As regular readers will recall, this feature began after I was inexplicably pestered by Raven-Symone fans who wanted her e-mail address, despite there being no earthly reason to think I would have it. Weary of them, I finally registered a fake address — symone.raven@gmail.com — posted it here, and CLEARLY STATED it was not hers. I assumed people would ignore that disclaimer and write to it anyway, and how right I was.

But one unexpected side effect of publishing those letters here has been that now, when Raven-Symone’s stupid fans stumble across these blog entries, they’ve started writing messages to her and posting them as comments. That’s right: At the end of the blog entries mocking people who write fan letters that the celebrity will never, ever read, people are posting comments directed to that same person. Like the e-mail address was phony, but for sure this blog is the REAL way to get in touch with Raven-Symone.

(By the way, those comments get deleted by the moderators, not posted. That’s why you don’t see them, and why writing a fake “funny” one in the hopes of getting it posted won’t work.)
Anyway, here’s another big steamin’ batch of illiteracy.

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I know you’ve been jonesin’ for more Children’s Letters to Raven-Symone, so here’s another batch of them. I’ll try to post them more often so we can get caught up.

Basic background: I registered symone.raven@gmail.com and posted it on this blog, specifically saying it is NOT Raven-Symone’s e-mail address and that it IS my e-mail address. I was working under the assumption that people would ignore the disclaimer and use the address to write to Raven anyway. I was right.

Deeper background: Click the “Children’s Letters to Raven-Symone” category and read the earliest entry.

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Here are some more e-mails sent to symone.raven@gmail.com, an address that does NOT belong to Raven-Symone, but because Raven’s fans are dumb (i.e., they are children), they think it does. So they write to it all the time. This entry has more details on how this phenomenon came to be.

CHILDREN’S LETTERS TO RAVEN-SYMONE

Dec. 30, 2005:
Hi Raven!! I’m so happy I got your e-mail address! Well my name is Meg and I’m 10 years old! I live in Minnesota. I’m such a big fan! I love thats so raven on disney channel! you are so pretty and nice. you are my role model! and your hilarious!! I hope you had a great christmas and have a happy new year! If you have time can you PLEASE e-mail me back! i know your busy with your acting and singing but i am your BIGGEST fan! so please try to e-mail me back! and my e-amil is [e-amil address withheld]

[I think Meg went to the comic strip school of punctuation! That's why every sentence must end with an exclamation point!]

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Wow, we have a lot to catch up on here. These are e-mails sent to symone.raven@gmail.com, an address that does NOT belong to singer/actress/chubster Raven-Symone. Only stupid people think it does. Stupid people, and children. (I recommend this prior post for background on how this fake e-mail address came to be.)

CHILDREN’S LETTERS TO RAVEN-SYMONE

Dec. 1, 2005:
hey raven sup? it’s me brittany again!!! how are you? i am doing a journey across america project the state i have is pennslvania, Haven you ever been there ?

brittany

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As I’ve mentioned in previous entries, for some reason I often get e-mails from people wanting contact information for famous people. Raven-Symone’s fans are the worst about it, though other celebrities have been requested, too. It’s never anyone huge like Brad Pitt or Will Smith. It’s always mid-range celebrities. I guess people figure even if I DID have Brad Pitt’s e-mail address, I wouldn’t give it out. But Raven-Symone, sure! She’s not THAT famous.

Anyway, these stupid requests became so frequent that I finally had to put a notice on the page from which you can e-mail me that reads:

STOP: If you are going to ask Eric how to contact a celebrity, DON’T. Eric has no such information for ANY famous person. If you ask him anyway, despite this warning, Eric will write back and tell you how stupid you are. And he’ll be right to do so.

That has curtailed the requests considerably. Yet still there are people who slip through. The other day I got this one, from someone signing her name “Temmy,” with the e-mail address “dollies_04eva@somethingsomething.com.” She writes:

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Here’s another batch of e-mails sent to symone.raven@gmail.com, an address that does NOT go to singer/actress Raven-Symone, but that a lot of people seem to think does. (For background, read this previous blog entry.)

CHILDREN’S LETTERS TO RAVEN-SYMONE

Nov. 15, 2005:
Hey Raven,

I think you’re a great actress, and also a great singer. I love all your songs! I’ve almost seen every episode of “That’s So Raven”. Here is my fan site I made for you. It isn’t up right know, but it should be by your birthday in December http://www.Raven-Symone-Hottie.piczo.com. If you have time can you go to my site. If you don’t that is fine ’cause I know that your really busy. By the way I sent you a birthday card, I was wondering if you got it? Please e-mail me back. It would really be cool. Hope to talk to you soon, maybe. [emoticon that seems to indicate "maybe...? hopefully...?"]
-One of your biggest fans Sam!

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The story so far:

In July 2005, I wrote a blog entry about an exchange I had with someone who wanted actress/singer Raven-Symone’s e-mail address. There was no reason I would have that information, of course; this was a kid who thought that because I reviewed movies meant I had some connection to the people in them.

