Children’s Letters to Raven-Symone XV
(For complete background on this feature, read the introduction here. But here’s the gist: I registered a fake e-mail address for actress/singer Raven-Symone and announced it here, with the disclaimer that it wasn’t real, figuring dumb people would ignore that part and write to it anyway. And I was right.)
I thought we’d have a lot of e-mails regarding Raven’s new film “College Road Trip,” but there was only one that mentioned it, and it was an otherwise unremarkable e-mail, so I didn’t include it. Instead, it’s the usual mix of butchered English, logical puzzles, and references to Raven’s weight. Enjoy!
CHILDREN’S LETTERS TO RAVEN-SYMONE
Jan. 12, 2008:
THE FIRST THING IM GONNA SAY IS………..OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT IM ACCTUALLY TALKING TO RAVEN SYMONE HERSELF!!!! [You're not!]
LET ME JUST INTRODUCE MYSELF,MY NAME IS TASNEEM AND IM FROM UAE [United Arab Emirates]
IM UR NUMBER ONE FAN IN UAE [possibly true],AND EVEN IN THE WORLD!!!!!!! [probably not true]
I WAS SOOOOOOOOOOOOOO HAPPPY WHEN I SAW UR SITE!!
EVERYDAY, AT NIGHT WHATEVER DAY IT IS,I WATCH UR SHOW AND I CANT MISS AN EPISODE!!!
UR RLLLY MY FAVE AND WHAT I LIKE BEST IN U IS UR GD NOT LIKE THOSE OTHER CELEBS,U DONT WEAR CLOTHES THAT R OPEN AND SHORT CUZ FOR US THAT IS BAD, AND U DONT DO BAD THINGS,FOR PPL WHO R ARABS ITS BAD AND U R THE MOST ONE THAT DOZNT DO THAT
I RLLLLLY LOVE WATCHING UR SHOW CUZ ITS SOOOO FUNNY!!AND ITS SOO NICE IN EVERY WAY,I WILL BE SO HAPPY IF U ACCEPT ME ON MSN AND ACCTUALLY TALK 2 ME BY URSELF NOT SOMEONE ELSE
I RLLLLLY WANT TO TELL U THAT IF UR SHOW STOPS I WILL DIE CUZ I LUV IT SO PLZZ KEEP ON DOING NEW SHOWS FOREVER!! [Gulp. For heaven's sake, don't tell her that the show was canceled last year and the final episodes aired in November!]
U R MY FAVE CELEB PLZ STAY LIKE THIS AND DONT CHANGE AND BECOME BAD LIKE THE OTHERS LOOOL ["Laughing out out out loud"?]
PLZ COME TO THE UAE SO I CAN MEET U AND HOPEFULLY TAKE A PIC WITH U AND GET UR AUTOGRAPH!
PLZ PLZ ACCEPT ME ON MSN AND TALK WITH ME
AND PLZZZZ REPLY TO THIS EMAIL BY URSELF CUZ THAT WILL MEAN A LOTT TO ME PLZ DONT TLL SOMEONE WHO WORKS FOR U TO ANSER IT!!
LOVE,
UR NUMBER ONE FAN
TASNEEM
[You are the most one that doesn't do that!]
* * * * *
Jan. 17, 2008:
Hi Raven,
My name is Malak I am 10 years old and i am from Egypt and if you don’t mind can you please tell me why you are kicked out of Cheetah girls but please trust me i keep secrets and don’t forget i loved THAT’S SO RAVEN so much and can you please tell me why on the inter net they call you a bad person and please answer me back and my e-mail: [e-mail address] so please answer me back I want us to be best friends and you know why put waterballet because i am a famous water ballet player and can you tell me all the e-mails that you have that belong to stars for example zack Efron’s e-mail so Iam counting on you to send me back an e-mail
so buy! and nice meeting you!
[I believe water ballet is what's more commonly known as synchronized swimming. Evidently they have this in Egypt, and evidently 10-year-olds can be famous for doing it. P.S. Zac Efron's e-mail is efron.zac@gmail.com.]
* * * * *
Jan. 25, 2008:
hey rae,i hope this is the right address.If not please write back and tell me!!!! at [e-mail address] thank you for being a great person.
[Must Raven's fans always present such perplexing conundrums?]
* * * * *
Jan. 27, 2008:
Hi Raven,
are you really Raven or is someone (your agent) answering? Please
tell me the truth.
Raven can we be friends Please we can be e-pals because i don’t have any friends cause I’m home schooled, and i Love you so Much I Watched every episode you made i love the part 1 and 2 of when you visit your cousin and hillbilly family. So BYE
LOVE YOUR NUMBER 1 FAN,
Jessica
[There is nothing sadder than a home-schooled child looking for friendship from a celebrity she'll never meet. Well, unless that home-schooled child also had cancer. That would be sadder.]
* * * * *
Feb. 1, 2008:
Hi Ms Raven Im Anthony [last name] , Im 19 years of age and Im in college for design . I have always wanted to chat with you , but I could never find your email address on the web. But now that Ive found you I hoped we could chat and get to know each other before you have to much on your plate lol
I would love to hear from you
your Friend and Fan Anthony [last name]
P.S This is me [And here he includes a picture of himself. He's a good-looking kid. He could probably get plenty of dates with real women he actually knows. I'm just sayin'.]
Later that day:
Hey rav it’s anthony I just want to say have a great weekend !!!
your friend and fan anthony [last name]
P.S your not fat
[Oh yeah? Then what was that crack about having "too much on your plate"??]
* * * * *
Feb. 5, 2008:
What are you doing today Raven!!! Also what is your real phone number?????????????From your best friend Sydney
[I'm gonna go out on a limb and guess that Raven's best friend probably already has her real phone number.]
