In keeping with the official theme of summer 2010 — “Eh, Good Enough” — this week’s new wide releases are all B-minuses. They fall within the “good” range, but not very far into it. They’re good enough that I wouldn’t try to discourage anyone who was thinking of seeing them from doing so, but neither would I recommend them to anyone who wasn’t already considering them. Basically, whatever your plans were this weekend, go ahead.

“Dinner for Schmucks” is funny but not as funny as it should have been. “Charlie St. Cloud” (review at Film.com) is better than you’re expecting from a teen-focused weeper, but nothing special. “Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore” (review at Film.com) has some laughs in it.

In limited release, “The Kids Are All Right” is all right. Well, better than that. It’s pretty good. But “‘The Kids Are All Right’ is all right” sounds better.

At Film.com, “Eric’s Bad Movies” is about “Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band,” an amazing 1978 failure featuring the songs of the Beatles but no Beatles. “What’s the Big Deal?” is about “Last Year at Marienbad,” a trippy 1961 French art film that’s come up recently in conversations about “Inception” (conversations with people prone to mentioning French art films, anyway). I also addressed the question of whether Kevin Smith — or anyone — is “relevant.”

At Cinematical, I cracked a few jokes about the trailer for “The Town.” This led an elderly gentleman at Vanity Fair to discover that there is a thing called the “Internet,” and that it has “blogs” on it, and that sometimes those blogs contain jokes. It also led to a commendation by Jeff Wells, which produced mixed feelings in me, to say the least.

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Several weeks ago, a Twitter person called @LadyRobyn sent me the following succession of messages:

@EricDSnider:You cal yourself a writer & a critic, bon vivant man about town…
@EricDSnider: I call you a brass jackass…
@EricDSnider: … who has about the same amount of talent as a writer as the mess my neighbor’s dog makes @ the local fire hydrant.
@EricDSnider: Yeah… the both of you are on the same level…
@EricDSnider: I take that back. I made a mistake. A major miscarriage of justice…
@EricDSnider: “Mittens” has more talent.
@EricDSnider: Sorry “Mittens”…

People had questioned my talent before, and rightfully so, but this was the first time anyone had doubted that I was a bon vivant and/or a man about town. Such gall!

I replied to @LadyRobyn thus:

Continue reading…

It’s a weekend of girl power at the moving-picture shows! The better of the two options is “Ramona and Beezus” (review at Film.com), a perfectly pleasant (if narratively jumbled) G-rated confection based on the beloved children’s books. Don’t see it if you don’t have kids with you, though, because that’s weird.

The other one is “Salt” (review at Cinematical), starring Angelina Jolie as a CIA spy named Evelyn Salt who is accused of being a Russian double agent. It has some fun action here and there, but overall it’s too serious and unsympathetic. (Just like my first marriage! HEY-O!)

At Film.com, “Eric’s Bad Movies” was about “Gooby,” a weird Canadian children’s movie from last year, and “What’s the Big Deal?” was about “2001: A Space Odyssey,” a weird sci-fi classic from 1968.

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Listen to “Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider,” a weekly Internet radio show featuring Jeff Bayer and Eric D. Snider, at PDX.fm. It’s live at 11 a.m. (Pacific) every Friday, then downloadable as a podcast.

Go see “Inception” (review at Cinematical) because it is good and trippy and smart and you will like it, the end.

And if you have to see “The Sorcerer’s Apprentice” — because you have children or something — eh, it won’t hurt.

For further reading material, “Eric’s Bad Movies” at Film.com is about “Bangkok Dangerous” (keeping with the Nicolas Cage theme), while “What’s the Big Deal?” is about “The Good, the Bad and the Ugly.” And perhaps you will also be interested in a Cinematical piece called “The Time I Got Obsessed with a ‘Raging Bull’ Inaccuracy.”

But go see “Inception,” and please do not speak to me until you have done so.

Subscribe to “In the Dark,” a weekly e-mail with the latest movie reviews, DVD releases, and other pertinent info.

Listen to “Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider,” a weekly Internet radio show featuring Jeff Bayer and Eric D. Snider, at PDX.fm. It’s live at 11 a.m. (Pacific) every Friday, then downloadable as a podcast.

I don’t write “Snide Remarks” columns regularly anymore, but I was pleased to do so on the occasion of the new “Twilight” movie, “Eclipse,” being released. I was especially pleased because it’s being published at Cinematical, which pays me money, rather than just at EricDSnider.com, which does not.

In other catching-up news: Last week’s movie reviews are “Eclipse” (at Cinematical), “The Last Airbender” (at Film.com) and “Micmacs” (at Film.com).

“Eric’s Bad Movies” at Film.com was about “Sleepwalkers,” a Stephen King misfire from 1992 involving cats, incest, and brief glimpses of Ron Perlman. “What’s the Big Deal?” addressed “Raging Bull,” the fine Martin Scorsese picture from 1980.

I also proposed an idea for a Smurfs-Garfield-Marmaduke crossover film.

