The Associated Press reported last week that a couple of Philadelphia TV hosts had apologized for a promotion that involved giving away a bullet-riddled jacket in conjunction with the movie “Shoot ‘Em Up.”
Such a promotion sounds only mildly tacky until you remember that this was in Philadelphia, where gun violence is a serious, ongoing problem. The city is on track to have its highest murder rate in a decade. The motto “City of Brotherly Love” has been replaced with “If You Visit Our City, You Will Be Murdered.” The statue of Benjamin Franklin at Independence Hall has him holding a pistol and saying, “Dost thou feel lucky, punk?”
So the “Good Morning Philadelphia” anchors apologized for the lapse in taste, and all is well. But it got us thinking: yeah, it was tasteless to give away a jacket full of bullet holes in conjunction with “Shoot ‘Em Up.” But surely there are other movie promotional items that would be even more ill-conceived and misguided. And it is our duty to think of them!
“Spider-Man”: Poisonous spiders that, when they bite you, give you all the powers inherent in being bitten by a poisonous spider (e.g., death).
“Little Miss Sunshine”: Gauze bandages for wrapping up self-inflicted wrist wounds, just like Steve Carell wears in the movie!
“I Know Who Killed Me”: Bottles of Lindsay Lohan’s favorite liquo
“Children of Men”: Babies.
“Halloween” (2007): A T-shirt that smells like Rob Zombie.
“Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix”: The city of Phoenix.
“Rocky Balboa”: A box of Depend adult diapers.
“The Invasion”: A free ticket to the movie if you just promise to use it. Please! Someone watch our movie!