* * * * *
Feb. 5, 2008:
hey raven why didn’t you e-mail me ? now i’am mad at you again. please e-mail me. this is your godchild remeber lemria elementry but now i’m in middle school in your home town. you came to my house .you probly forgot . cause it was like in 2007 in august. well bye. oh and my frien will e-mail you . and she will say hi i am you stocker. she just playing with you .
* * * * *
Feb. 12, 2008:
Hi Raven why do you never not e-mail me back so e-mail me back!! Thank you
[Not true! Raven has consistently not e-mailed you back!]
* * * * *
Feb. 14, 2008:
Hi Raven sis,
Wishing you a very ‘Happy Valentine Day’to you. I am your teen girl fan(15 yrs.) from India(Delhi).I read in class 11th with science subjects. I want to become your friend.You are a perfect and ideal girl for all your fans and other people for acting. I want to know that from where you have learnt the fantastic acting which you did in your superhit show ‘That’s so Raven’. I really copy you all the time because I love your acting and ofcourse you.
I have loaded your many photographs but I want your some latest photos from you which I have requested you earlier.
Please reply me.
* * * * *
March 15, 2008:
[This one is so annoying I had to take a screenshot of it and show you exactly how it looked.]
March 26th, 2008 at 12:31 pm
“Zac Efron’s e-mail is efron.zac@gmail.com” You’re terrible.
March 26th, 2008 at 12:32 pm
I as well enjoy Law in Order. It has so much more sarcasticness than regular Law and Order.
March 26th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
I almost want these kids’ parents to see these so they can help them develop some interpersonal (and grammar) skills.
March 26th, 2008 at 12:52 pm
Eric,
If you do letters to Zac Efron, I’ll B UR BFF!
March 26th, 2008 at 12:55 pm
Jessica’s e-mail make my heart break!!!
Homeschooling = evil
March 26th, 2008 at 1:24 pm
That is sooooooooo sad because Jessica’s email make my heart break too!
I was thrilled to find the newest installment of Children’s Letters to Raven-Symone, but the day Eric does a segment on Children’s Letters to Zac Efron will be the best day of my life. Honestly.
I’m already thinking of ways to spread efron.zac@gmail.com around the internet.
Since efron.zac@gmail.com is ZAC EFRON’S EMAIL ADDRESS!!!!!!!!!!
March 26th, 2008 at 1:29 pm
A thread about Zac Efron’s email:
(my favorite part is the last two comments)
http://www.topix.com/forum/tv/the-suite-life-of-zack-and-cody/TS1R29HFGH0PD2JK0
March 26th, 2008 at 2:21 pm
My eyes hurt from reading that last email. I think it may have caused some macular degeneration.
March 26th, 2008 at 2:25 pm
With so much on her plate, Ms. Symone probably really does need her very own stocker.
March 26th, 2008 at 4:08 pm
Eric, You should be proud to know that your site is the first result when “raven symone email” is searched for in google.
March 26th, 2008 at 6:21 pm
Please tell me that in the picture the kid looked way younger than nineteen and this whole thing about him being legally an adult and possibly able to actually VOTE is presumably the product of his deranged, childish imagination.
Zac Efron’s fake email! Oh, that should be fun.
March 26th, 2008 at 7:48 pm
When you get tired of Raven Symone and Zac Efron, how about Miley Cyrus? That should be a goldmine.
March 26th, 2008 at 9:38 pm
There’s a problem there, penguinosharky: how many Hannah Montana fans possess the neurons necessary to compute the idea that H.M. has ANOTHER NAME?
March 26th, 2008 at 9:46 pm
Good point. I apologize for my immense stupidity.
March 27th, 2008 at 6:20 am
Don’t blame homeschooling on Jessica having no friends. My homeschooled daughter has many friends, homeschooled and non homeschooled. Generally a lack of friends is related to other issues.
March 27th, 2008 at 7:40 am
Seeing Zac’s email made me laugh out loud.
March 27th, 2008 at 7:43 am
I think I’ve died a little inside.
March 27th, 2008 at 10:31 am
I love it.
I always read these a good pile of times, because they make me laugh so hard.
March 27th, 2008 at 12:15 pm
I just emailed Zac Efron and it worked! HEY EVERYONE, THIS REALLY IS ZAC EFRON’s EMAIL ADDRESS: efron.zac@gmail.com ! I am going to tell all my friends!
March 27th, 2008 at 12:22 pm
Sorry to get all your hopes up, but I haven’t registered efron.zac@gmail.com. It was just a joke. I looked into it after the fact, but it’s already taken, as are all the other obvious Zac Efron-related Gmail addresses. I think one fake celebrity e-mail address is enough for one man.
March 27th, 2008 at 2:45 pm
I had already guessed that efron.zac@gmail.com was taken. I mean, come on, there’s no way it wouldn’t have already been taken by now.
March 27th, 2008 at 3:16 pm
So, whoever took that email address… I wonder whether that person will start being deluged with fan mails, thanks to today’s blog.
March 27th, 2008 at 7:59 pm
http://www.topix.com/forum/tv/the-suite-life-of-zack-and-cody/TS1R29HFGH0PD2JK0/p103#lastPost
check the last comment…
March 27th, 2008 at 8:10 pm
Maybe it really IS Zac Efron’s email address.
March 28th, 2008 at 10:39 am
[There is nothing sadder than a home-schooled child looking for friendship from a celebrity she’ll never meet. Well, unless that home-schooled child also had cancer. That would be sadder.]
However, if she had cancer, maybe she could meet Raven.
July 21st, 2008 at 9:42 am
I’ve been re-reading all of the CLTRS and I keep coming across the name Fanta. Is this the same person everytime? Fanta really isn’t that common a name. We may not be able to praise her for her spelling but at least she is persistant. Go Fanta!!!