“Eric’s Bad Movies” and “What’s the Big Deal?” won’t appear this week because I’m taking a brief vacation. Where will I be, you ask? Not that it’s any of your business, but Utah! And tomorrow, July 6, I’m having a tweet-up in Provo, and everyone is invited: friends, acquaintances, strangers, stalkers, readers, people who follow me on Twitter, people who follow me in real life, everyone! I hope to see you there! Yes, YOU, specifically!

Subscribe to “In the Dark,” a weekly e-mail with the latest movie reviews, DVD releases, and other pertinent info.
Listen to “Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider,” a weekly Internet radio show featuring Jeff Bayer and Eric D. Snider, at PDX.fm. It’s live at 11 a.m. (Pacific) every Friday, then downloadable as a podcast.

Next Tuesday, July 6, if you walk outside and find yourself in the general vicinity of Provo, Utah, cancel whatever you’re doing and come to Pioneer Park at 5:30 p.m. for the First (and Last) Annual Eric D. Snider Tweet-Up and Gathering of General Merriment for Friends and Strangers!

Strictly informal and casual. Nobody’s providing anything. No specific activities are planned, although I guess if someone brings a piano I’ll do a couple songs, just because it would be funny if someone actually brings a piano to the park. Bring your kids if you wanna. Bring food and beverages if you want to eat and drink. If you just want to sit around and mingle, then just bring your butt and your mingling hat.

Who is invited? Everyone! People who follow me on the Twitters! People who read stuff that I write! People I used to know but haven’t seen in forever! People I am friends with but never get a chance to see when I’m in town because I’m never there for very long and maybe I don’t have their phone numbers anymore! People who are entirely unfamiliar with me but found this announcement because they googled “provo park merriment”! Everyone is welcome, except for former employers!

Here is a summary of the pertinent info, in the manner of an invitation, so that you will think you have been specifically invited:

What: The First (and Last) Annual Eric D. Snider Tweet-Up and Gathering of General Merriment for Friends and Strangers

When: Tuesday, July 6, 5:30 p.m.-???? (“????” probably means like 8:00 or so.)

Where: Pioneer Park, 500 W. Center St., Provo, Utah

For whom: Anyone who wants to come hang out for a while, maybe eat some food (if they bring it themselves), say hello, enjoy the park, &c.

UPDATE: I can now confirm that a celebrity guest named Momma Snider will be in attendance! You will treat her with respect, unless your disrespect is especially funny.

Here are your instructions. First, see “Toy Story 3,” if you haven’t already done so. If you have seen it, then you are permitted to see “Knight and Day,” a fairly good action comedy starring Tom Cruise as a crazy federal agent and Cameron Diaz as the civilian who gets tangled up with him.

If you’ve seen “Toy Story 3″ and “Knight and Day,” and then “Toy Story 3″ a second time, and then everything else that’s currently playing, then … you are still not permitted to see “Grown Ups.” I’m sorry, but we have to have rules. Adam Sandler and his pals put forth very little effort to make the film; there’s no reason to reward them for their laziness.

What you could do instead, though, is read the “Grown Ups” pitch meeting transcript I created for Film.com. It’s funnier than the movie, which isn’t even saying much.

Speaking of bad movies, “Eric’s Bad Movies” at Film.com is about “The Manitou.” What a treasure this is! It’s about a woman who has a tumor on her neck, and the tumor turns out to be a fetus, and not just any old fetus but that of an evil Indian shaman trying to reincarnate himself so he can wreak vengeance. I am forever grateful to whichever weird readers informed me of this movie’s existence, as it is the perfect “Eric’s Bad Movies” candidate: bad but not boring, insane but straight-faced, and featuring a couple of recognizable stars.

“What’s the Big Deal?” at Film.com is about “Casablanca.” I always thought the Big Dealness of “Casablanca” was self-evident, but then several people suggested it when I asked for ideas a few months back. Apparently it is possible to watch “Casablanca” and NOT adore it! How strange it is that people have experiences that are different from mine.

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Listen to “Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider,” a weekly Internet radio show featuring Jeff Bayer and Eric D. Snider, at PDX.fm. It’s live at 11 a.m. (Pacific) every Friday, then downloadable as a podcast.

“Toy Story 3″ is easily the best movie of the year so far. That isn’t saying much, given what a mediocre year it’s been, but still. Even in a good year it would have to be in the top 10. I look forward to everyone seeing it so that we can talk about certain scenes and say, “HOLY COW, CAN YOU BELIEVE THEY ACTUALLY TRIED THAT?? AND PULLED IT OFF??,” and probably weep a little.

Then there’s “Jonah Hex” (review at Film.com), which is lame.

In limited release is the terrific “Cyrus” (review at Cinematical), starring John C. Reilly as a man at odds with his girlfriend’s weird son (played by Jonah Hill). There’s also “Trash Humpers” (review at Cinematical), which I’m not even sure is actually a movie.

