We have some serious problems at BYU, and I’m not talking about the rats in Lee Bartlett’s office. I’m talking about people who draw too much attention to themselves in public.
Of course you remember that I addressed this issue a few weeks ago. You probably took notes, in fact. But I have more examples to share. I feel that the more we discuss this important issue, the greater the level of awareness we’ll have, and the sooner we’ll be able to get back to addressing such weighty issues as Lee Bartlett’s office, which as you know is infested with rats.
When I wrote on this topic before, I mentioned the Stereo Girls, who forced everyone to listen to their music at the pool this summer. I forgot to mention, though, that there were also two girls at the pool who wore bikinis. Now, really. Who at BYU actually wears a bikini? From a societal standpoint, you might just as well show up with pierced nipples and a Mohawk. I’m not saying wearing a bikini is necessarily WRONG — although in the case of one of these girls, it definitely was — I’m just saying that around here, where it’s against the Honor Code, and against the rules that were posted at this particular pool, how could you possibly have enough self-confidence to wear one? Surely these girls knew that all the guys would be staring at them (except for one of them, whom we all tried not to look at); did they really want all the GIRLS staring, too, wondering why they were wearing bikinis? What possible advantage is there to wearing a bikini that would outweigh the disadvantage of being stared at the entire time? Maybe some people like being stared at, but I don’t. When I see someone staring at me, I assume there’s something wrong with either me or them, and it’s usually me.
I used to work at Denny’s, so of course I’m used to seeing odd-looking people. There is nothing inherently wrong with looking different from everyone else. One of the great things about this country is that you can do whatever you want and, provided you don’t go to the University of Wyoming, no one will harass you. I have no problem with people who want to look different.
The problem is when those people go out of their way to look strange, and then get upset when people stare at them. If you’re going to look like a freak, you have to expect to be treated like a freak. It’s one of the basic laws of life. I remember one night at Denny’s, a group of six guys came in dressed as women. These were scrawny, pasty-faced guys to begin with; as women, they were even more unappealing. The fact that they were dressed as TRASHY women did not help any. They wore black nail-polish and fish-net stockings and reeked of K-Mart perfume. I tried to imagine where they had been before coming to Denny’s — where does a guy go dressed like a cheap woman? — and then I tried NOT to imagine it, because some of the things I was imagining were bothering me.
I knew the guys, sort of; they came to Denny’s frequently, though they had always been men before. So I knew they were relatively nice people, and reasonable tippers. And yet seeing them like this really, REALLY disturbed me. It’s not that I was afraid of them now — I knew they were the same guys as before, and that they put on their fish-net stockings one leg at a time like every other guy — but their appearance affected my attitude toward them. They were so eerie-looking that I honestly couldn’t look at them for more than a few seconds at a time, in much the same way I can’t watch Adam Sandler for very long.
But it wasn’t just me. Everyone in the place was giving them funny looks. Even people who knew them well (though apparently not as well as they thought!) regarded them differently. I’m not saying we were right or wrong in thinking of someone differently based on the way they looked in public; I’m just saying that’s what happened, and that it’s human nature to do it.
My main point is that the guys were bothered by everyone looking at them like they were weirdos. But why? Surely they realized that dressing like women was different from the social norm. I suspect that to look different was one of the main reasons they dressed that way in the first place — or at least one of the reasons they came to Denny’s, instead of just going straight home from wherever they had been (I am NOT thinking about that, I am NOT thinking about that, I am NOT thinking about that….). I’m not denying their right to dress like women; I’m just saying that in so doing, they HAD to expect to be looked at funny. If you choose to do something weird, you have to expect weirdness in return. And frankly, you shouldn’t choose weirdness in public, because it makes you the center of attention when you have no reason to be.
And it’s not just dress and grooming that people use to draw attention to themselves. They also do it through their actions. In an example that may or may not be related to the last one, there are two guys in the Smith Fieldhouse weightroom who are always dancing. Not the Macarena or anything — it’s more of a fruity Broadway musical type of dancing, with actual steps that they seem to have picked up somewhere. One minute they’re doing manly things like squatting and benching; the next minute they’re prancing around like they’re in “Joseph and His Freakin’ Dreamcoat,” or whatever. Now, in other contexts, two guys dancing like pixies would be OK. For example, in a dance class, or at certain clubs in West Hollywood. But not in a weightroom. There’s a social protocol we have to follow here: You just don’t dance in a weightroom. Period.
It’s not that men shouldn’t dance (although a case could be made for that); it’s just that they shouldn’t do it in the weightroom. And it’s not that men shouldn’t dress like women (although a case could be made for THAT); it’s just that they shouldn’t do it at Denny’s. And it’s not that women shouldn’t wear bikinis (although a case could be made for that, very strongly with some of them); it’s just that they shouldn’t do it at a BYU-approved apartment complex.
And why shouldn’t they do these things? Because in so doing, they draw attention to themselves that doesn’t need to be drawn. They make other people HAVE to notice them. And I don’t know about you, but I already have enough things to notice and consider and think about, not the least of which is the army of belligerent rats that has taken control of Lee Bartlett’s office.