even more remote when you factor in that the man looks and behaves like Adam Sandler.
2. Our understanding is that when it comes to one-night stands, charm and good looks are your greatest assets. This is why George Clooney has one-night stands all the time and former “Saturday Night Live” cast members do not.
3. Except David Spade. We admit that this defies logic.
4. Adam Sandler’s plan backfires when he meets a woman he actually wants a relationship with, and he’s stuck with the lie that he’s married. Obvious solution: tell her he’s divorced. That’s why his wedding ring was in his pocket, not on his finger. There, we found a logical way out of it, and we’re not even serial liars. Why does Adam Sandler, who lies habitually, tell her he’s ABOUT to be divorced? That is abundantly more complicated.
5. Even if we grant that, in the sitcom world inhabited by Adam Sandler, the best solution is to have his platonic lady friend pretend to be his soon-to-be-ex-wife, we do not find it logical that his platonic lady friend would be Jennifer Aniston. We can envision no universe in which Adam Sandler and Jennifer Aniston are even acquainted, let alone one in which she is willing to do absurd favors for him.
6. You know who would participate in a shenanigan like this with Adam Sandler? Tara Reid. Anna Faris. Cameron Diaz. Any of the Jessicas.
7. Then the situation becomes even more complicated when the hot chick hears Jennifer Aniston refer to her children and naturally assumes that these are the children Jennifer Aniston and Adam Sandler have together, in their soon-to-be-dissolved marriage. Obvious solution: tell her they are foreign exchange students living here only temporarily, not part of the long-term plan, she doesn’t need to concern herself with them or meet them or anything like that. See, again, we are not even pathological prevaricators, and yet we have come up with an easy and plausible explanation that quashes the subject the moment it’s raised. Adam Sandler’s solution: Well, now Jennifer Aniston’s kids have to pretend to be HIS kids, just long enough for the hot chick to meet them.
8. Why in the blessed name of Jack Tripper does the hot chick want to meet Adam Sandler’s soon-to-be-ex-wife? If all she wants is verification that the marriage is over, a simple phone call or brief visit would suffice. We find it illogical that a hot chick would insist on spending an entire evening with the future ex-spouse of the man she’s considering dating.
9. These kids are terrible. They wouldn’t have been permitted to live this long in real life. They’d have been sold to gypsies. The one who smashes his head into Adam Sandler’s crotch, then yells, “That man put his pee-pee on my face!”? Ugh. Make us an offer, gypsies.
10. The trailer does not reveal how the film ends, but there is only one outcome that is logical: the hot chick learns of Adam Sandler’s deception and never speaks to him again, and Jennifer Aniston is humiliated by the caper and also never speaks to him again. (Let’s be honest, never speaking to him again is the only logical resolution for most Adam Sandler movies.) If “Just Go With It” has the courage to embrace that logical scenario, we rescind all our previous objections.