From the makers of “The Singles Ward” comes a hilarious new Mormon comedy called “It’s Funny Because It’s True.” We have obtained a top-secret copy of the script, which we thought was strange, since “The Singles Ward” didn’t even HAVE a script.
SCENE: BYU CAMPUS
McKAY: Hey, Spencer, want some Jell-O?
SPENCER: Only if it’s green and has shredded carrots in it.
McKAY: We Mormons sure eat a lot of Jell-O!
SPENCER: It’s funny because it’s true!
GORDON JUMP: I played a child molester on “Diff’rent Strokes.”
McKAY: Hey, here comes that girl I like.
SPENCER: She sure is pretty. She’s an eight-cow woman, for sure.
McKAY: I’ll say! Her friend, though, is not as pretty.
SPENCER: You might say she has a “sweet spirit”!
McKAY: Ha ha!
SPENCER: It’s funny because it’s true!
PORTER ROCKWELL: I do not approve of violence.
CLOWN: (honks nose as he cartwheels past) PRETTY GIRL: Hello, guys.
UGLY GIRL: Hi!
SPENCER: Hey.
McKAY: The four of us ought to go on a double date. We should hike the Y, or go to Hogi Yogi, or eat Jell-O.
SPENCER: Dude, you already talked about Jell-O.
McKAY: Fetch!
J. GOLDEN KIMBALL: I wish you would watch your language.
McKAY: Well, let’s go watch a show at one of the many community theaters, then.
DONNY OSMOND: I don’t like musical theater.
PRETTY GIRL: Yeah, that would be totally fun.
UGLY GIRL: Yes, let’s go on the double date! I’m unattractive, and I think of nothing but getting a husband!
FRESHMAN: (in puberty voice) Hi, guys. I just got my mission call! I’m going someplace bland and unexciting, but I’m pretending it’s awesome.
McKAY: It’s funny because it’s true!
SPENCER: People really do that!
ORRIN HATCH: I’m a famous Mormon politician.
PRETTY GIRL: He’s right! He is!
SPENCER: It’s funny because it’s true!
McKAY: Hey, we’d better take off. It’s almost time for Family Home Evening. (to camera) Get it? Family Home Evening?
SPENCER: It’s funny because you mentioned a thing I’ve heard of!
FRESHMAN: I’m going to buy some suits, and then I’ll enter the MTC.
McKAY: Once you’re there, you can’t date girls anymore.
SPENCER: It’s funny because it’s true!
MERLIN OLSEN: Anyone remember me? Anyone at all? Hello?
UGLY GIRL: Young children go to Primary!
PRETTY GIRL: And sing songs!
SPENCER: My oh my, that is funny.
McKAY: Funny because it’s true.
PRETTY GIRL: I went to Relief Society, and the sister teaching the lesson put a centerpiece on the table.
UGLY GIRL: That’s what always happens!
SPENCER: Your mentioning it is a funny thing!
ORSON SCOTT CARD: Why aren’t there any good LDS writers?
McKAY: It’s funny because it’s true!