The 10 Types of Internet Comments

The evolution of the Internet has led to almost complete interactivity, so that today when you read a blog, article, or column, you can usually post a comment in response to it, thus letting the world know what you think. This is an improvement over the old system, where the world didn’t know what you thought. Can you believe life was ever like that?

What’s interesting is that even though there are approximately 1.5 billion Internet users in the world, 98 percent of their comments fall under one of the following 10 categories. Which type are you??


I was recently at a party where the host, a friend of mine, showed us a picture taken in a photo booth. The picture was of the host’s wife and the lead singer of the Spin Doctors. The photo booth was located in a neighborhood bar near where the couple used to live in Chicago, and the incident occurred many years after the Spin Doctors’ fame had subsided. The Spin Doctors guy, so the story goes, was heavily flirting with my friend’s wife, which was sad because he was a married man, and also because he was the lead singer of the Spin Doctors and what could be sadder than that? Somehow this photo was taken as a souvenir of the incident. You can even see the big seal upon his jacket.


1. That’s funny!
— Pleasant, Albeit Non-Substantive, Feedback

2. Too bad your friend didn’t have a pocketful of Kryptonite!
— Look at Me! I’m Funny, Too!

3. I agree! I hate photo booths, too!
— Missed the Point Entirely

4. Spin Doctors! I used to hear their song “Two Princes” on the radio all the time when I was in high school!
— Has Nothing to Contribute But Couldn’t Stand the Thought of Passing Up an Opportunity to Type Words on the Internet

5. That reminds me of the time I met Edie McClurg at a Safeway in Los Angeles. I wrote about it on my blog [link].
— Self-Promotion

6. lol what is spin doctors itz a band or sumthin??????
— Teenage Girl

7. lol u reminded me of collage becuz thats when i use 2 here spin doctors all the time!!!!!!!
— Not a Teenage Girl, But Wants Everyone to Think He/She Is

8. Yet another unfunny post. I hope you’re not getting paid for this.
— Hates This Website But Keeps Visiting Anyway

9. You know, the lead singer for Spin Doctors is a human being, too. You shouldn’t make fun of people just because they used to be famous and aren’t anymore. We can’t all be world-famous celebrities like you.
— Offended by Proxy for Those Targeted by the Joke

10. Chicago, eh? I’m surprised they didn’t stop in to hear a sermon by REV. JEREMIAH WRIGHT!!
— Fixated on Something Unrelated and Writes About It at Every Opportunity

See the comments below for the 11th type: "You forgot about...." [Except I eventually deactivated comments altogether AND NEVER LOOKED BACK.]

The Spin Doctors anecdote is true, by the way.