However, the blog entry only exacerbated the problem: Now when you Googled “Raven-Symone” and “e-mail,” my Web site came up. This caused more people to write in and ask for Raven-Symone’s address, apparently failing to read (or at least to understand) the article where I mentioned the subject.

This caused me to write ANOTHER blog entry, about how the first blog entry had failed. Well, that only made the problem EVEN WORSE, of course. Now when you Googled “Raven-Symone” and “e-mail,” TWO blog entries came up, thus making it even more apparent (to stupid people) that I MUST be in possession of the prized information.

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A while back, I got tired of kids writing to me asking for Raven-Symone’s e-mail address. I had to keep telling them that I didn’t have it, and that there is no reason to think I WOULD have it. Yet some of these kids, who are just kids, and who aren’t necessarily very smart, kept pestering me.

So in a previous blog entry, I gave this address — symone.raven@gmail.com — and announced in plain language that it is NOT Raven-Symone’s e-mail address, and that it is in fact an address I registered through Gmail. I figured if people were going to keep harassing me for information I didn’t have, I might as well just make up some information and give it to them.

Sure enough, that fake address spread quickly within the Raven-Symone community, and I have received nearly 100 e-mails from devoted Raven-Symone fans, most of whom begin with, “Is this really your e-mail?????,” even though I clearly stated before that it is not.

Anyway, to repeat: symone.raven@gmail.com still is NOT Raven-Symone’s e-mail address. If you write to that address, your e-mail will be read by me, Eric D. Snider. If anyone replies, it will be me, Eric D. Snider, pretending to be Raven-Symone. The real Raven-Symone has no idea who I am and has no knowledge of this e-mail address.

I’m making this very plain because I think a lot of you will read it, see the words “raven-symone” and “e-mail address,” and write to the address regardless of what I’ve said about it. And later, when I publish your e-mails on this site, we will all have a good laugh at the sort of things people say when they write letters to Raven-Symone.

Oh, you Raven-Symone fans. You’re so very smart. You Google the words “raven symone e-mail” and what comes up? Two of my blog entries (found here and here), where I talk about the fact that I DO NOT HAVE RAVEN-SYMONE’S E-MAIL ADDRESS. So what do you do? You e-mail me to ask for her e-mail address. You saw the words “raven symone” and “e-mail address” in the same article, and you concluded that I must be in possession of said address.

How could anyone do that? How could you find not one, but TWO articles in which I very clearly state my lack of information in regards to Raven-Symone’s e-mail address, yet still ask me if I have it? I don’t know how, but I still get about one e-mail per month from someone asking for it.

You are in luck, however, you Raven-Symone fans. Your persistence has paid off. Raven-Symone herself has found my Web site, presumably by Googling herself to find out her own e-mail address, and has supplied it to me. It is:

symone.raven@gmail.com

Please pass it along to all of your fellow fans and tell them to quit bugging me.

Now, one thing you should know: That is not really her e-mail address. It’s a Gmail address that I registered. The e-mails will be read by me, and if anyone answers them, it will be me, pretending to be Raven-Symone. I’m including this paragraph to see if people ignore it (or fail to understand it) and use the address anyway. I will report my findings to the smart people who read this blog (of whom I assume there must be a few).

I received an e-mail from someone named “Keyamaz,” at the address Shakeemagirl8@aol.com. The e-mail read:

Hey,
Can you e-mail me Raven-symone
e-mail address so i can keep in touch with my god sister!!!

Now, if you are a regular reader of this blog, you are thinking: Eric just wrote an item on people who foolishly think he has celebrities’ e-mail addresses just because he reviews their movies. And in fact, Raven-Symone was the very celebrity who prompted that blog entry!

I thought the same thing. I figured this person, this “Keyamaz,” had to be kidding. So I responded:

Um… You’re kidding, right?

[link to above-cited blog entry]

I assume you have read that and you are making a joke in reference to it.
If you have not read it, please do.

Eric

Keyamaz then sent two replies. In one of them, he/she pasted the entire page I had referred him/her to and then said, “it did not tell raven-symone email address.” In the other reply, he/she said:

Well I read it and couldn’t find Raven-symone e-mail address well can you e-mail me her e-mail please god bless….

To this one I replied thus:

OK, now I KNOW you must be joking.

If you read it, then that means you now know the following things:

1. I do not have the e-mail address for Raven Symone or for any other celebrity.

2. Even if I did, I would not give it out.

So either you are playing a joke on me, or else you did not actually read the link I gave you, or else you are very, very stupid. Please let me know which it is.

Eric

Keyamaz replied:

ummm you tell me and ok bye-bye now and 4ever

I give Keyamaz credit, though. Most people establish their stupidity in only one e-mail; he/she managed to drag it out to four e-mails before his/her stupidity was confirmed.