Friday movie roundup & fate bemoaning (Jon Voight’s and mine)
Sure, there are five new wide or semi-wide releases this weekend, but don’t feel overwhelmed! Only two are worth seeing. You can ignore the others completely. Thank goodness!
The good ones are “The Bourne Ultimatum,” which is every bit as good as its 2004 predecessor (I note that most of my review of that movie applies to the new one, too); and “Hot Rod,” a very odd and baffling comedy that will either make you laugh a lot or else have absolutely no effect on you whatsoever.
Then there’s “El Cantante,” a biopic about salsa singer Hector Lavoe, whom I’d never heard of and who, if this film is to be believed, must have been a selfish, sallow-faced, uninteresting lout; “Underdog,” the live-action version of the old cartoon, which is approximately as bad as you’d expect it to be; and “Bratz,” based on the line of slutty dolls for young girls, which is even worse than you’d expect it to be, if such a thing is possible.
Worth noting: “Bratz” and “Transformers”: both live-action movies based on dolls; both featuring Jon Voight in supporting roles. Yes, the same Jon Voight who’s won a Best Actor Oscar and been nominated for three others. That Jon Voight.
Dawn and I were discussing this the other night. Why would Jon Voight agree to appear in these silly movies that are based on toys? Our theory is that he gets huge boxes of free toys in payment, which he sends to orphanages in foreign countries, thus greasing the wheels when his estranged daughter Angelina Jolie goes orphan-shopping. He and Angelina have been on the outs for years, and she wants nothing to do with him. This is his way of being involved in her life: helping her purchase orphans by bribing local officials with boxes and boxes of free American toys. Angelina has no idea, of course. If she knew her father was helping her get these kids, she would be furious. As it is, poor Jon Voight silently pulls the strings so that he can have more grandchildren — grandchildren he’ll never be allowed to visit. Poignant, really.
What’s that you say? You were hoping I sent out a free weekly e-mail with all the latest reviews, DVD releases, and other movie-related merriment? But I do, friend! It’s called “In the Dark,” and you should totally sign up to receive it!
What’s that you say, different person? You like to hear about new movies and DVD releases, but the act of reading is burdensome? You, too, are in luck, old chum! For there is a podcast version of “In the Dark,” too, this week’s edition of which can be heard right here! You can also subscribe to it here.
That is all I have to say to you right now. Have a nice weekend! I am seeing “Daddy Day Camp” tomorrow morning, so remember me in your prayers and burnt offerings.
August 3rd, 2007 at 12:33 am
Apparently, Jon Voight is the godfather of one of the Bratz girls, which might also have something to do with it.
I like your explanation better, though.
August 3rd, 2007 at 6:52 am
We saw a preview for “Daddy Day Camp” when we went to “Ratatouille,” and were horrified. You have my deepest sympathies.
August 3rd, 2007 at 7:07 am
All this fury and September Dawn hasn’t even been released yet. This Summer is shaping up to be a John Voight crapfest.
August 3rd, 2007 at 8:01 am
You think John Voight has it bad, look what happened to Ben Kingsley. He went from Ghandi to a Uwe Boll film.
August 3rd, 2007 at 10:56 am
Whether or not I agree with your reviews I gotta give you credit for having good taste in music. of Montreal are great, one of my favorite bands!
August 3rd, 2007 at 10:58 am
Daddy Day Camp. Whew, just when I thought you couldn’t get any worse than a summer containing Wild Hogs, Transformers, and Bratz…. You get a sequel without any of the original actors, writers, or director…. And then, it is directed by Fred Savage. Poor guy. I wonder how long it will be until he discovers what a sad, sorry state his career has ended up in. And then shoots himself in the face. Same goes for Cuba Gooding, Jr.
August 3rd, 2007 at 11:13 am
Do tweenage girls write angry letters? Oh, I hope so. I just can’t wait.
August 3rd, 2007 at 1:41 pm
Jon Voight was actually promoting the movie on Fox News Fox & Friends this morning. Normally the actors in paycheck roles don’t want to do a whole lot of that so I hope the godfather thing is true.
And remember that he was in Anaconda, a crapfest if there ever was one.
August 3rd, 2007 at 3:32 pm
“Anaconda” was NOT a crapfest! (Geez… I sound like Scott Weinberg…)
Anyway, it’s kinda hard to see Jon Voight go from “Midnight Cowboy” to this over the years.
August 3rd, 2007 at 6:58 pm
Haven’t you been paying attention, David Manning? Voight, in addition to assisting his estranged and highly tattooed daughter with her numerous foreign adoptions, is following the time-honored Shakespearean path blazed by Sir Laurence Olivier. Before his death, Sir Larry, perhaps the greatest actor of his time, starred in some remarkable garbage in the last part of his career–even stuff based on novels written by Harold Robbins. This is now apparently a natural career progression for actors who haven’t saved enough of the money they were making when their names meant something.
August 3rd, 2007 at 9:48 pm
I know one of the kids in Daddy Day Camp, I’m sure it is a fine movie, and [unprovoked rudeness toward other commenter deleted]
August 4th, 2007 at 11:45 am
Aw, man. What did Deirdre say? Was it as good as some of the angry letters to Eric?
August 4th, 2007 at 9:01 pm
Actually, “Anaconda” *is* a crapfest, but it just happens to be a delightful one that I enjoy thoroughly. I never get tired of laughing at Jon Voight’s wink.
August 4th, 2007 at 10:18 pm
I like to think that while “Anaconda” was being made, the people who were making it *knew* they were making something that wasn’t even remotely original or above par, and that they were having a great time doing it (a la “Eight Legged Freaks,” or Wes Craven’s “Cursed”). And yeah, that winking-while-falling-over bit never gets old.
August 5th, 2007 at 3:13 pm
Does anybody else think Bratz look like Zandozan, the bounty hunter from “The Last Starfighter?”
August 5th, 2007 at 3:20 pm
[If you can edit this into my last post as a link, that would be great. If not, don't worry about it.] By the way, you can make your comparison here: http://i177.photobucket.com/albums/w201/docatrs/IMG_0553_1.jpg
August 5th, 2007 at 6:07 pm
Yeah, Anaconda is definitely a crapfest — but I’d contend that it’s a very amusing one.
If a movie is entertaining by accident, it’s still entertaining.
-s