The Fanboys Respond to ‘Romeo and Juliet,’ 1595

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o my lordz and ladiez i am soooo excited 2 C shakezpear’s new play tonite! i totes luv this story! i just hope he don’t ruin it!!

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i hath my doubts… shakesqueer hath ruined many stories before… i hateth his “comedy of errors” becuz it differeth so much from the ancient Roman plays on which ’tis based… also, shakesqueer is gay.

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forsooth, b****es, methinks Romeo & Juliet hath replaced Taming of the Shrew (I mean LAMING of the Shrew) as the vilest concoction mine eyez have beheld upon the london stage… methinks seriously, WTF?

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OMG this is the worst play EVER… hath william SUCKspeare even READ the narrative poem it’s based on?????

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i have read the poem this came from lotz of timez and it is rilly good but this pley is terrible!! Juliet isn’t supposed to have green eyes!!! what were they thinking??

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ROMEO AND JULIET BOTH DIE AT THE END!

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all ye haters must needs chill out. i knoweth not about thee, but i goeth to the theatre for an evening of merry-making. ye who over-analyse such entertainments are geeks.

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the actor who playeth romeo is a man of great muscle and handsome face, which leadeth me to conclude that this play is the greatest ever performed.

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’tis a sad and awful thing to make a play of a real tragedy… do not the families of the real romeo and juliet protest this thing? hath the Globe Theatre no scruple’s but to make entertainment from the death’s of two young, hot people?

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duz anyone knoweth where i can procure medicines such as those given by the apothecary in this play? when it maketh juliet to appear dead, that is some rad s***.

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the end made me cry lol

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in my mind i always imagined what romeo would look like, and he didn’t look like this. therefore, this play is awful.

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omg this play be so stupid. why doth the 2 familys fight one another? play should of explained why!!!!

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shakespeare’s early works were things of beauty and marvel. i had not seen a play of his in many a year. i awaited this new work with bated breath. now i find my anticipation is misplaced, for not only hath he wrecked the story of romeo and juliet, but he hath sullied my recollections of all his prior works. WILLIAM SHAKESPEARE RUINED MY CHILDHOOD!!

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fakespeare should stick to historical tragedies. he knoweth not how to write about teenagers.

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I encamped nearly a fortnight outside teh Globe Theater for the premier of Shakespeare’s latest. I was not dissapointed. It is definately among the finest works ever devised on the subject of murder-suicide. If you like it not, I am forced to conclude that thou art retarded.

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thou art the retarded one, for thou hast decided beforehand that thou wouldst love the play no mattereth how bad it may be. thou art a deluded fanboy, and also, your gay.

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surprise, surprise, suckspeare hath ruined another one! he hath made mercutio to be romeo’s best friend, e’en though in the real story they hardly knew each other. suckspeare’s obscene ignorance filleth me with rage!!! i hope teh Globe Theatre catcheth fire and that william suckspeare dieth in it.

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i have seen none of the plays supposedly considered the “best” plays, but i knoweth that this one surpasses them all!!!!! it maketh me to cry and to swoon and to look at romeo a lot for he is beautiful to look upon lol.

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Francis Bacon would of done a better job.

"Obscene ignorance" is a phrase I saw in a message board thread somewhere. The writer was speaking of a girl he knows who, despite claiming to be a Batman fan, was unaware of the real story on who killed Bruce Wayne's parents. This fellow decried her "obscene ignorance" and spoke of nearly throwing the table over in disgust. And you thought people like that only existed in parodies!

Unnecessary apostrophes, "your" for "you're," "would of" for "would have," "definately" for "definitely": Spending time on the Internet is like stabbing myself in the brain over and over again with a thousand tiny knives.

The content of this column loses much of its flavor when spoken rather than written, so there's no SnideCast recording.

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