At Film.com, “Eric’s Bad Movies” is about Steven Seagal’s “Under Siege 2: Electric Boogaloo.” Funny thing about that. I originally planned to do “Wild Wild West,” on account of it seemed a perfect fit with “Jonah Hex.” But when I sat down to watch it last weekend, I discovered it wasn’t particularly bad. I wouldn’t call it “good,” sure, but 45 minutes into I had laughed at a few of the gags, I was generally interested in the silly story, and I liked Kenneth Branagh’s insane Confederate no-legged villain. I finally had to turn it off and choose something else. When it comes to “Eric’s Bad Movies,” I don’t have time for movies that are merely so-so!

It’s a shame, too, because it would have been really, really perfect in conjunction with “Jonah Hex.” They have about a dozen major things in common.

But “Under Siege 2″ also meshes with “Jonah Hex”! In both cases, the villain faked his own death and then reappears on a train, and subsequently has a plan to destroy Washington D.C. with a weapon of mass destruction that doesn’t actually exist in the relevant time period. Serendipity!

“What’s the Big Deal?” is about “The Graduate,” that movie with the cougar lady who makes sexytimes with Dustin Hoffman, if you can imagine.

Subscribe to “In the Dark,” a weekly e-mail with the latest movie reviews, DVD releases, and other pertinent info.

Listen to “Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider,” a weekly Internet radio show featuring Jeff Bayer and Eric D. Snider, at PDX.fm. It’s live at 11 a.m. (Pacific) every Friday, then downloadable as a podcast.

I don’t know what it’s like where you live, but it’s very 1984 here. In fact, I discussed this very thing in an article for Cinematical, and then recycled some of the jokes for “Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider” today, because I’m hip on recycling, even though it’s only 1984.

First there’s the remake of “The Karate Kid” (review at Film.com), which is actually pretty decent, regardless of how offended the nerds may have been by the very idea of remaking it. Then there’s the big-screen version of “The A-Team” (review at Cinematical), a TV show that hit its peak popularity in 1984. The movie is meh. Needed more fool-pitying, in my opinion.

I also got around to reviewing “Killers” (at Film.com), from last week, and wrote a thing for Cinematical about “Splice” and the nature of spoilers. (No spoilers in the article, of course.)

Columns! “Eric’s Bad Movies” at Film.com addressed “Virus,” a sci-fi horror thing from 1999. “What’s the Big Deal?” at Film.com has “Breathless,” the fancy-pants French movie from 1960. And “Cinemaligion” at Cinematical has Kevin Smith’s “Dogma,” from 1999. Hmm. I guess it’s very 1999 up in here, too.

Subscribe to “In the Dark,” a weekly e-mail with the latest movie reviews, DVD releases, and other pertinent info.

Listen to “Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider,” a weekly Internet radio show featuring Jeff Bayer and Eric D. Snider, at PDX.fm. It’s live at 11 a.m. (Pacific) every Friday, then downloadable as a podcast.

There are four new wide releases this weekend, none of which are going to make any money, and the summer is going to get sadder and sadder for the people in Hollywood whose jobs depend on making people go to the movies.

“Get Him to the Greek” is a fairly solid R-rated comedy from the director of “Forgetting Sarah Marshall,” focusing on the hedonistic rock star character from that movie. It’s a spin-off! Like on TV! It’s OK, not great.

“Splice,” which played at Sundance, is a squirmy, giddy, insane suspense-horror-dark-comedy thingee in which Adrian Brody and Sarah Polley are scientists who make a creature. Terrible things ensue. Most of the reviews have been positive, but those who don’t like it really, really don’t like it.

And hey, two of Hollywood’s Shameful Secrets®! It’s been a while! “Marmaduke,” based on the comic strip that no one has ever cared about, has Owen Wilson as the voice of the dog, who doesn’t talk in the comic strip, but who cares? “Killers” is about Katherine Heigl finding out her perfect husband, Ashton Kutcher, is a professional hitman who’s now being targeted himself. “Marmaduke” actually screened for press in a few major cities, but “Killers” was kept under lock and key until today. Review to come. In the meantime, at Film.com, I imagined an R-rated “Marmaduke” and speculated on the pitch meeting for “Killers.”

For “Eric’s Bad Movies” at Film.com, I hit “The Island of Dr. Moreau,” which is alarmingly similar in theme to “Splice,” although “Splice,” sadly, does not contain an obese Marlon Brando being followed by a tiny doppelgänger.

“What’s the Big Deal?” focused on “12 Angry Men,” from 1957. In the process of writing that column, I got to wondering how many directors have been nominated for Best Director Oscars for their first films, like Sidney Lumet was for “12 Angry Men.” So I compiled a list and wrote it up at Cinematical. Trivia is fun!

Subscribe to “In the Dark,” a weekly e-mail with the latest movie reviews, DVD releases, and other pertinent info.

Listen to “Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider,” a weekly Internet radio show featuring Jeff Bayer and Eric D. Snider, at PDX.fm. It’s live at 11 a.m. (Pacific) every Friday, then downloadable as a podcast.