The Wayans Brothers’ spoof film “Dance Flick” finally opens this week after being pushed back from February, no doubt thrilling the 20 or so people who are looking forward to it, all of whom have the last name Wayans. For the rest of us, we thought it might be enlightening to see a transcript from the pitch meeting where the Wayanses convinced the people at MTV Films to finance the project.
WAYANS #1: Yo, yo! Check it! We gots a mad crazy idea for a movie, dawgs!
STUDIO EXEC #1: Uh, the cameras aren’t rolling. You don’t have to act like that.
WAYANS #1: Oh. Right. Sorry. Anyway, we have a fantastic concept for a film that we hope you’ll be interested in financing.
STUDIO EXEC #2: Please proceed.
WAYANS #2: It’s a spoof of dance movies.
STUDIO EXEC #3: Brilliant! Let’s do it!
STUDIO EXEC #1: (whispers to #3)
STUDIO EXEC #3: Sorry, I jumped the gun. Let’s hear a little more about your insane idea before we greenlight it.
WAYANS #3: Well, you know how there have been a lot of dance movies lately? Like “Step Up” …
STUDIO EXEC #1: That came out three years ago.
WAYANS #3: … and “Save the Last Dance” …
WAYANS #3: … and “Flashdance.”
STUDIO EXEC #1: Are you kidding me?
WAYANS #1: We thought it would be really funny to do a spoof movie of all those dance movies!
STUDIO EXEC #3: Brilliant! We’ll cut you a check!
STUDIO EXEC #2: Hang on, hang on. What would the plot be?
WAYANS #2: That’s the best part. The plot will be the same as Save the Last Dance, except we’ll make fun of it!
STUDIO EXEC #1: And how will you “make fun of it?”
WAYANS #2: Oh, the usual ways. We’ll re-create a familiar scene from “Save the Last Dance,” but have it end with someone getting punched in the face or falling down.
STUDIO EXEC #3: That’s comedy gold!
STUDIO EXEC #2: That’s very astute satire! I hope the audience is savvy enough to follow where you’re going with it!
STUDIO EXEC #1: I like it. Maybe some people are dancing all fancy-like, but then one of them gets hit in the crotch??
WAYANS #1: Hey, now! Don’t try to write the screenplay for us!
(Merry laughter all around.)
STUDIO EXEC #1: That’s true. “Disaster Movie” was so bad it actually caused the death of everyone who saw it.
STUDIO EXEC #2: I heard about that. Eight people dead. So sad. And your own “Scary Movie 2” was terrible.
STUDIO EXEC #1: True. So how will this dance movie be different?
WAYANS #2: We’ve thought about that, and we figured out a way to distance ourselves from those awful spoof movies. Instead of calling ours “Dance Movie,” we’ll call it — are you ready for this? “Dance Flick.”
STUDIO EXEC #2: Oh. My. Fart.
STUDIO EXEC #3: I am literally peeing my pants right now, and it’s at least partially related to how excited I am.
STUDIO EXEC #1: This is the best pitch we’ve heard since the one we heard earlier today, which was also about spoofing dance movies.
WAYANS #1: Fantastic! The screenplay is already finished and ready to go!
STUDIO EXEC #2: What? I thought you said you were still developing it!
WAYANS #1: We were! When we came in here, all we had was an outline. But we left it sitting here on the table, and while we were talking, it literally wrote itself.
(Holds up 90-page script. All look on in awe.)
STUDIO EXEC #1: Gentlemen, we are through the looking glass.